"I wonder how long I'll get to see the moon like this." - Duo "Well, if you want, I can pull my pants up." - Heero "Nah, that's cool." - Duo, audio outtake from GW (Ask me for the MP3!) ************************************************************************************ Mystery Sailor Moon Theater 3000 Episode 119.5 *SPECIAL EPISODE! NONSTANDARD CAST!* HERE, KITTY, KITTY, KITTY: "G-boys Go Miniature Golfing!" by Lady Kat ************************************************************************************ IT'S... IT'S A DISCLAIMER!!! AAAAAAAAGGGGH!!! *Dies*: All Sailor Moon chracters belong to Takeuchi Naoko-sama. All Gundam characters belong to whoever owns them. Thirdly, MST3K belongs to Best Brains. I've forgotten to put that in my disclaimers, and I heartily apologize for it... I'm really out of it lately. Finally, the fic being riffed herein belongs to Lady Kat-sama, and I make no claim upon it, for I would not dare of angering the mighty Kat. My apologies for Trowa being OOC, but the opportunity for the hentai riffs was so _obvious_... ************************************************************************************ In the not-too-distant future, (Methinks A.C. One-Nine-Five,) The Gundam boys and their mobile suits Were about to get a surprise! Turns out that the villain who's called Wiseman (Who happens to look like a large baked clam) Wanted to inflict torture on the innocents So the G-boys got a fanfic Not a bit of it makes sense! (WISEMAN: Omae o korosu, Heero.) (Duo) So we're stuck with a cheesy fanfic, (Quatre) The weirdest that he could find, (la la la) (Trowa) I don't know why I sing this song, (Wufei) INJUSTICE!!! He's lost his mind! (la la la) (Heero) Now keep in mind we can't control Where the fanfic begins or ends, (la la la) He wants us to lose our sanity, We might just do that in the end! GUNDAM ROLL CALL! Shenlong! Sandrock! DeathScythe Hell! Wing Zeroooooo! If you're wondering how they eat and breathe, And other science facts, (la la la) Just repeat to yourself, "Duo's pulling a prank, And Wufei's coffee holds Ex-lax!" And watch Mystery Sailor Moon Theater 3000! *Twang* ************************************************************************************ (Scene: SoS Bridge. If you didn't read Episode 19 - "A Very Special Jerry Springer" - I suggest that you go back and do so.) JACK: Never, Wiseman! SETSUNA: The Ginzuishou isn't mine to give away, and the child won't give it to you! (Black Moon UFO) WISEMAN: Not even if the innocent get hurt? *Evil grin* (SoS) JACK, SETSUNA, HOTARU, AND NEPHRITE: NO! (Black Moon UFO) WISEMAN: *Sniff* Fine. Then the innocents get it. *Hits the red button as well as button marked "Torture"* (SoS) JACK: Great... someone else's getting a fic too. SETSUNA: Dammit! We failed to protect the innocents! HOTARU: Maybe they're not so innocent. JACK: We can only hope so... *Lights flash, klaxons blare* We've got SPRINGER SIIIIIGN! *Exeunt all to theater* (Black Moon UFO) WISEMAN: Excellent. Now who's going to get the fic today? "G-boys go Miniature Golfing"... oh, why not? They deserve it! They destroyed my bomb factory, and I was making a nice profit off of it too! *Hits second button* (Colony L4. The G-boys are sitting around in a random room with a big-screen TV. Heero has a glass of fruit juice, as does Quatre "I'm too Innocent" Winner. Trowa holds a simple glass of water, and Wufei is drinking iced tea. Duo... well, he's swigging from a hip flask. I suppose, for fanservice purposes as well as scenery, describe what they're wearing. Heero - hell, does he _ever_ change clothes? The green tank top and black Spandex shorts are there, and Duo's in his usual priest-like outfit. Trowa is in a black shirt and shite pants, and Quatre has on a white button-down shirt with khaki pants and a navy vest. Wufei, naturally, is wearing his standard drab white shirt and black pants. As usual, his katana is in a sheath on his back.) DUO: Ah, come on, guys, it's our _vacation_! HEERO: Admittedly, it is a break from Relena - for which I'm grateful, but it also means that my targeting skills are worsening. *Pulls out pistol* QUATRE: I thought we weren't bringing weapons! HEERO: _You_ weren't. TROWA: I am not surprised. DUO: Geez, Heero, use it or put it up. HEERO: Perhaps I should. *Deathglare* Omae o korosu, Duo. DUO: Eh heh heh heh... *Sweatdrop* Hey, why's the TV flashing? WUFEI: *Picks up remote* And why isn't my program on Chinese history showing? *Clicks it a few times* It... it's not working! TROWA: Oh, God... DUO: (To Quatre) Five'll get you ten he yells "injustice". QUATRE: (To Duo) Good. I love sucker bets. *Pulls out five credits* WUFEI: This... is... *Deep breath* _INJUSTICE!!!!!_ *TV turns into a broadcast from the Black Moon's UFO* You! You have interrupted my broadcast! KISAMA!!! WISEMAN: (Sarcastic) Oh, I'm so sorry. (Normal) Perhaps you're wondering why I'm here? TROWA: No. QUATRE: How can you be here? You look like you're dead. WISEMAN: Hmmph. Anyway, you're the innocents that I'm supposed to torture today. Since the idiots on the Satellite of Senshi - *Heero pales* I see you've heard of it! HEERO: Omae o korosu, Wiseman. QUATRE: You know him? HEERO: Yes. QUATRE: Then how... HEERO: Don't ask. He knows about the little incident in the Sanq Kingdom. DUO: *Grin* You mean the night that you and Relena did it with Zechs and Noin in the next room? HEERO: *Aims gun at Duo* You want to join Treize? Shut up. WISEMAN: A-HEM. At any rate, I'm supposed to send you a bad fanfic, which should make you insane. *Hits button and overrides broadcast on TV* WUFEI: And I was taping that, kisama! INJUSTICE!!! QUATRE: What's a fanfic? DUO: *TV flashes red and blares Klaxons* Don't worry about that now - we've got FANFIC SIIIIGN!!! (Gundam door sequence 19.5.1) Door 6: Standard-issue Gundam door. Door 5: The crew of the Satellite of Senshi. They disappear, and you move on. Door 4: Lucca, Marle, and Magus. They perform DarkEternal and rip apart the wall. Door 3: A geometry compass. Heero uses it to stab to wall in front of you. When that doesn't work, he shoots it and it collapses. Door 2: A small wombat. It hands a note to Duo and teleports out. Door 1: A Plot Contrivance Gun. Trowa takes it for Heavyarms. (Same room, only now with a whole lot more snacks in it. The five G-boys are lounging around. But from left to right, there's Trowa, Quatre, Duo, Heero, and Wufei.) WUFEI: