"You should never, ever... NO! DON'T HIT THAT KEY!!!" - Myself giving tech support to the moronic administrators of my school after I hacked their security system *************************************************************************** Mystery Sailor Moon Theater 3000 Episode 117 A HENTAIFIED HUMOROUS HORMONIC HELLHOUND FROM HADES: "Humans, Digimon, and Hormones" by Shadow Guyver 007 *************************************************************************** ONE FOR THE MONEY, TWO FOR THE SHOW. THREE TO GET READY AND FOUR FOR THE DISCLAIMER: I own nothing here excepting Tuxedo Jack. The fic being riffed is the property of Shadow Guyver 007. Sailor Moon is the property of Toei/ Takeuchi Naoko-sama. MST3K is the property of Best Brains. Need I say more? I don't think so. God, it's been a while since I typed a fresh disclaimer and a new theme song... *************************************************************************** *WARNING**WARNING**WARNING**WARNING**WARNING** THIS FIC IS A LEMON. YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. IF YOU DON'T, GO READ "ARTEMIS' LOVER" UNTIL YOU ARE THOROUGHLY GROSSED OUT. ANYWAY, IT CONTAINS ABOUT 93% HENTAI, AND THAT'S ADULT CONTENT. YOU DON'T LIKE IT, YOU'RE UNDERAGE, YOU HAVE A WEAK STOMACH, OR YOU DISLIKE DIGIMON, DON'T READ. HELL, DON'T READ THIS ANYWAY, JUST LEAVE A NICE REVIEW AND GO READ THE "Pokemon: The Next Pikachu" SERIES OF LIMES/LEMONS. *************************************************************************** In the not-too-distant future, Somewhere out deep in space, The SoS and the Senshi it holds Continue their endless chase! Pursed by some villains called the Black Moon Who happen to like Debussy's "Claire De Lune" They wanted to steal the Ginzuishou, But they failed so they sent us fics That they scraped off of their shoes! (ALL SENSHI: Eeeeeeew!) (Hotaru) They're sending us crappy fanfics, (Rini) The worst there can possibly be, (la la la) (Setsuna) We're gonna have to sit and read them all, (Amy) We're gonna lose our sanity. (la la la) (Jack) Unfortunately, we can't control Where these fanfics begin or end, (la la la) We'll probably lose our sanity So on each other we must depend! SENSHI ROLL CALL! Setsuna! (Anyone got a beer?) Hotaru! (Hey, where'd my diamonds go?) Teenage Rini! (Yes, we have Nosferatu, we have Nosferatu today!) Amy! (Why're we stuck doing this?) If you're wondering how they eat and breathe, And other science facts, (la la la) Just repeat to yourself, "I'm not up there, Now I need to sit back and relax!" For Mystery Sailor Moon Theater 3000! *Twang* *************************************************************************** (Scene: SoS Holodeck. A beach sim is running, and Rini, Setsuna, and Amy are tanning. Where are Jack and Hotaru, you ask? Why, they're not back yet! Their honeymoon is going to last through this fic! But if you're nice, I might let you peek in...) SETSUNA: Where's Sephie-boy? I sent him to fetch the margaritas about ten minutes ago! RINI: (Is getting a massage from a holo-Magus) Mmm... I don't care... Magus, a little lower, please... MAGUS: *Sigh* Very well, my queen. *Rubs lower on Rini's back... and it turns out to be her bottom* RINI: *Sighs in pleasure* MAGUS: *Sarcastic snort* SEPHIROTH: *Returns with margaritas and a daquiri for Rini* Your drinks, milady. *Passes Setsuna her margaritas with a swirl of white hair. He straightens up and speaks rapidly.* I'm receiving a communication from the Black Moon UFO. It appears that you've a fic to read, madam. *Grin* You'll have to put off that rubdown with the oil until after the story. SETSUNA: Who says I'm going to wait? You can work while I'm reading. SEPHIROTH: *Smile* Very well, milady. I shall go and warm the oil posthaste. *Exits* SETSUNA: (To women) Isn't he a dream? *Other women groan* AMY: Perfect... short two riffers. RINI: Just great. A fic on our day off... *Exits holodeck, Amy and Setsuna in tow* (SoS bridge. The trio is lounging on the couches, drinks in hand.) RINI: So whatdya think they're sending us this time? SETSUNA: Dunno, Small Lady... but it can't be good. AMY: Hope it's a lemon. OTHERS: *Facefault. The red button flashes* RINI: Well, let's get the phone from the Jackson 5... SETSUNA: Haven't we called them that before? *Hits button* (Black Moon UFO) WISEMAN: Hello, my little sewer pipes! (SoS) AMY: We've been called card tables, lab rats, pains in the ass... but "sewer pipes" is a first. Why that? (Black Moon UFO) WISEMAN: Because you're full of crap. *Smirk* Anyway, got a new fic for you this week... unless you're willing to hand over the little girl's Crystal... (SoS) RINI: *Sigh* Like we told Beryl... "We'll give it to you. We'll shine it up reeeeeal nice... then we'll turn the sonuvabitch sideways and jam it straight up that candy ass of yours!" (Black Moon UFO) WISEMAN: *Facefault* Anyway... your fic today is a literary pile of crap entitled "Humans, Digimon, and Hormones", and as you can probably guess by the title, it's a lemon. Sapphire, send them the fic! SAPPHIRE: ... No. WISEMAN: What? SAPPHIRE: I said _no_.(Growing stronger by the second) They've suffered too much to have to deal with another fic, and a lemon, even worse! They don't deserve this! Get the Ginzuishou some other way - and it's not going to be with my help! WISEMAN: Fine by me! *Teleports Sapphire somewhere else* Anyone else want a piece of me? *The other Black Moon members shake their heads no* Good! Now, Rubeus, send them the fanfic! RUBEUS: (Shaky but willing) Yes, sir! *Presses the button* (SoS) SAPPHIRE: *Appears out of nowhere* Okay... I'm here... and where is here? *Sees Setsuna* Oh, poopy. SETSUNA: You sent him _HERE_?!? *Lights flash, klaxons blare* Dammit! Now we've got LEMON SIIIIIIGN!!! (Door sequence) Door 6: Standard-issue satellite dogbone door. Door 5: An "Under Construction" sign. You tear it down and don hard hats. Door 4: Wile E. Coyote. He gets blown up by his own dynamite. Door 3: A bottle of A&W root beer. You drink it down and enjoy the smooth flavor as opposed to Barq's famous bite. Door 2: Jun and Matt... and the scene before you is ecchi suru. You edge past, covering your eyes as you do so. (What? I like Junato!) Door 1: The video of "I Want It That Way". Sapphire goes berserk and magnetizes the whole tape, ruining the demonic image of the boy band. You cheer and move on. (SoS Theater. Seating order: Rini, Sapphire, Setsuna, Amy.) SAPPHIRE: Great. Just... great. AMY: So how bad is this fic? SAPPHIRE: Really bad. Think human/Digimon bad. RINI: Oh, dear God... *Turns green* SAPPHIRE: Just be grateful it wasn't the Alienboy52 fics that Emerald found on Seanbaby's site. I managed