So, ladies and gentlemen, it's come to my attention that a lot of people are flocking to freeipods.com in hopes of getting a free iPod Mini. Okay, I admit that iPods are good (I own a third-generation 15GB one myself, and I wouldn't trade it for anything), but free? Come on. Back in high school - hell, back as a kid, I learned the biggest principle in the world - TINSTAAFL. There Is No Such Thing As A Free Lunch. Simply put, it means that everything costs someone something, and the only question is who it's going to impact in the end. In this case, the impact is $250 USD, and that's a pretty nice chunk of change to someone. Do you want to pay $250? I didn't think so. You think they want to pay $250? Not likely. So, who ends up paying this fee, anyways? The answer is the single group of people hated the world over, regardless of their actions. Spammers. That's right. Read through the freeipods.com "Privacy Policy" and "Terms and Conditions," and you'll note that this massive pyramid scheme (not Ponzi; there's a difference) screws you and everyone else over while making Gratis (the company who heads this campaign) beaucoup bucks. To me, it seems like the entire thing is designed to circumvent the CAN-SPAM Act, and it does so in quite a legal fashion. So put on your galoshes, people - we're going to muck through their sewers. - - - - - The "NO PRIVACY" POLICY - - - - - The quotes herein are used under the Fair Use Act of 1978. If Gratis or a third party has legal issues with my using them, they can contact me. God knows my address gets enough spam as is - they can ask one of their clients for it. "To create an account with the freeiPods.com, we collect your name, email address, and a shipping address." Okay, that's the basics. I can see why they need the name and shipping address, but the e-mail address is a bit hazy here. "We use this information to set up your account, to send you a registration confirmation email and log your shipping information so we know where to send your order. We also give you a password that you may change in the Account page of our site. We will send you active emails thanking you for joining, sending a verification link, telling you an order has shipped, etc." Right neighborly of them, don't you think? Of course, this is standard policy for all major e-commerce sites these days. "We may also use your email address to send you information about new services, features, and special offers from us. Members may opt-out of receiving these types of future mailings by following instructions in the newsletter." Ah, here comes the slippery slope. Who defines "special offers" or "features?" Once I do my business with them and collect my iPod, I'd get the heck out. "We may send you offers on behalf of our business partners." Hark, I hear a Monty Python reference approaching! You know, the Vikings? SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM! SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM! LOVELY SPAM! WONDERFUL SPAM! "Keep in mind that if you take advantage of an offer from a freeiPods.com business partner and become their customer, they may independently wish to send offers to you. In this case, you will need to inform them separately if you wish to decline receiving future offers from them." Yet more spam, except this time with an opt-out link. However, you won't get a chance to opt-out, as you'll still have done business with them, thus allowing them to spam you legally under the CAN-SPAM Act. "Our goal is to deliver offers to people who we believe will find them of value. Offers are developed and managed under strict conditions designed to safeguard the security and privacy of customer personal information." Just like every other spammer on the planet. Let's try to translate that: "We're going to sell your e-mail address to bulk-mail groups on the fringe of society and hope that they don't 'accidentally' release it to someone worse somehow, say, through a trojaned machine." "This Privacy Policy applies to consumers that have signed up on the freeiPods.com website. We may sell the personal information that you supply to us and we may work with other third party businesses to bring selected retail opportunities to our members via direct mail, email and telemarketing. These businesses may include providers of direct marketing services and applications, including lookup and reference, data enhancement, suppression and validation and email marketing." Pardon the French, but holy crap. This is the motherlode, people. This one paragraph here tells you that they're not only going to sell your data, but they're going to spam you like you wouldn't believe, and all legally, since your joining them was considered a business contact! What do I mean, you ask? Simple. The Do Not Call registry does not apply to you if freeipods.com or one of their advertisers calls you, even on a cellular phone, since you signed up with them and that's a business relationship under the Do Not Call Act. The CAN-SPAM Act stopped protecting you the minute you put your address into the form on their front page. That's considered opt-in marketing, which was legalized by the CAN-SPAM Act. For that, you can thank your Senators, Representatives, and the Direct Marketing Association. The bit about lookup and reference refers to your data being stored in consumer data banks for reference about your preferences and such. E-mail marketing - the last clause - is self-explanatory. SPAM. Lots and lots of spam. I'm unsure on suppression and validation, but I would assume validation would tie things to your identity and