Injus... kisa... damn. DUO: I feel your pain, man. QUATRE: So where's this "fanfic" thing, anyway. HEERO: (Grim) Watch the TV. >The G-Boys HEERO: Gee, boys, I don't know what to do now. WUFEI: What was that, weakling? HEERO: It's called a riff. It involves humorous comments after a line of text. Try it. DUO: Can I make sex riffs? HEERO: Knock yourself out. Just don't bring Relena into it. >(including Zechs DUO: Heh heh heh... I just noticed, but "Zechs" sounds like "Sex". Heh heh heh... WUFEI: Pervert. >and some other people) Go Minature Golfing!!!! QUATRE: (Lady Une, sarcastic) Whoops, sorry 05, didn't mean to hit you in the crotch. WUFEI: Shut _up_, Winner. *Covers "special" area* >Author's notes: TROWA: (Lady Kat) No!!! My Gundam-pilot Post-its are GONE!!! >Do you have any idea WUFEI: Why a weak onna would write a fanfic such as this? No. >how many minature golf courses there are around where I live??? A lot, that's >how many!!! HEERO: (Lady Kat) Me do math good! One plus eight equal thirty-seven! >Anyway, that's the inspiration for this goofy fic. I should be writing my longer >goofy fic, QUATRE: "A Peek Into My Subsciousness" should be interesting. HEERO: *Covers ears* Now you've gone and done it. MAGIC VOICE: FOURTH WALL BREACH!!! FOURTH WALL BREACH!!! WUFEI: HOW THE HELL DO YOU TURN THAT DAMNED THING OFF, KISAMA?!? HEERO: Quatre, apologize! NOW! QUATRE: I'm sorry! *Alarms shut off* DUO: That was... random... >but hey, I had to get this outta my system. DUO: *Grunt* Plop... WUFEI: Disgusting! >And guess what TROWA: Chicken butt. >folks???? This is *not* a Relena-bashing fic!!!!! Amazing for me, I know. Well, >to be completely honest, it's mainly cuz she isn't in this fic, HEERO: Thank God. That psycho stalker - I mean, lady of mine can be a real bitch sometimes. DUO: Umm... Heero? The camera's on. *Points to a security camera above them* HEERO: Oh, damn. >but hey, don't screw with a good thing. DUO: Then sex would be nonexistant - except with me and Hilde! ^_^ HEERO: That reminds me, Duo - where did the food come from? DUO: (Offhand) Oh, Hilde and I made it last night. *Everyone but Duo spits out the food they were chewing* What? HEERO: "I've Never..." flashback... resist... urge to kill... *Rips hand away from gun* >Oh,and when this(~~~) is typed, it means that person is above the scene, as it were. QUATRE: Yeah, their agents were lucky enough to get them out of it. >The fic gets really boring towards the end. TROWA: And the middle, and the beginning, and the disclaimer... >And the worst part is WUFEI: A weak onna wrote a dishonorable fanfic about _us_!!! HEERO: Don't bash the author... those alarms tend to go off a lot. QUATRE: *Covers ears* >I can't think of a decent thing to improve it with, DUO: So I've got to use the (Austin Powers) shagadelic things! Yeah! Groovy, baby, yeah! HEERO: Shut up, Duo. >so I have to post the lousy ending. Just warning ya. WUFEI: We pilot Gundams. We tend to be forewarned about such dishonorable subjects. >Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing characters, ALL: ... QUATRE: (Thrilled) There's an anime about _us_!?!?!? TROWA: Interesting. HEERO: Oh, damn. >Settler's Mill Golf, Sisqo, any thongs, DUO: Awww... >or anything else in this fic 'cept me. And the usage of the word "special" that >I'm using near the end of the fanfic is from the webpage "Blood Soaked and Honor >Bound". WUFEI: The authoress visits S&M sites? A woman after my own heart! HEERO: ... Not even gonna ask. TROWA: I didn't need to hear that. QUATRE: What's S&M? TROWA: Ask Dorothy. >No infringement intended. >::Heero, Trowa, Quatre, Wufei, and Zechs TROWA: Have the orgy, the fanfic's over, the end. DUO: O_o' Uh... _no_. >walk into a large....room containing QUATRE: By the way, Trowa, what's an orgy? TROWA: *Sweatdrop* Go ask Dorothy. >a snack bar, a register for water slides HEERO: (Agent Kay) I'm from the WaterSlide Police, Division 6. I'm looking for him. >and a door leading out to them(to the right), a register for minature golf and >a door leading out to the course(to the left), and lots of people. TROWA: A massive orgy ensued, and the fic ended. HEERO: ... Trowa, I'm warning you... >Heero and Wufei are in their usual outfits from the show, DUO: And that's different from normal _how_? WUFEI: (Proudly) This suit has been through every fight on my precious Nataku! It will last me for ages! *Duo spills his hip flask on Wufei's shirt* You... you... KISAMA!!!!! TEMEE!!! DUO: *Smirk* Whoops. >Trowa has on gray swim trunks and a navy blue t-shirt, TROWA: ... I prefer black. *His clothes change to reflect the fic* Oh, damn. QUATRE: What... HEERO: The... WUFEI: F(BLEEP)ck... DUO: Was that? TROWA: I believe it was a plot contrivance. >Quatre is wearing his usual khaki pants but has a white tank top on QUATRE: (Singing) I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt... DUO: Hey, that's _my_ song! >(authoress resists the urge to drool), WUFEI: (Lady Kat as Homer Simpson) Mmm... chocolate... >and Zechs has on a red shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his shoulders, >tight white pants,(the authoress *does* drool) QUATRE: *Squints* Hey, is that a bulge in his pants? >and that dumb mask HEERO: Tuxedo Dumb Mask - the new bishounen for Sailor Moon! >(authoress stops drooling and scowls):: WUFEI: (Exact Marrissa) I shall smite you, INFIDEL! DUO: That's so good it's scary. >Quatre: I wish we could go on the water slides instead of minature golfing. >::looks out right door:: DUO: (Quatre) Dorothy, I never knew that you didn't wear a bikini top... TROWA: ... Shut up, Duo. >Wufei: Well, unfortunately, the dishonorable and weak author of this weak fanfic >is making us play the weak game of miniature golf. HEERO: Repetition is such a wonderful repetitious thing in a repetitious fanfic of repetition. DUO: Look, the fanfic's repeating! HEERO: *Pulls out gun* Don't even joke about that. >~~~Voice from the sky: WUFEI: (God in "Holy Grail") Arthur... ARTHUR! Your quest is the Holy Grail... Stop averting your eyes! MAGIC VOICE: I just know I'm going to hell for that. Well, time to go ask for forgiveness... QUATRE: Who was that? HEERO: Magic Voice. Don't ask; I don't know any more. >That's author*ess* if you don't mind. >Wufei: Wonderful. Now we're playing a weak game in a weak fanfic written by a >dishonorable and weak onna. ::shakes his fist at the sky:: HEERO: (Wufei) I want my Chinese