to delete those earlier. SETSUNA: *Vomits* SAPPHIRE: And then there was the unedited version of "Chibi-Usa's Seventh Birthday"... RINI: Stop there. AMY: Please don't say that "Artemis' Lover" was on there too. SAPPHIRE: Yep... and all the other Oscarfics, as well as a few Ratliff works and some Eyrie DJ Croft and... WOMEN: *Whip out barf bags* >Humans, Digimon and Hormones SAPPHIRE: Equals rampant destruction! >by AMY: Oscar. SAPPHIRE: Trust me, it gets that bad. >Shadow Guyver 007 SETSUNA: Guyver. Shadow Guyver. >E-Mail: Shadow_Guyver_007@yahoo.com RINI: Do you, uh... ALL OTHERS: YA-HOOOOO! RINI: Aww! You stole my riff! >AOL IM S/N: DragonAgent007 RINI: Who is... SAPPHIRE: *Cuts Rini off* Licensed to kill, we know, we know. RINI: Actually, I was thinking of writing s(BLEEP)itty lemons. SAPPHIRE: Close enough. >Disclaimer: >I claim SETSUNA: (Columbus) This land for Spain! >no ownership to any characters in this fic. Now, on with the sex!!!!!!!! AMY: *Hums the Indiana Jones theme* SETSUNA: Onwards, MSTing soldiers! MAGIC VOICE: FOURTH WALL BREACH! FOURTH WALL BREACH! FOURTH WA... *Amy flashes the speaker* GYAH! *THUD* AMY: *Evil grin* I think I killed it. >WARNING!!!!! SAPPHIRE: If you've been injured on the job, and you don't know where to turn, turn to Jim Adler, the Texas Hammer! SETSUNA: Blatant plug number one. >WARNING!!!!! RINI: (Starcraft Terran Adjudicator) Lemon launch detected. >WARNING!!!!! AMY: Repetition is imminent! >This fic contains Lemon content. SETSUNA: And it's mixed in a nice red wine vinaigrette. >That means that there are scenes in which the Digidestined AMY: Are doing the hustle! >and their Digimon are SAPPHIRE: Participating in Celebrity Deathmatch. >having sexual intercourse. If you find that offensive, ALL: WE FIND THIS OFFENSIVE. WISEMAN: (Over P.A.) Tough luck. You're still gonna read it. >then you shouldn't be reading this right now and I >claim no responsibility to any damages done to fragile young minds. RINI: Or wrists. SAPPHIRE: Disgusting! >Also, this one contains girl-girl sex RINI: And don't pretend you're not imagining it, Sapphire. SAPPHIRE: Unfortunately, I am. Are there any more barf bags? >involving Sora, Mimi, Lillymon, SETSUNA: Dasher, Dancer, Donner, and Blitzen. >Gatomon and Kari. So, as before, if you find this offensive, AMY: Flame this crazy bastard. >leave now or forever hold your piece (lol). RINI: *Pulls out a Hammerspace .54 caliber pistol* I'll hold this piece... but not forever. It's _really_ heavy. >BTW, SAPPHIRE: LoL. SETSUNA: ROTFLMAO. AMY: RTFM, YEUA. RINI: Wha... AMY: Read the f(BLEEP)ing manual, you end-user asshole. >I don't know who he was, RINI: But I woke up in a cum-covered bed and I had this incredible pain near my... SETSUNA: RINI! >but the last time I wrote a Lemon, RINI: I whacked off to it. SAPPHIRE: O_o >but some moron who said he >was President of the ISPCA, the Intenet Society for the Prevention >of Cruelty to Anime, e-mailed me and said AMY: Stop writing this s(BLEEP)it, ya crazy bastard! >he could have me thrown off of fanfiction.net and the web if >I continued to write Lemons involving Anime >character. I'm not listening, as you can tell. So, if you're SAPPHIRE: A complete jackass, read this fic. >a Lemon writer and have recieved an e-mail marked, >"You're In Trouble Now!" or anything else from PREZ@ISPCA.org, >drop me a line. We'll fight those bastards >tooth and nail and win our freedom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SETSUNA: Free at last, free at last, thank God almighty, free at last! >As Sora, Mimi, Kari, Palmon and Gatomon were wandering around >Puppetmon's forest looking for RINI: A matching set of diamond-studded vibrators. SETSUNA: Just what the hell has gotten into you, Rini? RINI: I'm horny. I haven't gotten any in ages... hell, none since Falcon Knight... and I want some! AMY: Use the frickin' Holodeck! What'dya think I do? RINI: That explains the stains on the Holodeck floor. >Biyomon and the other Digidestined, Mimi gracefully stepped in >fron of Sora, who couldn't help but stare at the ass between >the sweat-soaked pink dress her best friend always wore. AMY: God knows that Mimi's donkey would be visible in that cheap pink fringe dress. >"Damn, she's beautiful!" thought Sora as her eyes continued to stare >at the vody before her. SAPPHIRE: I vant to drink your blood. >"I love Tai, that's for sure, RINI: (Valley girl) Fer sure! Like, radical! >but I've wanted to screw her SETSUNA: (Cartman) Screw you, hippie! >ever since we met, just before this crazy adventure began. SAPPHIRE: (Humphrey Bogart) What a crazy, mixed-up Digiworld we live in. >But, she loves Matt and, even if she is bisexual, she'd never want a scrwany >little kid like me." >As Sora is letting these thoughts run through her mind, Mimi is casting a glance AMY: Spell "A Glance" takes 20 MP and is of type Black magic. Added bonus: can petrify target. >at Gatomon, who was walking ahead of her and to the right. >"Oh, just thinking about Gatomon makes me RINI: Completely insane! SAPPHIRE: (Manic) They're coming to take me away, hey, hey, they're coming to take me away! >hornier than hell! Ever since I saw her in Myorismon's castle, I've >wanted to SETSUNA: Kill her with my thumb! AMY: How the heck can you do _that_? SETSUNA: Like this! *Taps Amy's neck with her thumb. Amy falls to the ground* RINI: Oh, my God! You killed Amy! SAPPHIRE: You bastard! SETSUNA: Relax... I only knocked her out. She'll wake up later. >get my face in between her legs and never bring it out! SAPPHIRE: And when she did, she died of asphyxiation. >But, RINI: (William Shatner) I've... been a bad... Digidestined _and_ I want... her to... _punish_ me. >she's a warrior Digimon. What would she want, or see, in a lanky kid like me?" >Gatomon is having thoughts of her own as they enter a clearing and take a rest. SETSUNA: (Gatomon) I've gotta get out of here... they're trying to kill me... >"Man, every time I think about Lillymon, my fur stands on end with SAPPHIRE: The damn electrical shocks that Tentomon dishes out. >excitement. She's so beautiful. I may love Angemon, but that doesn't mean ALL: JACK! JACK: (Over P.A.) You've reached the answering service of Tuxedo Jack. I'm currently *Click* having sex with my wife *Click*, so leave a message after the beep. *Click* SETSUNA: What... the hell... was that? RINI: (Macintosh computer voice) Leave your message after the click. *Click* >that I can't indulge myself from time to time." >Palmon is sitting on a log and staring at Kari. Like the others, she, too >has her thoughts. AMY: *Wakes up* Gruuu... You're gonna die, Setsuna. SETSUNA: Hey, you were the one who asked for a demo. >"Kari is so cute I can't help but think ow good she'd be in bed. SAPPHIRE: (Cockney) 'Ow bloody interestin'! Maybe I c'n get s'me time in wit' 'er later! >From what T.K. told me, she's a real demon in >the sack!" AMY: And the angel Megrael was sent to combat her. >Even sweet, innocent little Kari is having her hormone-driven thoughts. >"Sora is just so beautiful! Some day, I wanna look just like her. Perfect >figure, grace, intelligence, not to mention hers is the Crest of Love. Ever >since I first saw her when they came to find me, I've just wanted to SETSUNA: Kill you with my thumb! *The Crest of Hope explodes out of the wall of the theater and flies around a few times. It then disappears.