such. If someone knows what that is, please inform me. - - - - - Wow. In one page, they've decimated your ability to keep your inbox free of spam (unless you're fortunate enough to be running a server-side filtering application with a decent Bayesian filter, such as SpamAssassin), sold your data to marketers, and basically done everything they can to make a quick buck. But we've still not covered their TaC, which goes into far more depth. If you were uncomfortable going through the legalese above, you'd better skip this part. - - - - - TERMS OF NONENDEARMENT Warning: There's a large amount of legalese ahead. If your brain can't handle it or doesn't want to, skip ahead to the end. I'm not responsible for mental scarring. "Use of this website assumes that you accept these terms. If you do not fully accept these terms, you should not use this website. If you have any questions about these terms, please contact us via our website." Standard boilerplate. Since the site is private property, but in the public eye, it can legally operate by its own rules, just like any private residence or business. "These Terms & Conditions also state that by signing up, you are certifying you have read and understand our Terms & Conditions as well as our Privacy Policy. You are also agreeing to the contents and conditions listed in each." In other words, READ THE LEGAL STUFF. I cannot stress this enough. If you don't read it, you're _shafted_. "3. Unwanted Emails. (c) By signing up for the FreeiPods.com, the user agrees to receive periodic emails about special offers on our website. A user may choose not to receive these emails by following the instructions on the email. FreeiPods.com does not maintain email lists and cannot remove a user from the email newsletter." They're going to spam you with junk mail. Can it get more obvious? They're going to send you e-mails about this and that an dhope you buy something, and when you don't, they're going to cram more down your throat. Oh, and since they don't maintain e-mail lists (despite obviously collecting them, so that's a list right there), you can't get removed from the spam list. Whoops. "4. Cancellation of Account. (a) There is no way to cancel an account. If a user no longer wishes to remain a part of FreeiPods.com, he or she should stop logging in. FreeiPods.com will not share his information. (b) A user is responsible from removing himself or herself from the FreeiPods.com mailing list if he or she has opted-in." In other words, they define when you stop logging in. When is it? A week? A month? Infinity minus one? When do you stop logging in long enough to satisfy their condition? Until you can prove that you've permanently stopped logging in, they'll still share your information. And since you've joined, you can't remove yourself without (most likely) _logging in_ and removing yourself, thus starting a catch-22 cycle. "II. OFFERS ... 3. Terms of Offers ... (d) FreeiPods.com makes every effort to deal with honest companies. However, it is not responsible for possible unwanted emails as a result of signing up for any of the affiliates on our website. " In short, their affiliates, who have their membership lists, are going to spam, and you're giving them free license to via their affiliates and the affiliates of the affiliates. Personally, I'd like to see a list of affiliates they sell this list to, just to know who's going into my realtime block-list. "VI. CUSTOMER SERVICE 1. Contacting Customer Support (a) Due to the volume of customer service requests, FreeiPods.com does not offer a telephone number for users to call about questions with their FreeiPods.com account or orders. All questions, comments, and concerns should be sent in via our online support system (link on the FAQ portion of the website)." Yes, well, the main phone number to contact them is this, which has been retrieved from the Network Solutions WHOIS registry. (202) 595-9123 I'll be calling about this article and asking about their affiliates. I'm just grateful I have free long-distance - that's a Washington, D.C. number. "(b) While FreeiPods.com makes ever effort to reply to emails in a timely fashion, FreeiPods.com does not guarantee a user will be responded to, or responded to within a certain time frame. Users should allow at least 48 hours on weekdays and realize that FreeiPods.com will not be able to respond to emails sent on weekends and holidays until the next business day." "(c) To ensure security, users should only email here from the address with which they signed up for FreeiPods.com." Thus allowing proof that it's a valid e-mail address and therefore is open to spam. "(d) FreeiPods.com reserves the right to block any email address." We're going to ignore you and you can't do anything about it, even if you complain. "2. Writing To Customer Support If a user chooses to write to FreeiPods.com, he can do so by writing to: FreeiPods.com C/O Gratis Internet PO Box 50945 Washington DC 20091" I wouldn't mind having an address that isn't a P.O. Box and a phone number that AT&T says doesn't exist or is a cellphone. I'm still hunting for the real address, as their WHOIS information has their site registered to that P.O. Box. - - - - - In short, people, this whole free iPod/free FlatScreen thing is a massive net in order to make people give them their e-mail addresses for spamming. If you value your e-mail, you won't sign up. Even if you create a fake e-mail on a non-free e-mail provider (anyone but Yahoo! and Hotmail), they'll still start wondering about it after it dies suddenly. - Tuxedo Jack August 3, 2004