food, dammit! DUO: (Wufei) Nataku! Come back here or I'll come up there after you! >Injustice!!! ALL BUT WUFEI: Shut UP! WUFEI: What? I look _good_ when I do that. >Heero: Wufei, people are staring at you. WUFEI: Of course - I'm hot! HEERO: Don't make me kill you. >::Wufei crosses his arms:: WUFEI: (Fashion designer) Now add a little pout there... that's it, work it, honey, work it! *SLAP* OWW!!! KISAMA!!! HEERO: I warned you. >Wufei: I don't care. DUO: Obviously. WUFEI: Shut up, you braided baka. >Heero: Just checking. >~~~Voice from the sky: Could you just pay and get out there? TROWA: (Voice from sky) I paid for the Full Monty, and by God, I'm gonna get it! >Wufei: ::looking at the ticket price:: Nani?? $7.50 a person??? DUO: (Wufei) For a hot dog?!? INJUSTICE! HEERO: (Wufei) Just for five minutes on a weak roller coaster?!? INJUSTICE! WUFEI: Shut up. *Grumbles something unprintable* >To play such a weak game???? Injustice!!!!!! DUO: Hey, guys, if the fic Wufei says injustice again, can I smack the real one? WUFEI: *Draws katana* If you wish to die, Maxwell, you can try. >Everyone: *sigh and sweatdrop* ::they all pay and Trowa and Quatre manage to get HEERO: Undressed somehow... TROWA: Don't mention that incident... >Wufei to shut up for five seconds so he can pay too. WUFEI: It's like trying to get President Clinton to stay faithful to Hillary... *Others snicker* Wha... INJUSTICE!!!! I insulted myself!!! >Meanwhile, Heero and Zechs are trying to figure out TROWA: Where the whipped cream and chocolate sauce are stored. QUATRE: For ice cream? TROWA: *Thinks for a second* I guess you could say it was either popsicles or banana splits. HEERO: *Cocks gun* Leave me out of your fantasies, Barton. >who is writing the fic:: QUATRE: Oh, God, no one's writing the fic!!! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE WE'RE ALL GONNA - *Calms down* Sorry about that. Snapped. >Heero: Her voice sounds way too familar. We must have been in her fics before. >Zechs: And I have this sinking feeling that HEERO: (Milliardo) The burritos I ate for lunch are gonna come back to haunt me in about an hour... >we didn't have a good time of it. HEERO: ... Anyone makes a yaoi joke and I shoot them. TROWA: Don't look at me. >Heero: Me too. I mean, she actually has *us* working together without a second >thought. ::Quatre, Trowa, and Wufei walk over carrying the golf balls and Heero >and Zechs hand them their clubs:: DUO: (Zechs) Onwards to victory, o Gundam pilots of Ni! GERONIMO!!!! QUATRE: Where did that come from? >Zechs: True. ::pause:: I hope she isn't a yaoi writer. WUFEI: What do you think the clubs are for? TROWA: There's always the Kleenex brand. HEERO: -_-''' QUATRE: What the hell are you two talking about? WUFEI AND TROWA: GO ASK DOROTHY!!! WUFEI: Kisamas... >Trowa: You mean that this could be a yaoi fic? TROWA: Ng. DUO: ... Not even gonna say anything. >Zechs: Possibly. I mean, there *are* a lot of bushes outside. HEERO: And look, there go Misato and Asuka, and they're streaking behind the bushes! DUO: Man! Now I can't see them... >Wufei: Oh, in the name of all that is honorable and just, no!!!!!!! DUO: Guys, is that close enough for a whack? *Everyone else except Wufei nods* Okay then... *Hits Wufei upside the head* WUFEI: ... ... ... *Draws katana* KISAMAAAAAA!!!!!!!! *Starts chasing Duo around the room* DUO: *Runs like hell* HELP MEEEEEEE!!!! QUATRE: *Sigh* We'll never get this over with if they don't stop. HEERO: Allow me. *Pulls rock from under the sofa and throws it at Duo. It hits, and Duo's knocked out cold* WUFEI: *Sheathes katana* Ah, the sweet sound of justice. HEERO: Shut up and watch the fic. >Quatre: ::edging closer to Trowa:: Trowa, I'm scared. ::looks at him and then >moves away:: Never mind. TROWA: I don't mind. QUATRE: ... Not gonna ask. >Heero: ::as they are all walking outside:: I don't think this is a yaoi fic. >Zechs: Why not? QUATRE: Because there's no porno music, no Duo, and no box of Trojans on the first hole. *Thinks for a second* Oh, great... now I made a hentai riff. Just great. >Heero: Because I'm usually paired with that braided baka Duo, and he's not here. >Quatre: ::looks around as they reach the first tee:: Hey, that's right. Where is >he? WUFEI: (Smug) He's out cold behind the couch. >Zechs: And what are they doing here? QUATRE: (Steve Urkel) Hi, guys! I'm here to play with you! WUFEI: *Shudder* TROWA: (Michael Jackson) Hit it, just hit it, hit the ball with your club, you s(BLEEP)it... HEERO: That's just wrong, and the language is too. Watch it. >::points to Treize and Lady Une who appear to be waiting for them. Treize has >kept busy planting rose bushes all over the entire course, making it more "elegant", >as it were. HEERO: I think that Tuxedo Jack and Treize would get along great. WUFEI: Another weak tuxedo-clad bishounen? _I'M_ the world's best bishounen! HEERO: I beg to differ, temee. _I'M_ the bishounen! *A brawl breaks out between all four conscious pilots* DUO: *Regains consciousness* Gruuu... *Sees the brawl* Normally I'd make a cheap yaoi catfight joke here, but... >He is now standing by a bench, holding a red golf ball and his club in one hand >and a rose in his right. DUO: Tuxedo Treize! *The brawl rages on* Damn, they're gonna break something... *A "snap" is heard from Heero's right leg* >Lady Une is sitting on the bench, braiding her hair. Her glasses are resting >beside her and a purple golf ball is resting in her lap. They are both in full >uniform except Treize doesn't have his cape:: DUO: He lent it to Magus after the horrible crossover incident. >Lady Une: Why Zechs and the Gundam pilots; it's a pleasure to see you again. DUO: (Une) Yes, and my gun and its twelve little friends think so too! *Imitates semiautomatic firing. The brawl behind him slowly dies out* Welcome back, guys. TROWA: What happened? DUO: You missed two cheap riffs, a broken leg, and a yaoi catfight joke. TROWA: Damn. I always miss the good stuff. >::finishes braiding the one side of her hair and moves on to the other:: >Treize: Yes, it will be an honor to play with you. WUFEI: But it will be DISHONO... MMMPH! *Heero covers Wufei's mouth* HEERO: _No._ >Zechs: ::raises an eyebrow, only you can't tell cuz of that damn mask:: You're DUO: At a strip club, Treize? What's the matter, Leia over there won't put out? HEERO: She doesn't wear her hair like that. DUO: She does in "Endless Duel". >playing miniature