* The f(BLEEP)ck? AMY: It appears we're trapped in a causality loop. I'll check it out on the sensors after the fic. And besides, you already used that riff. >shove my hand up her cunt and not bring it out. ALL: O_O SAPPHIRE: That's gotta be unsanitary... >Just because I'm in love with T.K. doesn't neccessarily mean >that RINI: (Kari) I can't use my ten-inch penis on someone else! SAPPHIRE: Rini, do you need an anaphrodisiac? RINI: No, I need to get some! SETSUNA: Oh, here, you big baby. (whispering) Dead Scream. *The theater doors explode, and Rini runs out to the Holodeck* (normal) Shall we take a break as well? AMY: Why not? *Exit all* (Reverse door sequence) (Scene: SoS Poke-Stadium Arena. Thanks to Holotechnology, we've been able to duplicate Pokemon Stadium 2 with the data from Pokemon Crystal - the second of two unreleased cartridges. Setsuna stands at the green end, and Amy at the red. Both hold Pokeballs, and are ready for a battle.) AMY: Welcome to the SoS Pokemon Gym! So you want a battle with Amy, the Gym leader? SETSUNA: Yeah, I'm ready for whatever you can dish out! Go, MewTwo! *Mewtwo pops out of her Pokeball* AMY: Please. *Smirks* Go, Blastoise! *Instead of Blastoise, a small Star Trek-ish transporter effect appears, and they're transported to the bridge* The hell? What happened? (Black Moon UFO) WISEMAN: Sweeeet... EMERALD: So the years of study with the Aing-Tii monks paid off after all! WISEMAN: Now I can use the Force! RUBEUS: Then how about punishing them by forcing them to finish the fic? WISEMAN: (Soft) Rubeus, you are starting to get on my nerves. Perhaps you should join them? RUBEUS: Umm... no thanks... how about using the Force to hit the button? WISEMAN: Oh, all right. Just this once. *Telekinetically hits the button* (SoS) SETSUNA: Great... now he's telekinetic? SAPPHIRE: Worse! We've got FANFIC SIIIIGN!!! (Door sequence version 17.5) Door 6: Standard-issue satellite dogbone door. Door 5: The Sailor Starlights. Setsuna borrows one of their outfits for Rini. Door 4: A Digiport. It opens and you pass through. Door 3: A wall of ice. Sapphire summons a wall of flame and melts it. Door 2: The water from the melted door. You surf on by. Door 1: Tuxedo Jack. (Me, not the Jack from the SoS.) You slap him around. *Slap slap slap slap slap* HEY!!! *THWAP* OW!!!! *CRUNCH* QUIT IT!!! (SoS theater. Seating order: Amy, Sapphire, Setsuna.) >I only have to sleep with him." SAPPHIRE: Damn, did we come back at the sex? SETSUNA: Apparently so. >As these thoughts are going through the girls' heads, they suddenly realize AMY: That they're completely insane. >just how tired they are. They find SAPPHIRE: Some Trojans. SETSUNA: Sapphire no hentai! *THWAP* >some large leaves, bundle them up, and make a suitable pad AMY: Geez, must be that time of the month. SETSUNA: Amy! >on which to sleep for the night. Sora takes her >helmet and shoes off, SAPPHIRE: Take it all off! Take it all off! SETSUNA: SAPPHIRE! >and Mimi does the same with her hat and hiking boots. We see Kari untie >and remove her AMY: Oh, dear God... not Kari too. >shoes, and she slips the whistle from around her neck and SETSUNA: Uses the cord to brutally garrote Sora and Mimi in their sleep, thus ending the fic. >places it beside the makeshift mattress they have made. SAPPHIRE: (Mojo Jojo) In the forest that has trees that make the forest! >But, unbeknownst to them, AMY: Ness and his men speed towards Capone's hideout! SETSUNA: Red and Kitty had snuck up behind Eric and caught him making out with Donna in the bushes. SAPPHIRE: You used your super attacks to shred the theater. >they are sleeping right above the den of SAPPHIRE: Lions. >Seductimon, a good Digimon who never sleeps, SETSUNA: Must be the effects of all that coffee. >but is constantly granting the sexual wishes of all who happen to get >lost in her forest. AMY: Jack and Hotaru must have found her, then. >Ever since Puppetmon became one of the Dark Masters, he had been pestering >her to grant his wish and let him have Ladydevimon for a few nights. SAPPHIRE: In order to act out the "Thriller" video. SETSUNA: No Michael Jackson! *THWAP* >But, him being a evil Digimon, she woudn't do it. So he took over the forest, >reconfigured it AMY: (Puppetmon) >and forced her to go into exile in SETSUNA: Florida. SAPPHIRE: Fidel Castro _is_ Puppetmon. >the cave she now inhabited. >Reading the girls' minds, she smiled, closed er eyes and concentrated. SAPPHIRE: (Cockney) Bleedin' author... thinks 'e can write bad lemons n' ge' away w'it... >Up topside, Mimi's Digivice begins to glow, awakening all 5 of the travellers. AMY: (Mimi) Oh my God! We're near Chernobyl! >Palmon is shrouded by a white light, we go into the familiar sequence, and hear >a cry. SAPPHIRE: For Help. SETSUNA: No fanfic references! "Gundam Wing: Cry for Help" was good, though... >"Palmon........ Digivolve To.......... Togemon!" ALL: (Togepi) Toge... togepi! Togepi! >As the giant cactus Digimon stands in the clearing, we hear Mimi asking a >question to her newly-Digivolved friend. AMY: (Mimi) Did you know that if you took off those spines, you'd look a lot like a giant penis with hands and feet? SETSUNA: Eeewwww... SAPPHIRE: (Mimi) Hey, Togemon, wanna practice the ol' S&M? SETSUNA: DISGUSTING! >"Hey, why did you Digivolve? There isn't any danger." SETSUNA: And when they went to sleep, a pack of wolves leapt out from the woods and ripped them to shreds. The end. >"I don't know why." came the reply from the large plant standing before them. >"I just felt a surge of power, and SAPPHIRE: (Togemon) I had to pee. >I did it." AMY: (Manic) I did it, I tell you! I killed him, and I dumped his body off the train to Shanghai! OTHERS: *Stare at Amy* SETSUNA: Don't know, don't wanna know, don't anybody tell me. >As she says that last word, Mimi's Crest of Sincerity begins it's own light >show. SAPPHIRE: I would have preferred a strip show, but hey, this is still good. *THWAP* >"Togemon...... Digivolve