"Sweet-o!" - Happosai ************************************************************************ Mystery Sailor Moon Theater 3000 Episode 200.5 WE INTERRUPT THIS FANFIC TO BRING YOU ABSOLUTELY NOTHING: A few spoilers and a list of guest profiles. Not to mention a free MSTing when you read this fic! ^_^ Told you I wouldn't stop! ************************************************************************ DISCLAIMER: What's the point? You all have seen my fics. The disclaimer in Episode 120 applies here. ************************************************************************ In the not-too-distant future, Out in another world, JR and Rei needed to make some points After Wiseman's plan unfurled! They decided to author a special ep With no guest stars, not Larry, Moe, or Shemp Their issues are plain and simple, you see, They're going to give you spoilers About the secret Season 3! (JACK: AUTHOR... NO... BAKA!!!) (Rei) We'll tell you what's gonna happen, Some of the best stuff yet, (la la la) (JR) You're gonna want to read it all, Even if you're at the Met! (la la la) Now keep in mind they can control Where this episode begins and ends, (la la la) If you want, go ahead and read this, And your mind will promptly bend! GUEST HOST ROLL CALL! Nephrite! (The movement of the stars rules everything.) Naru! (Not again!) Ayanami! (Call me Rei, please.) JR! (FRICKIN' LAPTOP!!! (BLEEPITY-BLEEPITY-BLEEP-BLEEP-BLEEP!!!!!)) If you're wondering how they eat and breathe, And other science facts, (la la la) Just repeat to yourself, "I'm not in this, Now I need to sit back and relax!" And watch Mystery Sailor Moon Theater 3000! *Twang* ************************************************************************ (Scene: The afterlife place from episode 120. A quick panoramic view of the house is shown, with Zoisite and Malachite making love - again - Jadeite eating a box of Whoppers, Nephrite mowing the lawn, Beryl still gazing at her crystal, and Naru tanning in a courtyard. JR and Rei are still unseen, until we pan to the office and find JR sitting there, typing rapidly on a new black desktop computer, which is using a black - as if you couldn't tell - 60" TV as its monitor.) JR: *Looks up from his typing* Ohayo, minna-san! You're probably wondering why I've called this meeting here today. *Sees an imiginary nod* Good. Well, since the laptop's crashed yet again, I'm in deep trouble, seeing as how the first ep of season three was complete, and I was working on the interlude between it and Episode 202. *Imaginary startled look* Just don't ask. By the way, any of you seen Rei lately? She seems to have gone missing. REI: *Enters from main doorway* Konnichi wa, JR. Miss me? JR: Hey! Where've you _been_? REI: I've been busy checking out Shinji Ikari's new site. Poor guy had to move from the NBCi server. JR: Ah. Well, back to reality. Season 3's gonna be great. You've got the new villains, who, in case you didn't know, _are_ going to be the Death Busters, the new fanfics, including Blaine's ever-popular "Reunions" series, and an actual steady cast. For once, no new members will be inserted for the length of the season! REI: You forgot to mention the guest spots. I'll do it. *Turns to face the camera* At any rate, the guest spots for episodes 201, 201.5, and 202 have gone to Prince Neptune, and his spots are... interesting, to say the least, with him acting in a short musical takeoff, falling from a Plot Hole, and riffing the weirdest fic they've gotten yet... not to mention parts four and five of "Reunions". JR: Yep! *Yellow button flashes* Hey, when did _that_ get here? REI: Nephrite installed it yesterday. Something about "commercial sponsorship". JR: *Grumble grumble* Damn ad banners... *Hits button* ************************************************************************ ANNOUNCER: Are you hopelessly in love with an anime character you know you can never get? (View of Shampoo and Ukyo fighting over Ranma) ANNOUNCER: Are you tired of getting your butt kicked in countless violent battles for some lousy magical item? (Shots of