golf, Treize? >Treize: ::sticking the rose into his breast pocket:: Well, normally I would >prefer croquet over golf, but I couldn't resist such a polite offer from such >a charming young lady. TROWA: (Treize) So I took her back to my apartment and we broke the bed. QUATRE: ... Not even gonna ask how. >Heero: Wait. QUATRE: (Heero) Wait, dammit! This is the only bus to L4, dammit! AND I MISSED IT!!! >You know what baka onna is writing this thing? WUFEI: (Treize) Yes, her name is Oscar. She's sitting up over there... in more ways than one. HEERO: Never, _EVER_, make an Oscar riff in front of me. >Treize: Well, I wouldn't describe her the way you just did, but yes, I do. She was >even kind enough to pay for us. TROWA: (Treize) And in exchange, I have agreed to be her love slave for eternity. >Wufei: You mean the weak onna payed for you, but not us?!?!? ALL: (Wufei, pissed off) INJUSTICE!!!! WUFEI: Quit it already! >::looks at sky and points his finger menacingly:: This is the last injustice >onna!!! I demand in the name of Nataku to know who you are right now!!!! TROWA: (Wufei as Usagi) I'm Bishounen Senshi Sailor Wufei! I will right wrongs and triumph over INJUSTICE! And in the name of Nataku, I will punish you! OTHERS: *Sweatdrop* >~~~Voice from the sky: Oh, alright. Geez, you sound like Sailor Moon or something. >::parts clouds and looks down on them:: QUATRE: (VFtS) Arthur, you now have your quest. Go through the eighteen holes of miniature golf in Settler's Mill and you will find the Grail. >Wufei: Nani? HEERO: We've secretly replaced the authoress with Fran Drescher. Let's see if anyone notices the difference. >How dare you compare me to that weak odangoed onn.......::arm drops::....oh, >Kami. DUO: (Answering machine) I'm not in right now, please leave your divine judgment after the beep. >Trowa: Hn. DUO: *Grunts* Plop... WUFEI: Maxwell, I'm warning you... >Zechs: It's......*you*. TROWA: (Badly dubbed samurai) It is our ancient rivals, the Ronin Warriors! We must defeat them in the ratings competition to retain our honor! >Heero: Figures. QUATRE: Let's see... by my best guess, Dorothy's 36-22-38. TROWA: *Sweatdrop* >Quatre: ::overly relieved to see that the authoress isn't a yaoi writer:: HEERO: (Thinking) Must... resist... yuri authoress... crack... >Hi Lady Kat!!! WUFEI: (Mage voice) I summon Oscar to deal with this feline menace!!! >~~~Kat: Oh, I feel the love. ALL: (Singing, with Quatre in a really high squeaky voice) Caaaaaaan you feeeeeel the looooooove tonight... >Hi Quatre. Hello Treize-sama, Une-sama. Oh, and guys, I know TROWA: (Lady Kat) That the MSTer is on a sugar rush and can barely type coherently, much less think in the same manner. *A crashing sound is heard* (Normal) What was that? HEERO: *Grumble* Damn Fourth Wall... *Grumble* >that you were wondering where Duo-chan was, well, he's here. ::pushes over clouds >more to reveal Duo leaning on her shoulder, waving idiotically:: >~~~Duo: Hey guys!! Having fun, Hee-chan? >Heero: Omae o korosu, Duo. HEERO: *Draws gun* Why not? >~~~Duo: What? Ya gonna kill me with your golf club, Heero? Kat took away your gun. >::walks away:: DUO: *Smirks, and Heero's gun vanishes* Ha ha. HEERO: I can still kill you with my thumb. >Heero: ::tries to pull his gun out of wherever he fits it in those spandex shorts >but finds it isn't there:: Give me back my gun, Kat. QUATRE: That explains the bottle of Viagra in his bathroom cabinet! HEERO: I _told_ you to keep that a secret, dammit! DUO: Still, though, if he hides the gun there, it would look like he's permanently got a massive bo... *Heero covers Duo's mouth* HEERO: __NO__. >~~~Kat: No. Oh, and Treize-sama? Une-sama? Here. ::hands them each a cherry >italian ice:: HEERO: I hope they're laced with poison. >Lady Une: ::has her hair up in buns now:: Thank you Kat. How very sweet of you! DUO: *Winces and grabs tooth* Damn cavities! >Treize: Yes, thank you. >Quatre: Hey, what about us? WUFEI: (Lady Kat as Soup Nazi) No ice for you! Come back, five year! >~~~Kat: Sorry Quatre, they're my fav characters. >Trowa: So that's also why you paid for them. >~~~Kat: Yup. TROWA: (Hick) Ah reckon that thar outhouse yonder be done in 'bout ten y'ars. MAGIC VOICE: Damn, is that one of my trademark riffs or something? HEERO: Shut _UP_, Magic Voice! >Zechs: Hey!!! I'm one of your favorite characters too!!! How come I didn't get >all that? QUATRE: (Droopy) I don't like you. >~~~Kat: Sorry Zechsy-boy, you wore the mask. >Zechs: I want a cherry ice!!! ::stamps foot:: >~~~Kat: Take off the mask. TROWA: *Waves a dollar bill* Take it aaaaall off! QUATRE: What are you doing, Trowa? TROWA: *Sigh* Go ask Dorothy. >Zechs: No. >~~~Kat: ::a la Soup Nazi on Seinfeld:: Then no cherry ice for you!! ::looks to >her left:: Duo, what are you doing? HEERO: (HAL 9000) Duo, what are you doing? Duo, stop. Stop, Duo. My mind is going, Duo. I can feel it... the bad fanfics are destroying my circuits... >No Duo, stay outta that drawer!!!! >~~~Duo: ::holding up......something:: Ooooooooh, what's this??? DUO: (Data) It appears to be a form of undergarments, Captain. My database of antique Earth clothing refers to it as a pair of "crotchless panties". *THWAP WHACK* QUATRE: Stop it! Lady Kat's a good writer! And after all, you didn't have to go golfing, so why are you picking on her? HEERO: One more time, Duo, and I shoot off your *DING*. >::As if on cue, Sisqo appears in the background:: TROWA: (Sisqo) Lemme shoot that *DING*, that *DING*, *DING*, *DING*, *DING*, *DING*... DUO: Trowa. Calm. Down. Now. >~~~Sisqo: ::singing:: Lemme see that thoooonnnnnngggg, that thong, thong, thong, >thong, thong. HEERO: ... Shut up, Duo. DUO: I told you so. >~~~Kat: If y'all don't mind, I now have a situation to deal with. DUO: (Kat) Russia's launching nuclear missiles at us! We've got to stop them! >So if you could please get on with the game, it would be highly appreciated. HEERO: (Kat) Otherwise, omae o korosu to you all. >Bye Treize-sama!! Bye Une-sama!!! Have fun, you two!!! QUATRE: (Treize) Oh, we will... DUO: Wink, wink, nudge, nudge, saynomore! >Zechs, Heero, Quatre, Wufei, and Trowa: What about *us*?!?!?!? TROWA: Let the orgy begin! *CRUNCH* HEERO: *Eye twitches* >Treize: I believe we should commense with the determination of the player who, >at the outset of the game and at each individual phase of the course, collides >their club with the ball in order to secure