To...... Lillymon!" SETSUNA: ToRGoMon... DIgIvoLvE tO... >"Well," said Sora, "now that you're down to human size, let's try to go back to SAPPHIRE: Hell! >sleep." Lillymon removes her helmet, boots AMY: Your Digimama wears combat boots! >and thorns and lays back down on the leaves. >Down below, Seductimon is smiling to herself. SAPPHIRE: (Seductimon) Hee hee hee... gotta stop reading Tuxedo Jack's MSTings... BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! MAGIC VOICE: Since that was a compliment, I'm gonna let that one go. But it was still a FOURTH WALL BREACH! >"Well, old girl," she says, "you're really gonna make these kids happy!" She >begins to concentrate again. ALL: (eerie) Use the Force, Seductimon... >Topside, we see Mimi, Sora, Kari and Lillymon and Gatomon start to sweat as AMY: Ken Starr cross-examines them in front of Congress on CNN. >the temperature rises to a searing 100 degrees farenheit. SETSUNA: (Julia Child) Then, turn the Digidestined over, in order to sear each side equally... and then, after twenty minutes, voila! >Sora can't take it SAPPHIRE: Yeah, she read one too many bad fanfics and went insane. *A horrific beating ensues, and Sapphire is bruised everywhere* >and, making sure the others can't see her, removes her AMY: Knife and stabs them all to a bloody demise. >socks SETSUNA: Now is that the cat, or the things that reek worse than the container of mystery veggies in the back of the fridge? SAPPHIRE: Let's hope it's the cat. AMY: I'll tell Jack to do his laundry when they get back. >and blouse, revealing that she isn't wearing a bra. AMY AND SETSUNA: (Sora and Mimi) Women's lib! FREE FEMINISTS! >She reaches down and slides her jeans off, revealing her >vagina SAPPHIRE: But what about her underwear? I wanted to see the cliche that all teenage lemon victims wear thongs with pink hearts on them! AMY: Nope, that's most preteen lemons like Chibi-Usa's Seventh Birthday and Love in the Forest. SAPPHIRE: Don't remind me about the latter. That one's just screwed up. >that, only 48 hours ago, had been penetrated for the first time by SETSUNA: A team of explorers searching for the lost Dr. Livingstone. >Tai. Her small, firm breasts stand to attention AMY: *Opens mouth* SETSUNA: No cheap army riffs here. AMY: *Closes mouth* >as she is met with a small gust of air. A little cooler, she slips SAPPHIRE: (Dilbert's Boss) When you walk through the storm... hold your head up high!... And you'll slip and fall flat on your ass in the mud. >back to sleep. Mimi decides that it's just too hot to worry about embarassment, >reaches down, removes her socks, and then slides her dress over her head. She >leans back against a log and fingers her pussy. SAPPHIRE: Damn, doesn't anyone here wear underwear? SETSUNA: Now if this were "Project A-ko"... MAGIC VOICE: FOURTH WALL BREACH! FOURTH WALL BREACH!!! Punishment - you've got to riff another short fic tonight before you go to bed! SAPPHIRE: All of us, or just Setsuna? SETSUNA: *Holds up Time Key threateningly* Make a guess. SAPPHIRE: *Gulps* >She remembered when she and Matt had been seperated from the others and >the thunderstorm hit. They got soaked, but SETSUNA: And heads, and feet, and other areas... AMY: Setsuna... NO HENTAI! >they made it to a cave about a hundred yards from where they had been >kissing when the clouds started emptying their buckets AMY: Hee hee hee... buckets of pee... SETSUNA: What the hell... AMY: Sorry. Blaine/Hachi Machi flashback. >upon the two kids. Inside, she had stripped down and was enjoying the thrill SAPPHIRE: Of drinking Diet Pepsi, the choice of a new generation. *Shakes head* The heck? What was that? MAGIC VOICE: A little bonus for me. *Ruffles cash over P.A.* >of being nude in front of a boy. Especially Matt. SETSUNA: And they. Did use. Incomplete sentences. Consisting of. Two words. To each. Run-on sentence. >That night, they had pleasured each others bodies for the first time. AMY: Wow, they did the hustle! SETSUNA: ... I don't think that's what the author meant, but okay... AMY: I meant sex by "hustle". Geez, Setsuna... you're losing your edge. >She smiled and went back to sleep. Next to her, Lillymon was burning up. >The fairy Digimon removed her dress and, feeling a blessed coolness SAPPHIRE: Yeah, Beruche used Ice 2 and Arc Impulse. >come over her, she fell back into the dreamworld. AMY: And saw a little boy running by in his pajamas, throwing candy at monsters. >Off to her right, Gatomon had removed her claw gloves and was admiring her >dainty paws. She slipped one of them into her cunt, rolled it around for a bit, >then removed it and went back to sleep. SETSUNA: Getting a trend here? They wake up, masturbate, and go back to sleep... AMY: A routine Rini does every morning. >Kari had been watching as the others removed their clothes ALL: '''o_O SAPPHIRE: Oh, dear God... not poor Kari... >and, because it was hot and she didn't want to be left out, AMY: *Snort* What are the odds that the author's gonna leave her out of this? >removed her blouse, pants and socks. Feeling relieved, she went back to sleep. SAPPHIRE: (Kari) Ah... that crap was a long time coming. *CRUNCH WA-TAK* SETSUNA: *Eyes blaze* Scat lemons... NO!!! >Mimi was dreaming about being home with her family. She awoke with a start SETSUNA: Menu, Programs, Applications, Macromedia Flash _OF INSIGHT THAT THIS LEMON SUCKS_ 4, Flash 4. MAGIC VOICE: Hey! Stop hacking my PC! >as she felt a hand massaging her SAPPHIRE: Back! AMY: Feet. >breasts. >"Shhh." said Sora. "Let me have a little fun." SETSUNA: (Sora) I wanna play miniature golf! >"O.K." Mimi said. "I never thought you'd want to have sex with me." she >said, blushing a little. >"Why not?" Sora said, causing Mimi to moan with pleasure as her free hand >slips into Mimi's dripping vagina. ALL: ... AMY: So whose hand goes into whose vagina? I can't tell... is it Mimi's hand, or Sora's? >"You're beautiful, Mimi, SAPPHIRE: (Frank Sinatra) Beautiful, baby. Incredible. >and I've wanted this ever since we first met." SETSUNA: (Sora) This, and the ten bucks you still owe me. >"Oh. Well, to tell the truth, SAPPHIRE: (Mimi) I'm an impersonator named Tsubasa Kurenai and that's not a vagina, it's a plastic bag with apple pie filling. >I'm kind of attracted to Gatomon." replied Mimi. >"Kind of?" Sora said, giggling a little. AMY: Oh, come on! This is turning into "Disclosure"! SETSUNA: Yeah, who giggles during sex? MAGIC VOICE: Ask and ye shall receive. Here's Rini in the Holodeck... live. *Pipes in the sounds from the Holodeck... and Rini's clearly giggling, and the man is moaning out "Rini"* ALL: ... ... ... >"Oh, alright! I want to screw her brains