Zoisite stealing Rainbow Crystal after Rainbow Crystal) ANNOUNCER: Do you just want more of what you've got? (Shots of C-ko gulping down okinomiyaki after okinomiyaki) ANNOUNCER: Well, guess what? Now you can! (Shots of the Plot Device Gun. It's a big-ass weapon with three sapphire prongs on the end and a silvery casing made of perfectly cut crystal.) ANNOUNCER: It's the Plot Device Gun! Just point, shoot, and... (Shots of Ukyo and Shampoo firing the guns wildly at Ranma, and Ranma running towards them) (Shots of Sailor Moon firing the gun and all the Rainbow Crystals appear and form the Ginzuishou) (Shots of C-ko eating stacks of okinomiyaki, the gun resting next to her) ANNOUNCER: Yes, the Plot Device Gun is fully Y10K Compliant and includes a handy-dandy steel case because it is quite prone to thieves coming after it! *Laughs* But not to worry - (Case and gun teleport back to original owner, who grins and fires the gun at the thief. The would-be thief transforms into Dr. Thinker.) ANNOUNCER: See? (The victim runs onstage and fires at the screen. The screen morphs into a list of stores where the weapon is sold.) ************************************************************************* JR: *Facefault* REI: I'll go talk to Nephrite. *Leaves* JR: Grr... Well, the commercial was a guest spot by the Weirdest Author Alive, and no, people, that's his real name. Getting back to business, FF.net says that they'll remove this if there's no actual fic content - and so far, there isn't - so we're throwing in a little party gift for you - a free MSTing! Enjoy! *Hits the yellow button again* (Eisei no Senshi. Jack, Hotaru, and Ranma are on the bridge, sitting back in the newly generated holobeach area.) JACK: Ah, this is the life. HOTARU: You said it, honey. *Kiss* RANMA: Get a room! *Blinks* See? We're obeying all cliches, just for no reason at all! MAGIC VOICE: Sure... actually, we're just strapped for time. So how's the vacation, you three? HOTARU: It's great! No fics, no villains, no space battles, not a worry in sight! JACK: You just _had_ to say that, didn't you... MAGIC VOICE: Thaaaaaat's right, people! ^_^ You're due for another checkup of your riffing skills, and to start you off, we're sending you some flames to put out! Enjoy! RANMA: Well, _THANKS A LOT_, Hotaru! *WHAM* HOTARU: Baka. *Lights flash, klaxons blare, you know the drill* We've got FLAME SIIIIIIGN!!! (Door sequence 200.5) Door 6: Nonstandard dogbone door with "Do not Enter" spray-painted on it. Door 5: The Plot Device Gun. Remembering the bad experiences with plot contrivances that the crew's had, you edge by it and move on. Door 4: A trio of fire extinguishers. You drop them into Hammerspace. Door 3: Dregio. (You'll see.) The Indigo Warriors bludgeon him into unconsciousness. Door 2: Sir Paparachino Narandon! You get to try out your new attacks on him and smack him around a bit. Door 1: A Tombstone. You eat it and move into the theater. (EoS Theater. Seating order: Jack, Hotaru, Ranma.) HOTARU: Damn Magic Voice... sending us fics during our vacation. MAGIC VOICE: Just flames this time, hon. Not the big stuff, 'cause I'm on a deadline with this stuff and I'm not working at home. HOTARU: Ask me if I care. MAGIC VOICE: I don't. >Pixie Wings JACK: Ah, yes. I remember her. HOTARU: Who is she? JACK: I have no clue. >pixie_wings_@hotmail.com HOTARU: Hey, no worse than being on AOL. RANMA: I'm PoorBastardWithFourFiances@hotmail.com >chapter: 1 @ 05-05-2001 04:46 PM 1994354 ALL: *Blink blink* JACK: Looks like someone just pulled this straight off the web. RANMA: Lazy. MAGIC VOICE: Bite me. >you call yourself an author??? RANMA: (Scottish voice) There are those who call me... Tim. >THERES NO WORK IN THIS! JACK: There's apparently no spellcheck in this, either. >you don't deserve the title of an author! HOTARU: Neither does Magic Voice deserve the title of "Magic" voice. MAGIC VOICE: Baka! Taste justice! Fire! *A ring of fire surrounds Hotaru* HOTARU: Please. *Sniff* MAGIC VOICE: Aw, come on! It worked for Terra! >You know it takes guts to put your work out HOTARU: O_o' I can't say that a flame ever put out... >to show people, and it takes idiots like you RANMA: *Shudder* The Baka song... having flashbacks... GYAH! >to try and make JACK: Chibi-Hotarus! ^_^ RANMA: (Chef) Sweet, sweet love to you... *WHAM!!!