their ball in the cup. ALL: *Snore* >Wufei: What? >Treize: ::sigh:: Who goes first? QUATRE: No, Who's on first. TROWA: What? QUATRE: He's on second. TROWA: Who? QUATRE: Who's on first. TROWA: That's what I'm asking you! HEERO: *Sweatdrop* >Wufei: Well, it would be a great injustice if I didn't go first...... DUO: *Raises hand* WUFEI: *Draws katana* DUO: *Drops hand* WUFIE: You're learning, Maxwell. *Leaves katana unsheathed* >Quatre: Why don't we go in alphabetical order? >Trowa: That sounds fair. >Lady Une: ::slipping her glasses on:: TROWA: And slipping her clothes off! RROWR! (Normal) NANI?!?!? >A logical choice, 04. HEERO: (Kirk) Excellent move, Spock. We must listen to your tactical advice more often. >(A/N: Okay, I know she sounds like Spock there, but hey, I couldn't come up with >anything else.) DUO: And apparently, neither can Heero. HEERO: Shut up, Duo. >Wufei: INJUS....::is cut off as Trowa's hand comes down over his mouth:: >Quatre: And for the sake of peace, Wufei can go first. QUATRE: (Vash) This land... is made... of LOVE AND PEACE!!!!! >Wufei: ::after Trowa removed his hand:: Fine. ::So the basic order when like this: >Wufei, Heero, Lady Une(she insisted that the "L" was the first letter in her name >instead of the "U"), Quatre, Treize, Trowa, and last Zechs.:: TROWA: Our order is Trowa, Quatre, Duo, Heero, Wufei. WUFEI: But I was going first... INJUSTICE!!! >Zechs: ::whiny:: I don't get paid for, I don't get a cherry ice, and...... >I'm......::deep breath::.LAST!!!!!!! DUO: (Zechs as Usagi) No Italian ice... but... but... WAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!!!!! >Lady Une: Oh shut up, you Oz traitor. >Treize: More graceful, Lady Une. >Une: ::bowing slightly to Treize:: I apologize, Your Execellency. TROWA: (Treize) I told you never to call me that when we're out of bed! >::turns to Zechs:: Shut up, *please*. >Treize: ::sighs:: Better. ::blinks:: I think. QUATRE: (Treize as Descartes) Therefore I am. >Trowa: ::holding scorecard:: It's your turn Wufei. WUFEI: My guess is the letter S! And then I shall buy a vowel. HEERO: Wrong game, baka. >Wufei: ::mutters something along the lines of weak game, dishonorable onna, >I'll beat the weak game for Nataku, and so on as he places his black golf ball >down on the tee and hits in the direction of the hole. DUO: But it veers off course, slamming through the barn doors and killing the manager of the course. The End. >It bounces off of the stones lining the green, and rolls into the cup.:: Ha!! >There you weak onna of a writer!!! I will beat your weak game!!!! WUFEI: *Kodachi laugh* I have triumphed over your weak dishonorable game! OTHERS: *Shudder* >~~~Kat: ::pushing aside clouds:: No, I don't like that. Time for a plot twist >with a QUATRE: Spritz of lime! >resulting plot hole so large a Mac truck could drive though it. HEERO: Or Rosie O'Donnell. >::At this point, Wufei's ball rolls out of the cup and back to the tee:: TROWA: (Golf ball, ghostly) Wufei, I have come back from the hole to haunt you... >Wufei: INJUSTICE!!!!! Onna, I hope you realize that this means war!! DUO: (Wufei as Bugs Bunny) Of course, you know, dis means war. WUFEI: Shut up, kisama. >~~~Kat: ::smirking:: Honey, I'm not a fan of Treize for nothing. HEERO: (Thinking) Must... restrain... fanservice riff... must keep hentai in check! >Wufei: KISAMA!!!! WUFEI: KISAMA!!!! *Heero slaps Wufei* HEERO: Damn fic interactivity... >~~~Kat: That's nice. >Zechs: ::throwing off his mask:: There!!! I took it off!!!! Can I have my cherry >ice now???? TROWA: Now work it, baby, work it! >~~~Kat: Weeeeeeeeell, you didn't take it off when I asked, so I don't think....... DUO: Not gonna make a "call me queen" riff.... not gonna make a "call me queen" riff... >Zechs: Please?????? QUATRE: GYAAH! Too... kawaii... must stop the tooth decay! CALL MY DENTIST!!! >~~~Kat: Aw, he looks so kawaii when he does that.........oh, okay, here ya go. >::hands him a cherry italian ice:: >Zechs: Yay!! ::happily trots off:: WUFEI: (Zechs) Yes! (Zechs, singsong) I got a note from my doctor! I get out of this fi-ic! >~~~Kat: And he won't be needing this.......::takes his mask and pushes the clouds >back together:: >Wufei: ::muttering, he goes to finish his turn. His ball rounds the cup on his >second, third, and fourth hits. And on his fifth hit, it stops right on the edge >of the cup::(A/N:Don't'cha just hate it when that happens?) Injustice, onna!!!! >Do you hear me???? INJUSTICE!!!!! I demand you show your face!! HEERO: And the lasers from Kat-sama's eyes would rip you apart, Wufei. >~~~Kat: ::is heard but not seen:: I'm not making anymore self-insertion cameos, >thank you. DUO: Such a wonderful thing... that must mean that this is half over. WUFEI: And I can get back to my Chinese history show! >Wufei: ::muttering, he grabs the golf ball as Trowa writes a six down on the >scorecard. After that, Heero gets a 2, so does Lady Une, Quatre gets a 4, Treize >gets a hole in one ^_~, Trowa gets a 3, and Zechs gets a 2. This pattern continues >until the 5th hole:: TROWA: Amazing... I golf better than I shoot. >Trowa: Okay, Wufei got a six, Heero-3, DUO: -some with Dorothy and Relena. HEERO: GYAH! Bad... mental... image... must... rip... out... eyes! >Lady Une-a two, Quatre, it's your turn. WUFEI: (Dark, snakelike) To _DIE_! >Quatre: ::puts a dark blue golf ball on the tee and hits it rather hard. TROWA: Making it fly into the clouds and knock Duo down onto the course, forcing him to participate in this with us. DUO: You wish. >It should be noted that the green for this hole went out into a deep pond-lake thing. >The green is lined with stones except for the right side, where a ball would just >fall into a stream that leads into the pond-lake thing. Anyhoo, Quatre's ball, as >I'm sure you've all guessed by now, rolls off of the course and into the small >stream on the right.:: QUATRE: But aren't they in a sack between my... *Trowa covers Quatre's mouth* TROWA: For the love of God, stop now. >Oops. ::runs over to the stream:: I think it might be stuck under this rock. >::puts his finger under the rock to see if it is, and then immediately pulls it >out and turns to Trowa:: HEERO: (Quatre) Something bit me! >It's slimy under there. WUFEI: (Muttering) Weakling. >Trowa: ::gives Quatre a look that practically screams 'You have *got* to be kidding >me.':: HEERO: And a sweatdrop. >Quatre: Oh alright. ::puts his finger