out! SAPPHIRE: Phillips or flathead? >Ya happy?" Mimi said, not angry in the slightest. >"Yeah," Sora said, "and you will be, too, in a minute." >Sora, as usual, was right. Mimi started to feel her climax coming on. Sora, >sensing this, pulled her hands away from Mimi. AMY: (Sora) Ewww! Mimi! You farted! >"Hey, what did you do that for?" Mimi said, a little depressed. SETSUNA: I haven't had my daily orgasm and I'm horny, dammit! AMY: I never knew... SETSUNA: Ack! That's Rini I'm talking about! >"It was just beginning to feel good!" >"Yeah, and it's gonna get better." Sora replied with a seductive tone to >her voice. She rolled Mimi onto SAPPHIRE: A large bed of spikes and killed her by impaling. >her back and began to lick her cunt, slowly at first, then speeding up, SETSUNA: Because a policeman was trailing them and was about to write them a citation for public indecency. >causing her friend to moan again. Mimi liked this, but she had had enough, AMY: (Mimi) That's IT, Sora! TIME TO DIE!!! AH, HA HA HA HA HA!!! *Makes chainsaw noises. The others edge away* What? >so she pulled Sora off of her, and began giving her friend the same treatment >that she had just recieved. AMY: (Sora) Payback's a bitch, Mimi! *Imitates a chainsaw again. The others check their weapons* _What_? >"Mimi, you're a natural at this!" Sora said, gasping for breath. She was >really enjoying herself. >"Thanks, Sora. I've never had sex with a girl before." SAPPHIRE: (Mimi) But there was that hermaphrodite, Oscar... *KA-BLAMMO!!!!!!* *Coughs smoke* Ouch. SETSUNA: *Holds Time Key at the ready* Don't _ever_ make an Oscar sex riff here, GOT IT?!? >"Ah, yes, yes, yes, YYYEEEESSSS!!!" SETSUNA: Was that Sapphire or the fic? I couldn't tell... SAPPHIRE: It was the fic. SETSUNA: Oh, okay. *CRUNCH* >Sora screamed as she was engulfed in a wave of pleasure as Mimi started >to attack her delicate pussy. Both of them wanting something more, AMY: The pair traveled to the nearest supermarket, where they bough some oysters and chocolate, as well as a nice bottle of 1928 red wine. >Mimi pulled away from Sora, crawled over to her, turned around, SETSUNA: And kicked her in the head. SAPPHIRE: (Mimi) Eeeewww! Brains on my foot! Disgusting! >and they took each other's femininity into their mouths. They moaned in pure >sexual bliss as they felt their orgasms coming on. Finally, after several >minutes of being in the 69 position, their orgasms exploded simultaniously SAPPHIRE: And covered the campsite with warm sticky bodily fluids. *ASPHYXSIATE* SETSUNA: You'd better not mean what I think you do. SAPPHIRE: (gasping) I meant blood... explosion... think about it... AMY: *Smirks* Good Shatner impression, Sapphire. SAPPHIRE: Shut up. >and they screamed so loudly, they woke up the other girls, who were puzzled >at first but, as they got the clouds of sleeps from their brains, they looked >at their friends enjoying each other and smiled. AMY: (Lillymon) Dude, get the video camera! We can uplink this to the 'net! >"Hey, Mimi? Do you get the feeling that we're being watched?" asked Sora as >her climax faded. Mimi was coming out of her sexual daze and SETSUNA: Began her job as an accountant for H&R Block. >thought about her friend's question. >"Y'know, I'm feeling the same way." >"That's... because.... SAPPHIRE: William Shatner _is_ Sora Takenouchi. >you are!" saud Lillymon SETSUNA: So now Lillymon's the queen of Saudi Arabia? Geez, you'd think that helping rule the Digiworld is enough... >in between breaths. She and Kari were on either side of Gatomon, >who was being eaten out by Kari while delving her talented tongue into >Lillymon. Gatomon increased her licking a notch or two and started rubbing >Lillymon's ass with AMY: Hopefully, some toilet paper... >her bare paws. Finally, all 3 of them had their orgasms SAPPHIRE: Over for dinner and a movie. >and collapsed in a sweaty heap. >"You know, Gatomon, that was great." said Kari, still a little out of breath. >"I'll agree with you, Kari, just as soon as the Digiworld stops spinning." >replied her Digimon. "You know, guys," SAPPHIRE: *Opens mouth* SETSUNA: *Hoists Time Staff* Make even one Oscar joke and you die. SAPPHIRE: You're no fun. >said Sora, who, along with Mimi, had walked over to sit by >their friends. " Just had a really great idea." >"What's that, Sora?" asked Mimi, who already knew what her lover had in mind. >"Since we're in the mood, and we're all bisexual, why don't we just make a >night of it?" said Sora. >"Uh, Sora? Are you thinking what I think you're thinking?" AMY: I love to love my lovely lover! >asked Kari with a hopeful tone of voice. SETSUNA: (Sora) Yeah! Let's all go cook lasagna! AMY: Hoping for an orgy, but okay... *THWACK* >"Yep!" Sora said brightly. "I'm suggesting an orgy." >"Well," Mimi said, "let's put it to a vote. "All in favor of an orgy, raise >your right hand." SAPPHIRE: (Bailiff) Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you Naoko? >Needless to say, everyone's right hand shot up. AMY: My God! GANG FIGHT!!! >"Well, then, it's unanimous!" she said. She got on all fours and pulled >Gatomon's sweet cunt into her mouth, fulfilling her desires. Sora got on >her back and, once again, shoved her tongue into Mimi's pussy. Kari crawled >over to them and buried her face into Sora's vagina, causing them both to moan. SETSUNA: In extreme pain. >Kari turnd to where sh was appraoching Sora from the side and let Lillymon >have access to her own cunt. >Lillymon accpeted the invitation without a single word and began indulging >her SAPPHIRE: Sweet tooth. AMY: *Snicker* SETSUNA: Don't even make one lesbian joke. >secret passion. Lillymon turnd in such a way that Gatomon had access to her >pussy and almost screamed as SETSUNA: Gatomon ripped a hole in Lillymon's groin with a bill hook. >the feline's tongue pushed it's way into her walls. >Soon, there was a circle of females, human and Digimon, all having their >same-sex fantasies fullfilled. Thay stayed in this position for 3 hours, >countless orgasms, and not a single thought towards the boys. AMY: In the meantime, the Untouchables raced towards Capone's hideout, Joel, Crow, and Tom riffed another movie, and the Black Moon sent us another crappy fic. >Finally, as their orgy ended, they heard a calm, soothing female voice. SAPPHIRE: (Kasumi) Oh, my! I'm going to have to clean that up... >"Are you sarisfied?" the disembodied voice said. AMY: (Lillymon) No, dammit! I ordered the Philly Cheesesteak and I got this damned hoagie instead! >"You bet!" they all shouted in unison. >"Then allow me to introduce myself. I am AMY: Bart Simpson. Who the hell are you? SETSUNA: The Blue Thunder of Furinkan