* HOTARU: *Battle aura glows* Stop. NOW. >fun of other peoples works! RANMA: (Badly dubbed person) My kung fu is the best! You cannot beat my kung fu! >Have some respect, JACK: *Opens mouth* RANMA: If you break into Aretha Franklin songs right now, I will bludgeon you. JACK: You're no fun. >if you don't like their stories HOTARU: *Holds up flamethrower* Works for you, apparently. >tell them how they can improve! JACK: By ignoring stupid pointless flames like this. >CERTAINLY don't MST their stuff WITHOUT their permission! JACK: ThE MAstEr wOUld noT apPRovE. >AND if they ask you to TAKE OFF the MST, HOTARU: One "Shinji the Casanova" comment and I beat someone senseless. >SHOW RESPECT AND TAKE IT OFF!!! ALL: (Chanting) Take it all off, take it all off! >It's their written work your reposting within... whatever you call this! RANMA: This... this... flaming pile of poopy! JACK: ... You've been listening to Forrester again, haven't you? RANMA: *Sigh* Yeah. JACK: Never mind. Here comes the next flame! MAGIC VOICE: (Bitter) Yeah, and this woman's just using her FF.net account to flame me. Not a fic in sight! >Starr Catt HOTARU: Uh... Luna? JACK: That was lame. HOTARU: Bite me. >( Signed Review ) chapter: 7 RANMA: Wasn't that the Digimon lemon that Setsuna, Rini, and Amy dealt with? HOTARU: *Shrug* Who knows? We weren't here. >@ 05-08-2001 05:02 PM RANMA: The exact time that Mulder got into Skinner's porno cabiner. *WA-TAK* >2024978 JACK: For a good time, just call 202-4978! *CLANG* >Ah, dear. No matter how often you delete us, we keep coming back, eh? HOTARU: Just like cockroaches, unfortunately. >Well, let's just repeat the earlier critiques: your sense of sarcasm is >ill-suited to the MSTing genre. JACK: And your sense of fashion is appalling! Where did you get those black and white leggings with the neon yellow-and-magenta striped top? >Your petty insults are not amusing, they're just mean-spirited. HOTARU: And your flames aren't burning or seething, they're just a pain like hemmorhoids, which soon go away. >There's also your attempts to hide things RANMA: That reminds me, I've got to hide Kodachi's whips and chains again. JACK: The "Peace" sticker cabinet wasn't enough? Damn, she's good. >that you don't have permission to MST (a big no-no JACK: Anyone sense a euphemism here? I sense a _big_ one. >among true MSTers). Once again, going back and watching the REAL MST3K >episodes RANMA: We're not real? *The three vanish with a "whop", and JR, Rei, and Nephrite appear in their places* JR: What the hell just happened? REI: It appears that we're in a theater. NEPHRITE: Not this again! >can only improve your work. And deleting stuff you REI: Downloaded can increase the space on your hard drive. >don't have permission to use can only improve your reputation. NEPHRITE: Yeah, my rep is bad, I'm bad to the bone, I got the Crystal and Naru, everybody's hopes are _gone_... *Notices the others staring at him* What? > > > JR: The flames are over. Can we get out of here? REI: Lucky for us I always keep my portable undo button on me. *Presses her pen's top, and they're teleported out of the theater. They're now back at the afterlife place* Did I also mention it acts as the button? (FWOOSH) \ | / \ | / \|/ ---0--- /|\ / | \ / | \ AUTHOR'S NOTES None are necessary, so ja ne! Tuxedo Jack TuxedoJack@juno.com Mystery Sailor Moon Theater 3000 Season 1 - COMPLETE! (Episode 7's coming soon, I swear!) Mystery Sailor Moon Theater 3000 Season 2 - TOTALLY COMPLETE! Mystery Sailor Moon Theater 3000 Season 3 - YOU'RE READING PART OF IT! Episode 201: "'A Lesson in History' or 'The Story of the Yaoi Monkey'" by Onsce Episode 201.5: Interlude Episode 202: "Reunions" Parts 4 and 5 by Blaine Episode 203: "Too Long for the Tree House of Horror!" by Hadisia Terwilliger