back under the rock and pulls it out again:: >Trowa......something touched me. DUO: (High voice) He _touched_ me! >Trowa: ::kneels down and pulls a dead leaf out from under the rock and holds it up:: DUO: (Trowa, exaggerating) Bad leaf! You scared my Quatre! I shall punish you like I do him! SPANKING! TROWA: *Turns beet red* QUATRE: NANINANINANI?!? >Quatre: ::shrugs shoulders and grins sheepishly:: HEERO: No, he's yelling "NANINANINANI?!?" over in the corner. >Everyone else: ::roll eyes::(A/N: This happened to me. True story.) WUFEI: Only the setting, objects, props, players, and author are fake. >Wufei: Now what? HEERO: We leave. The fic's not over, but do we care? (Reverse door sequence) (Scene: same room. The fic's paused, and Trowa and Quatre are in another room. Wufei is trying to fix an alcoholic drink, and Heero and Duo are lounging on the couch.) DUO: And you actually put _up_ with this on the Satellite? HEERO: Until they showed "Lemon Wing". After that, I stowed away on a spaceship back to Earth and used the Juraiians to get back here. DUO: Damn... this Wiseman's one sick bastard. QUATRE: (Offstage) YOU'VE HAD _WHAT_ FANTASIES?!? WUFEI: *Sweatdrop* Looks like those two are kinda busy... *TV clicks back to Wiseman* WISEMAN: What did you do to the fic?!? You're supposed to be watching it! HEERO: Stow it, freak. Trowa and Quatre are busy, and Wufei's getting drinks. DUO: After all, we're gonna need to be smashed just to finish this. HEERO: Much like Misato on any given night. WISEMAN: Just get it over with! *Clicks the TV back to the fic* WUFEI: BARTON! WINNER! GET IN HERE! WE'RE NOT GOING TO WATCH THIS ALONE! *Trowa and Quatre enter. Trowa's still beet red and Quatre's slightly green* Just what did you say to him, Barton? TROWA: He asked about the fantasies, so I told him. QUATRE: Does anyone have some Pepto-Bismol? Urrrrrp... *Turns a deeper green and Heero hands him a bucket* HEERO: Just spew in that - the fic's coming back on. (No door sequence - hell, they're not going anywhere, are they?) (Same room. Seating order is now Trowa, Duo, Heero, Quatre, Wufei.) WUFEI: *Hands Quatre some antinauseants* Here, Winner. QUATRE: (Weakly) Thanks... >Heero: Hey Quatre. There's an orange ball floating over there. If you go through >those bushes, you can grab it with your club. QUATRE: Unlike Trowa, who wanted to use clamps and electrodes... *Glare* HEERO, DUO, AND WUFEI: NANI?!? TROWA: So I like a little pain. What? >Quatre: Okay. ::does what Heero said and returns carrying the orange golf ball:: >Sorry guys. HEERO: (Quatre) Soory I had to be in this fanfic with you. >Heero: Just put it over where your first ball rolled off and don't hit it into the >water again. DUO: (Heero) Or I'll have to kill you. >Quatre: ::does so and gets a three and Trowa adds a stroke for the water. Treize >gets another hole in one ^_^, Trowa gets a three, and Zechs gets a 2. Then they go >to the next hole. WUFEI: Whereupon I get a six, as usual... >Wufei gets a 6, as usual, WUFEI: INJUSTICE!!! Weak dishonorable onna of an author! >and mutters about injustice, HEERO: Damn mind-probing fics... >Heero gets a two, Lady Une gets a hole in one, and then it's Quatre's turn again:: >Trowa: And this time, don't hit it into the water. ::points to pond at the end of >the green:: DUO: Nope, Quatre there hits it into a pile of dog poop at the end of the course. >Quatre: Don't worry, I won't do that again. ::hits the ball really hard, it bounces >over the rocks, goes 'kerplunk' into the water, and sinks:: ::laughs nervously and >shrugs his shoulders while everyone else groans:: ::in a sing-song voice:: Oops, >I did it again..... QUATRE: (Britney Spears) I let out a fart... *Farts* OTHERS: DISGUSTING!!! >Trowa: Yes, you did. (A/N: This happened to me too. Anyone get the idea that I'm a >*really* bad golfer?) TROWA: No worse than I am. >Treize: There's a light blue ball floating in the middle of that lake there. WUFEI: And the Lady of the Lake will come forth and give Excaliball to King Quatre, master of the Round Gundam. >Quatre: Yeah, but how do we get it? ::at this point Lady Une takes out a gun and >shoots the water where the ball is and it flies out of the water and into her hand:: DUO: And the author realizes that she uses the word "and" in a sextence too many times and make it a run-on sentence and made us lose interest in the fanfic... >Heero: Hey! How come you got to keep your gun? >Lady Une: Because Kat likes me better than you. QUATRE: (Lady Une) So there! NYAAAAH! *Sticks out tongue* >::turns to Quatre:: Here you are, 04. ::hands him golf ball:: >Heero: ::to sky:: Omae o korosu, Kat. HEERO: One of my more favored ways to pick up women. WUFEI: Use your arms, dimwit. HEERO: You don't quite get it, do you? >Quatre: ::places new golf ball down and successfully gets a two. Trowa adds one >stroke for the water. DUO: *Snicker* "Stroke"... *THWAP CRUNCH JUDOCHOP!* QUATRE, TROWA, AND HEERO: *Veins on forehead throb* >Treize gets a hole in one(big surprise, huh?), Trowa gets a 3, and Zechs gets a >hole in one:: >Zechs: ::jumping up and down while everyone else sweatdrops:: I got a hole in one!!!! >Whoo-hoo!!! TROWA: (Zechs, stoned) That's some good s(BLEEP)it, man! >::They go to the seventh hole, which has one of those jumps where the ball has to >go over a small stream that cuts the the green in half. Everyone looks at Quatre.:: HEERO: Five to one says that he gets it in the water. QUATRE: Shut up! >Quatre: What? Stop looking at me!!! QUATRE: (Manic) STOP LOOKING AT ME!!! STOP IT!!!!!!! *Trowa slaps Quatre* Thanks... I needed that. >:Trowa walks over to him and takes his club and ball:: DUO: Insert generic hentai riff here... >Trowa: You're not going to be putting this hole. I'll give you a two. (A/N: Do you >know my friend did this to me?) WUFEI: Feh. It is nothing compared to golf with Gundams! HEERO: Not even gonna ask... >Quatre: But Trowa!!!! ::tries to unsuccessfully get his stuff back while Wufei steps >up to the tee:: TROWA: GOLFER... UP! >Wufei: ::muttering:: I don't see why I even have to play. All Trowa has to do is write >down a six for me, becuase that's all that onna will let me get. ALL EXCEPT WUFEI: We know, we know, weak, dishonorable onna, this is injustice, et cetera, et cetera. >::he hits the ball and by some miraculous event(actually just the authoress's pity), >he gets a hole in one. At first, he stands there, waiting for