High! SAPPHIRE: Dracula... dead and loving it. >Seductimon. I grant the sexual desires of all good Digimon, and the >occasional Digidestined, who come into my forest. I am the one who made SAPPHIRE: (Seductimon) Michael Jackson try to go white. >it possible for you to enjoy this. Tell me, once you are free of my influence, >will you do this again? Maybe with different partners?" >The girls untangled themselves and stood, still nude, in front of the gorgeous >female Digimon who had granted their wishes. Again, they gave their answer as one. SETSUNA: If you want this fic to end, give me a "HELL YEAH!" >"HELL YEAH!" they said, knowing that they couldn't stop themselves from doing >it after what took place on this night. SETSUNA: See? Even they agree with me! >"Good. Then I will not erase your memories. Very few want to do it again >when they find out that, SAPPHIRE: The janitors won't clean up secretions. >even though it was their wish, it was my power that >made them do it. I am pleased that I have found a group that isn't AMY: (Seductimon) Sane or straight. >ashamed of nudity or sexuality. I will go now. AMY: (Clinton) And I leave a legacy of sex, drugs, lies, and public nudity behind. >You should get back to sleep. Your frinds will be here in the >morning." and then she disappeared. After a little more sex, screaming >and orgasms, the girls fell asleep. SAPPHIRE: Sounds like Jack and Hotaru, from the sound feed that we get from his room. SETSUNA: ... Because I agree with you on that one, I'm not going to hit you this time. >When the morning came, the girls awoke and, SETSUNA: Found out that they were in a crappy lemon and bludgeoned the author to death. >naked as the day they were born, AMY: Unless they're the aliens from "Third Rock". >waiting for Biyomon and the boys to find them. Soon, they did. SAPPHIRE: Now, I puked. *Vomits* SETSUNA: Now, I sweatdrop. *Sweatdrop* AMY: Now, I make incessant badly done riffs about how the author used a very f(BLEEP)cked-up sentence. SETSUNA AND SAPPHIRE: Shut up. >When they arrived at the clearing, Biyomon looked like she was ready to AMY: Join the orgy. SAPPHIRE: Hell, that's better than watching this fic. >pass out. The boys looked like their dicks were going to burst out of their >pants. SAPPHIRE: *Sweatdrop* I pity you people. *Covers his "special place"* >Of course, knowing these girls, we should have figured that the boys wouldn't >have to worry about this. SETSUNA: Yep, they're gonna get shot and dragged out of the lemon. >Sora grabbed Tai, yanked his clothes off, and oulled him into her, screaming >like AMY: Setsuna after a masturbation session. SETSUNA: _WHAT_?!?!?!? *Ki flares* SAPPHIRE: (Protoss voice) Nuclear launch detected. SETSUNA: *Burns with ki* >a wild panther as the boy she loved humped in and out of her like there >was no tomorrow. SAPPHIRE: If Setsuna goes off in the theater, there's not going to be a tomorrow! AMY: At least, not for us... >Mimi had stripped Matt's clothes off and was giving him a AMY: Fist in the face. >blowjob, moaning around his cock. Joe stripped down and shoved his 9-incher >into her ass, causing her to moan even louder. SAPPHIRE: Especially when she found out that it was plastic and could vibrate. SETSUNA: NANI?!?!? *Ki flickers and flares* AMY: DUCK AND COVER!!! >T.K. found himself naked whil Kari was frenching him and rubbing his dick >with the inside of her left thigh. After a few minutes, she broke the kiss, AMY: (TK) Man, Kari! You know how much that's gonna cost to fix? That kiss cost me a fortune! >shoved him onto the ground, and impaled herself on his manhood. SAPPHIRE: And Vlad Tepes hissed, for he knew that he'd get to drink of Kari that night. SETSUNA: *Ki crescendoes* That's f(BLEEP)cking __IT__!!!!! Pluto Psionic Barrage! *The psionic waves slam into the theater screen and obliterate it... but the fic is projected onto the wall. She doesn't pass out this time* AMY: Hmm... how odd... she must be building up a resistance. >Agumon then shoved his scaly dick into her cunt and Gomamon gripped her >waist and rammed his cock up her ass. ALL: *Blink blink* SETSUNA: This is worse than "Artemis' Lover"! SAPPHIRE: Just be grateful that Patamon isn't a hermaphrodite. >Gabumon had thrust his long cock into Gatomon's ass and was thrusting in >and out when Patamon slid under her AMY: (Umpire) Safe! >and shoved his erection into her pussy. As Tentomon was walking towards her, >Gatomon grabbed him and SAPPHIRE: Sent him up to a satellite. She then made him watch crappy fanfics until his head exploded. MAGIC VOICE: ... Not even gonna say anything here... >wrapped her mouth and tongue around his prick, succeeding in making him >lay down on his back and moan with pleasure. SETSUNA: So Pleasure's a guest-star in this thing? AMY: Nah, just a cheap cameo. >He pulled Lillymon, who was right next to him, over his face and began >eating her out. SAPPHIRE: (Tentomon) Oh, how about Vargo's? SETSUNA: (Lillymon) You never take me anywhere nice to eat! >Tai and Sora walked over to them and smiled mischeviously. AMY: (Tai as Beavis) Heh heh... heh heh... Dude, that's sex in front of us! SETSUNA: (Sora as Butthead) Dude... huh huh... wanna join in? >Sora laid down in front of Lillymon and was enjoying the attention she was >getting when Tai got above her and shoved his still-hard dick into her mouth >and humped it stroking his balls. SETSUNA: Uuuurrrrggghhhhh... grammar errors... head going critical mass... SAPPHIRE: Her head can't explode, can it? AMY: I'm not sure... but we should put a tarp down, just in case. >Izzy, now over the shock and totally naked, came up to Sora and, much to >her delight, SAPPHIRE: Beat the s(BLEEP)it out of the author for writing them into this. >rammed his dick into her ass as hard as he could. AMY: (WWF Announcer) Oh! That's gonna hurt in the morning. SAPPHIRE: The salesmen from Preparation H must have had a field day there. SETSUNA: No... more... cheap riffs... *Head starts to flash* >Matt, T.K., Kari and Mimi were getting some ideas, too, AMY: Yeah, like how to get out of this lemon. SAPPHIRE: Unfortunately, it requires a dimensional phase-shifter, which they didn't have the money for. >and walked over to the long chain of unrestrained SAPPHIRE: Canines. AMY: Hell, they're going all-out, so they _are_ each other's bitches... SETSUNA: YYYYEEEAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!! *Head explodes, flinging chibi-Deeledits everywhere. It doesn't reassemble.* SAPPHIRE: ... Is this normal here? AMY: I'm not sure myself... >sexuality. Mimi placed her cunt below Tai's mouth and he shot his AMY: .45 caliber magnum into her, killing her and splattering her internal organs everywhere. Nav Takaishi then smiled and began to slay the rest of the Digidestined one by one. >tongue up into her, causing her to moan with pleasure. SAPPHIRE: There's that Pleasure character again, and he's joining in? AMY: Damn... this writer must be paying a lot of money for his guests. >T.K. placed his dick under Mimi's mouth. Not wanting to refuse him the thing >which he sought so desperately, she SETSUNA: *Head reassembles* Bought him a Playstation 2 for his birthday. >took it into her without saying a word. Kari soon wanted a little action and SAPPHIRE: Joined Al Capone's Mafia Social and Athletic Club. MAGIC VOICE: Hey! Stay out of my old MAD Magazine collection, dammit! >sat on T.K.'s face. AMY: (TK) Ewwww! Kari, you farted! >He began eating her like a pro. She was enjoying herself so much that she almost >didin't notice Matt's erection pointing up at her. SETSUNA: (Matt as Ash Ketchum) Kari, I choose you! SAPPHIRE: (Matt as Ash) Kari, use your BLOWJOB attack! AMY: (Pokemon announcer) Kari used BLOWJOB! Enemy PENIS orgasmed! >She took half of it into her mouth. AMY: And the other half went into her hot dog. >It was 7 inches, SAPPHIRE: And she laughed at how puny it was compared to other hentai cocks. >but she was just a little girl and couldn't take it all. She sucked on it >and stroked the rest with her right hand. Agumon ran up and SETSUNA: Slid into home plate. AMY: You do know that... SETSUNA: (Amy) That can be taken two ways, (normal) I know, I know. >shoved his dick up Kari's ass, increasing her pleasure. >Biyomon had had enough of watching and SAPPHIRE: Shot them all to death. SETSUNA: Nav! (Jimbo) Mah God, he's coming right for us! *BLAM* SAPPHIRE: *Coughs smoke* Ouch. >flew right on top of Matt's face. He licked and sucked at her for >several minutes, causing several moans of excitement to erupt from her. AMY: (News announcer) This just in... the volcano Biyomon has erupted, and it's ripping apart the Digiworld! >Just when she thought it couldn't get any SETSUNA: Worse, the fic continued. >better, SETSUNA: The fic ended. >Joe walked over to them and, SETSUNA: Began the sex scene again. AMY: Damn. SAPPHIRE: Don't even think about it. >before he knew it, he was getting a blowjob from Biyomon. Gomamon >walked up to this trio and began humping Biyomon doggy-style. SAPPHIRE: Snoop-doggy-dogg style. >Meanwhile, at the back of the chain, Gabumon shot his load deep into >Gatomon. Patamon and Tentomon couldn't hold it in either and ejaculated >into her. She had her own orgasm and sucked them dry. AMY: They then had to send Patamon and Tentomon to the hospital for rehydration. >Tentomon's orgasm had brought Lillymon over the edge of sexual bliss. In >turn, hers caused Sora to explode in orgasm. This caused Izzy to be forced >over the edge and he shot several rounds of hot cum into her, making her >squeal with delught. SAPPHIRE: *Snores* AMY: (Arab to Israeli) Our peoples have been at war since the Delught... >Tai followed suit and this increased Mimi's pleasure to the point of no >return. She had the most violent orgasm of her life, causing T.K. to shoot >his load down her throat. For such a little kid, he sure could hold a lot. AMY: Yeah, he could hold ninety-nine of each item as well as God-knows-how- many accessories, armor, and weapons! SETSUNA: (Is sprawled across three chairs) *Snores like a freight train* SAPPHIRE: *Snores and drools onto the armrest* >She had to swallow at a rapid rate to keep up with his seemingly endless >stream. T.K., in his moments of pure bliss, had caused Kari to explode in >pleasure. This, in turn, caused Matt to shoot his load of cum into her mouth. >Biyomon moaned as Matt's orgasm caused her to shove Joe's dick all the way >into her mouth, shocking the hell out of them both and causing Joe to release >his seed deep within her. AMY: My God, the sex is so bad it made them go to sleep! *Slaps the pair around* Wake the f(BLEEP)ck up! I'm not gonna take this on my own, dammit! >After this series of orgasms had ended, they all collapsed into a heap. After a >while, they got up, put their clothes back on and were starting to leave when >Seductimon appeared and spoke to them >"Good luck, children. Your love and compassion will surely help you defeat the >Dark Masters. I have faith in those who have a healthy appetite for SETSUNA: Lasagna and a nice bottle of wine. >sex and are willing to share it with anyone at any time. You have >demonstrated both and, if you continue to be like this through adulthood >and teach your children to be the same way, then they will teach their children >and soon, your world will be full of people who are SAPPHIRE: Infected by countless STDs. SETSUNA: Sterile, blind idiots. >too busy having sex that they don'y have time to fight. That is what world peace >is all about." The, in a joking manner, said, "Besides, if everyone was naked, >then no one could carry a concealed weapon!" This caused everyone to erupt AMY: In another set of orgasms. SETSUNA: Don't tempt fate, Amy. >with laughter. "Seductimon," said Tai, not sure how he knew her name, SETSUNA: Cheesy plot contrivance and hole. >"is really it possible that we could save both worlds? Not just in defeating >the Dark Masters, but in convincing everyone not to restrain their natural >sexuality?" "Yes, Taichi Kamiya, it is. Until we meet again, children, farewell >and remember what I told you." she said as she disappeared. SAPPHIRE: And a large pe... SETSUNA: *Coughs and holds up Time Staff* SAPPHIRE: Pencil appeared in her place. SETSUNA: Better. SAPPHIRE: (Muttering) Kusotare. >3 hours later..... >The Digidestined and their Digimon are, once again, happily having sex. SETSUNA: And we, once again, are stuck watching a crappy lemon. AMY: You know, we could be happinly having sex. *THWACK WATAK SMACK CRACK KA-BLAMMO!