the injustices that are >plot holes, MAGIC VOICE: I prefer calling them "plot contrivances". >but the ball doesn't come back to the tee:: >Heero: Looks like Kat let you get a hole in one. >Wufei: I wonder how long that'll last. ::Then Heero and Lady Une go and both get two's >because I'm lazy.:: DUO: So I'd have to do all the work?!? *SLAP CLANG* HEERO: _Don't_. _Do_. _That_. WUFEI: *Sheathes katana* Silence, Maxwell! >Trowa: Alright, Quatre. Just give it a good hit. HEERO: ... Before piloting a Gundam, too! Do you want to get killed or something? QUATRE: I'm not the one who hits the happy weed! WUFEI: (Thinking) Oh, damn, how'd they find out? >(A/N: I know what you're thinking. Do your minds live in the gutter, or is it just >me?) TROWA: Gutter. HEERO: Gutter. QUATRE: Gutter. DUO: Gutter. WUFEI: Just you. >::hands him golf ball and club:: >Quatre: I'm not gonna hit it in the water, I'm not gonna hit it in the water, I'm >not gonna..... TROWA: *Sigh* I'll get the net. HEERO: Damn, Quatre, even I'm not in the water as much as your balls! DUO: *Bursts out laughing* HEERO: SHUT UP! >::he hits it and gets a hole in one:: I didn't hit it in the water!! ::and everyone >else gets two's because I'm lazy. Yes, even Treize. In order to get to the next hole, >they have to cross a rickety rope bridge:: DUO: (Deep voice) Indiana Heero and the Golf Course of Doom. >So......who wants to go first? >Wufei: I'm not afraid of some weak bridge. I'll go first. HEERO: Indiana Wufei and the Rope Bridge of Weenies. WUFEI: Bite me, kisama. >Treize: Now Wufei, that wouldn't be gentlemanly. QUATRE: This is _Wufei_ we're talking about, Treize. >We have a lady here. ::indicates Lady Une:: >Wufei: We do? TROWA: (Lady Une) Chauvinist pig! *Makes sounds of a semiautomatic* >Lady Une: Why you....::takes out gun and aims it at Wufei:: >Treize: Lady Une.... DUO: (Treize) You use your gun, I won't use my "gun" on you tonight... >Lady Une: ::puts gun away:: You're lucky 05. HEERO: One hell of an incentive. >Treize: ::to Une:: Shall we? >Lady Une: Gladly. ::he extends his arm, she takes it, and they cross the bridge. >A happy sigh is heard:: >Quatre: What was that? WUFEI: Trowa passed gas. TROWA: *Vein throbs* I think not. >Everyone besides Quatre, Une, and Treize: ::look at each other:: Kat. ALL: Meow! >Quatre: Oh. ::everyone crosses the bridge except for Quatre. He timidly stepped >onto the wobbly bridge and grabs one of the side ropes. He slowly walks along it, >holding the rope and pulling himself along until he reached the other side. ALL BUT QUATRE: (Singing) When a rope bridge reared its ugly head, Sir Quatre bravely turned and fled... QUATRE: (British) I did not! >(A/N: My friend did this. But you don't care, do you? I know, the fic's getting >boring. TROWA: "Getting" boring? HEERO: It's been there for the past five holes! >I'm thinking the same thing. Don't worry though, it's almost over. ALL: *Sigh in relief, cheer, or dance, due to their preference* >I hope.):: ALL EXCEPT HEERO: *Scream in horror* HEERO: Omae o korosu, TV... At least, I would if I had my gun. >Wufei: Weakling, can't even cross a bridge. TROWA: This from a guy who won't even date a woman who he knows is interested in him. WUFEI: Shut up, Barton. >Trowa, Heero, and Zechs: Shut up, Wufei. HEERO: Whaddaya know? The fic said it for me! >Treize: I must admit, you *do* rather resemble a broken record. QUATRE: What's this "record" thing he's talking about? HEERO: Go... QUATRE: I know, I know, go ask Dorothy. HEERO: No, I was actually going to say that you should go to an antiques shop and ask for an LP45. Relena's got a lot of them. >Wufei: Injust......weak......dishon.......damn. ::They reach the eighth hole and --- >surprise!--- DUO: (Marilyn Monroe, singing) Surprise! *Imitates Marilyn shimmying out of a cake* Happy birthday, Wufei... Happy birthday, Wufei... WUFEI: *Vein throbs* DUO: (Marilyn Monroe, singing) Happy birthday, you weak onna, happy birthday to you! WUFEI: *Vein throbs even more as he unsheathes his katana* Do you know what I'd normally do to you for that, Maxwell? DUO: Chase me around the room screaming "kisama" and "I crave justice" while swinging your katana insanely? WUFEI: Correct. But because I'm trying to calm down, I won't do that. DUO: *Sigh of relief* WUFEI: I'LL DO THIS INSTEAD! *Whacks Duo upside the head with a Hammerspace mallet a la Akane Tendo* DUO... NO... BAKA!!!!! >Wufei gets a six:: That's it!!! I refuse to play this wea.......game any longer!!! >I quit!!! HEERO: (Lady Kat) You can't quit - YOU'RE FIRED! >::storms off:: >Heero: I'm with him on this. ::follows Wufei:: >Trowa: ::grabs Quatre's arm:: Come on. ::they walk away:: >Zechs: Wait for me; I'm important too!!!! ::runs after everyone, leaving Treize and >Lady Une:: DUO: At last! It's over! But wait a minute... I was up in the sky the whole time with Lady Kat, so why the hell am I bitching about playing golf? >Treize: Well, I must say, that was rather rude of them. QUATRE: (Stephanie Tanner from "Full House") How rude! >Lady Une: Well, what *can* you expect from a group of rebels? TROWA: To destroy the two Death Stars, make some Jedi, and save the galaxy from the evil Galactic Empire. >Treize: Not much, obviously. ::turns around:: The next hole is inside a cave. DUO: Insert standard double entendre here. >Lady Une: ::upon realizing they were the only ones left on the entire golf course, >she smiles evilly:: A cave, huh? ::they look at each other, happily discard their >clubs and golf balls, and go inside. HEERO: (Lady Une) Time to play Twister! DUO: Not Twister... HEERO: One more hentai riff and I rip off your *DING* and jam it down that growth you call a throat. DUO: Hilde'd kill me! >Random "special" noises are heard, HEERO: Bink. DUO: Bonk. TROWA: Squish. QUATRE: Slurp! WUFEI: Ka-boooooom! HEERO: Not even gonna ask... WUFEI: The cave blows up, killing Treize and Une, and saving me some valuable time in the process. FEMALE VOICE: (Over P.A.) Baka! BOLT16! *The Bolt spell from FFII for NES slams into Wufei, shocking and singing him* WUFEI: Ouch. *Coughs smoke* >but are overshadowed by a yell of "Evil Fruitopia machine!!! WUFEI: (Person yelling at Fruitopia machine) Thomas More never wrote it like this!!! DAMN YOU!!! >Give me my dollar back!!! This is injustice!!!!" Give you one guess who said that.:: QUATRE: Do we even need to guess? WUFEI: (Grumbling) Shut up. >*Well, that's it. Stupid