* SETSUNA: *Vein throbs* Never... EVER... _EVER_... suggest that I'm a lesbian if I'm in the room... SAPPHIRE: *Dives under seat* >After their orgasms, they get up and go on their path. Little do they know, >Puppetmon is watching them and had an idea. >"Cherrymon, I have a job for you." he says. As he voices this command, a large >tree with a face and cane SAPPHIRE: Ah, the Makaiju! >appears behind him. In a bad imitaion of a mid-1920's gangster's voice, he >answers his master's call. >"What is your command, Lord Puppetmon?" he says. AMY: (Puppetmon) I want you to join the army! SAPPHIRE: I want you... in the worst way! >"I want you to find a way to get Matt seperated from the others and convince >him and Gabumon to force Tai and Agumon into AMY: Having hot yaoi sex with each other. SETSUNA: GYAAAAH! *Head begins to shake* Bad... mental image... must exorcise... >a battle. With any luck, our pawns will destoy SAPPHIRE: There's a good "Toy Story" joke here, but I can't think of it... >each other. Then, with the Megas out of the way, we can defeat the rest easily. >Then Master Apocolymon SETSUNA: Apo_colon_mon? >will be able to come out from behind the FireWall SETSUNA: Anyone brings up that "ReBoot" episode and that person dies. >and rule both worlds!" >"By your command." said the large tree, walking away and smiling evilly. >The End. AMY: (Singing) Of the world as we know it.. SAPPHIRE: Maybe I can get out of here... SETSUNA: Yeah, right... MAGIC VOICE: (Not to riffers but over P.A.) Okay, Lia, I'm calling in the plot contrivance, and someone's gonna leave the SoS this episode, and it's not gonna be an original... SAILOR JANUS: (Over P.A., but to Magic Voice) Okay, and I'm coming in when? MAGIC VOICE: How about when the G-boys get hit... *Notices P.A. is on* SHIT!!! *Clicks off P.A.* SETSUNA: That was odd... AMY: But the fic's over. Can we get out of here? SETSUNA: Why not? *Exit all* (Reverse door sequence) (SoS Bridge. The riffers enter, completely drained.) SETSUNA: My _GOD_, that was the sh(BLEEP)ttiest lemon yet. SAPPHIRE: Yeah... for once, I'm gonna agree with you. *Fades to nothingness* AMY: What... SETSUNA: The hell... BOTH: WAS THAT?!? RINI: *Rushes in* Hey, guys, guess what? I found something so cool... come on! *Grabs Setsuna and Amy's hands and drags them with her* (SoS Docking Bay. The ship Jack and Hotaru were using for their honeymoon has docked, and Magic Voice has robotic porters dumping the luggage on the deck.) JACK: That was rather fun! HOTARU: (Sultry) You want a replay? JACK: Maybe later. Right now, it's just good to be back home. HOTARU: But where is everybody? JACK: You don't think they're in the theater, do you? HOTARU: *Laughs* Yeah, right! They're probably in the Starcraft room that we found on the floor plans. JACK: And you know this _how_? HOTARU: Magic Voice and the ship's computer told me. JACK: *Sweatdrop and Takahashi fall* (Black Moon UFO) WISEMAN: Damnnation! Where the hell are they? SAPPHI - Oh, wait... he's not here... f(BLEEP)ck. RUBEUS: Losing villains one by one, eh, Wiseman? *Is instantly fried by a HUGE energy blast from Wiseman* WISEMAN: *Rubs temples* Don't even try me right now. Perhaps I'd best bring Sapphire back... *Teleports him back onto the UFO* SAPPHIRE: What a rush! DIAMOND: So what're we sending them next time? WISEMAN: Perhaps a nice little Oscarfic... DIAMOND: Didn't he quit writing ages ago? WISEMAN: Don't remind me. Would someone push the damned button already? EMERALD: Allow me, my liege. *Presses the button* (SoS Secret Room) SETSUNA: My God, what the hell is this stuff? RINI: You tell me. AMY: *Picks up a Ghost combat suit* Looks like stuff from Starcraft! JACK: *Enters with Hotaru* Hey, guys! HOTARU: How was the fic? SETSUNA: Don't ask. *Vein throbs* AMY: Lemon. Bad lemon. Bad Digimon lemon. JACK AND HOTARU: *Vomit* AMY: Setsuna, check this _out_! SETSUNA: Holy crap! A C-10 canister rifle! And is this personal cloaking? *Disappears. Jack yelps with pain after a few seconds, and then pinches Hotaru's butt.* HOTARU: What was that for?!? JACK: You just pinched me! HOTARU: Um... _no_... SETSUNA: *Reappears* Kickass! RINI: (Cartman) Sweeeeet. (FWOOSH) \ | / \ | / \|/ ---O--- /|\ / | \ / | \ *************************************************************************** AUTHOR'S NOTES: By all things holy, three MSTings in a month? Geez! I'm really pumping my editors, in case you couldn't tell. This, though, is really starting to damage my health, so I might take a break. I _am_ acing all my classes, though... Sorry I took so long with this one, but my laptop's power cable broke... and I had to wait two weeks to get a new one. It's the third power cable I've used this year! And then my grandma died, and I had to go to her funeral, and then there's the fact that there's no way in hell I'd ever MST a lemon anywhere _near_ school... If you're wondering why magic Voice's cursing isn't bleeped while the riffers' swearing is, it's just that Magic Voice is outside the Satellite, and therefore outside the filter. Don't worry - that's the only time he's cursed throughout the entir series, to my knowledge. A while back, when Lemon Wing was a separate fic, The Fablespinner (or someone - I tend to forget the names of flamers) said that I should take some college-level English. Well, dear, I'm flattered, _but_ as I'm only a junior in high school, that seems a bit premature. I suggest, instead, that we sit down with a nice cappuchino and read some other fanfics. Thirdly, there is only _one_ more lemon this season... but it's a sick one involving Keiichi, Bell-sama, Urd-sama, and Peorth-sama. You can guess who it's written by... no, not Oscar, but Shinji the 10 o' Clock Assassin! Yep, and it's half of the season finale! The other half is a Marrissa Picard story by the infamous Stephen Ratliff. The contest is over! Sailor Janus, one of my more ardent fans, has found the typo in my last episode, and she wins the prize of being a guest riffer in either my nineteenth episode, which the G-boys will be riffing, or the season finale, and that's her choice. She's in... and the Black Moon's gonna have a little indigestion. In case you were wondering where my typo was, I'm pasting the section in here: "(Jack) Now keep in mind we can't control Where the fanfics begin or end, (la la la) It's quite a test of sanity, So on other we must depend!" In case you couldn't tell, the typo is my omission of the word "each" in between "on" and "other". I turned 17 on April 21... so please leave a birthday review! NEXT EPISODE: Remember Blaine's Crono Trigger fic? Well, I downloaded the ROM and beat the game (I hadn't played it when I riffed the first part...), so I figured that I'm going to get two more parts of the seven under my belt. Parts two and three are the target of my next episode... and there might just be a reader review segment! HOST SEGMENTS: The Black Moon begins to count the casualties... Rini's horniness has abated for now, but what happens when the Holdeck goes on the fritz... a preview for the next changing of the guard, villain-wise... due to popular demand, some people return to the cast of the SoS! Who are they? Why am I writing this crap? What the hell does AYBABTU mean? find out in the next episode of Mystery Sailor Moon Theater 3000! Ja ne, and (singing) my name is Gato, I have metal joints, beat me up and earn fifteen Silver Points... *slaps self* Tuxedo Jack C&C to Tuxedojack@juno.com I'm switching ISPs soon, so be ready...