ending, I know. HEERO: I take it she's never read "The Ac-Anime Fanfic Awards", then. MAGIC VOICE: Bite me, jerkoff. >I just didn't really feel like going through all 18 holes. And I was running out of >ideas. DUO: Unfortunately, Trowa's not running out of gas. *Trowa... well... farts* TROWA: *Blushes* Excuse me. >Comments and constructive criticisms are welcome, so please review. QUATRE: Can we use hammers on the fic? DUO: Why not? They're used to construct things. >However, flames will be immediately shot down by Heero. ::Kat pushes camera towards >Heero, who shoots a random flame down and is laughing insanely. ALL: *Pull the "Dr. Evil makes the ransom demand from the United Nations" laugh bit - I'm just too lazy to pull the script and write that bit* >She pulls the camera back over to her:: WUFEI: Why is she acting out the "Ed, Edd, and Eddy" theme? *All look at Wufei strangely* Did I just say that out loud? >Thank you. Oh, and guess what? TROWA: Chicken butt. QUATRE: You already said that, Trowa-chan. HEERO: (Thinking) Waaaaait a minute... >I got to try pocky!!! It's soooooo good!!! WUFEI: My magic marker says "It last sooooooooo long!" MAGIC VOICE: Okay, who's been reading "Uncute at All Costs" again? >We have a Japanese foreign exchange student in our school who is really nice and >cool and stuff and she had some pocky and let me try some and it was really good >and this is a run-on sentence, HEERO: And my head is going to explode - *Wufei's head explodes, flinging chibi-Natakus everywhere. It soon reassembles, thanks to the power of plot contrivances* The hell was _that_?!? WUFEI: Don't ask me; I just riff here. *Sees the chibi-Natakus* Ooh! Nataku! And another one, and another one, and another... *Goes off into dream state* >isn't it? Anyway, I learned that I do *not* want to go to school in Japan, cuz they >hafta go for like 12 hours a day, 6 days a week. DUO: And what's wrong with that? QUATRE: It's _school_, Duo. DUO: Good point, little buddy. QUATRE: (Icily) I am not Gilligan. Do not call me that. >I would be so dead in two days. Well, ja ne!!!* HEERO: Is that it? DUO: I think so... QUATRE: Look at Wufei... *Snicker* DUO: *Evil grin* (Reverse non-door sequence) (Scene: again, the same room. Wufei's tied up to the couch, and his precious katana is hanging on the wall. Duo and Heero are outside, prepping the Shenlong for something.) WUFEI: *Snaps out of dream state* Is it over yet? *Tries to move* KISAMA!!! UNTIE ME NOW!!! INJUSTICE!!! DUO: (Over P.A.) Hey, Wuffie, look outside! *Wufei manages to jump to the window, and sees the Shenlong dressed in a HUGE pink bow and holding a gigantic bouquet of roses* Looks like she liked your gift! WUFEI: I'LL KILL YOU, MAXWELL! I'LL KILL YOU DEAD! MAXWEEEEEE - *He sees Heero vanish in darkness, and then he himself vanishes in a flash of dark. Duo vanishes shortly thereafter* TROWA AND QUATRE: *Enter* TROWA: Where did he go? *Quatre vanishes, much like the others* Uh, what just happened here? *Trowa vanishes. The TV flickers back to life, and Wiseman's on it* WISEMAN: So, enjoy the fic? *Sees the room is empty* Where the hell did they go? How the hell did they get out of there without me knowing? Oh, well... time to go harass NERV with the "What the F*UCK Is Going On" fic I found on fanfiction.net. This should be fun... (Scene: SoS armory. Heero is on the ground, rubbing his back, and Duo's standing up, stretching.) HEERO: Oh, no, not again... DUO: Where the hell are we? WUFEI: *Blinks in* - EEEEEELLLLLLLLL!!!!!! *THUD!!!* *Wufei lands hard on the deck* KISAMA!!! UNTIE ME NOW!!! DUO: Uh... I don't think so... WUFEI: INJUS - *He's cut off as both Quatre and Trowa land on top of him* TROWA: Ouch. QUATRE: Oh, great! Where'd we get taken to _now_? SETSUNA: *Enters* You're on the Satellite of Senshi, and you're here because - *She's cut off because of Heero's screaming and sobbing* Oh, damn. *Hits the button on the wall* (FWOOSH) \ | / \ | / \ | / \|/ ----0---- /|\ / | \ / | \ / | \ *********************************************************************************** AUTHOR'S NOTES Well, there's the last special episode of the season. Another one down to my mediocre pen. Kudos to Lady Kat-hime-sama for letting me riff this, Trowa for letting me write him OOC, and Wufei for the bit about tying him up and putting a pink bow on Nataku. (WUFEI: Damn right!) *Sweatdrop* Again, my apologies. I finally found it! The FF3E/FF6J ROM! I've got the cart, but it's so _SLOW_ on SNES... and on Windows, I can mess with frameskip! Besides, we've all got a life outside of our writing... well, at least _you_ do... The season finale's up! Go read it! This will be posted to both the special episodes archive and the second season archive on FF.net, as it's a direct tie-in with the finale... and expect massive stupidity to ensue, as it's a Shinji Ikari lemon and a Stephen Ratliff fic with... *Gasp* Marrissa Picard! AAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE!!!! *Head explodes, flinging cherry Danishes everywhere. It reassembles* And about the head-exploding thing... I've seen tons of MSTers do it, and it happens on MST3K: The Movie, so I figured why not? and made two heads explode just for fun. Oh, wait, three - I forgot Wufei. Anyway, I seem to be rambling on for no reason, but I'm in summer school right now, taking geometry for original credit so I can graduate next year, and, well, I'm kinda bored. I do most of my riffing during class anyway... even the lemons... but since I'm on a laptop and the powers that be in the district have declared that no faculty member may ever touch it under any circumstances, I'm safe from whatever they can throw at me! *Kodachi laugh* Remember, I'm still offering guest spots. Prince Neptune, you'll guest in the next season's premiere episode, and anyone else who wants in, just send me some character info and I'll get you a guest spot! (Cheesy voice) Free! No charge! I'm giving them away! And you know why? I'M CRAZY! *Starts whacking self in head with Hammerspace mallet* Ja ne, and get the "World Revolution" song from Chrono Trigger off of Napster or http://www.vgmusic.com for the season finale's soundtrack! Tuxedo Jack TuxedoJack@juno.com Mystery Sailor Moon Theater 3000 Season 1 - COMPLETE! Mystery Sailor Moon Theater 3000 Season 2 - COMPLETE - AND AHEAD OF SCHEDULE, TOO! Mystery Sailor Moon Theater 3000 Season 3 - IN PROGRESS! (I THINK)