"My nipples explode with delight." - Mystery Lemon Theater 3000 ********************************************************************** Mystery Sailor Moon Theater 3000 Episode 115 *SPECIAL EPISODE!* BANG, YOU'RE DEAD: "Quit Pining over Ifurita" by Shinji the 10 o' Clock Assassin ********************************************************************** EVERY CLAIM I MAKE... EVERY BREATH I TAKE... EVERY SMILE I FAKE, EVERY RIFF I MAKE, I NEED A DISCLAIMER: All characters belong to whoever the heck created them. Tuxedo Jack belongs to me. MST3K belongs to Best Brains. Tuxedo Alex owns the TOTS. I, however, own the TTPOTS, and if it seems like a blatant copy, I apologize. "Quit Pining over Ifurita" belongs to the great Shinji Ikari the 10 o' Clock Assassin. I make no claim on this fic, and I sure as hell wouldn't want to. I like the nightlife, I like to boogie, and all that other good stuff. Special note: I've compiled every single work that I've posted on FF.net into one big encyclopedia. If you want it (it's 594KB), e-mail me and I'll ship it back. ***LEMON WARNING*** THIS FIC IS A LEMON. I'M PRETTY SURE THAT WE ALL KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. IF YOU DON'T, IT MEANS THAT THERE ARE "ADULT SITUATIONS" - A.K.A. HENTAI, WHICH IS JAPANESE FOR "PORNO" - IN THIS. IF YOU ARE OFFENDED BY SUCH, ARE UNDER 18 (21 IN SOME AREAS), HAVE A WEAK STOMACH, OR DON'T LIKE EL-HAZARD, GO NO FURTHER. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. OH, YES... THIS IS BY SHINJI THE 10 O' CLOCK ASSASSIN. IF YOU DO NOT LIKE HIS WORK (AND I ADMIRE HIS WRITING STYLE, AS WELL AS SOME OF HIS STORIES), GO NO FURTHER, AND DO NOT READ EPISODE 120, AS THAT'S ONE OF HIS STORIES AS WELL. Good God, I'm getting reviews by the dozen... and a few nasty ones, to boot... ********************************************************************** In the not-too-distant future, Somewhere way-out deep in space, The SoS and its occupants Are caught in an endless chase! They thought that they'd beaten Queen Beryl Who had come back to try to rule the world But after a long-lasting colossal fight, A teleporter sent them all Back to the Satellite! (Riffers: FUSHIGIDANE!!!!!) (All riffers but Jack) So we're still riffing bad fanfics, The worst there can possibly be, (la la la) We've got to sit and read them all And try to keep our sanity! (la la la) (Jack) Now keep in mind, we can't control Where the fanfics begin or end, (la la la) It's quite a test of sanity So on each other we must depend! SENSHI ROLL CALL! Setsuna! (Sometimes I wonder...) Hotaru! (Why we're stuck doing this stuff...) Teenage Rini! (And then it hits me.) Amy! (TO ALL OTHER SENSHI: Because you're saying a crappy haiku!) If you're wondering how they eat and breathe And other science facts, (la la la) Just repeat to yourself, "Ask Washu later, Now I need to sit back and relax!" For Mystery Sailor Moon Theater 3000! *Twang* ************************************************************************ (SoS bridge. The Senshi and Jack are sitting there, talking amongst themselves.) HOTARU: *Notices camera* Hi, and welcome to the Satellite of Senshi in this celebratory fifteenth episode. For some reason, the Fourth Wall alarms have gone dead, and so have others... but more importantly, we're wondering what happened to Urd, Kuno, and Nephrite. JACK: Did we check the shuttlebay? SETSUNA: First place I looked. Nothing. AMY: The Holodeck? RINI: Nil. JACK: Then where the hell are they? HOTARU: Oh, my god... think back to last night... *All reminisce about the small party they'd had the night before, on Christmas Day. Urd had made eggnog... and it was unusually colored... But they'd all drank it, and their lives went on normally. Well, Jack and Hotaru _did_ have bed- shaking, bone-cracking, incredibly pleasurable sex, but...* JACK: The aphrodisiac powder... HOTARU AND JACK: NOT AGAIN!!! (Scene change: SoS library. Nephrite is sitting there, reading a book on the Tycoon Kingdom.) NEPHRITE: So _that's_ what happened to Lenna! Always wondered... (Scene change: Urd's bedroom. She's lying there in her bed...) URD: That was _good..._ *Shifts her weight, and a large, sheet-covered mass is revealed* SCM: (dazed) And I didn't have to do much work at all... *The sheet falls back, revealing Kuno... O_o'''* URD: Kuno, honey, that was fun. Shall we do it again? KUNO: Let's... *FADE OUT!!! FADE OUT NOW!!!!!* (Scene change: SoS bridge. Jack, Hotaru, Rini, Setsuna, and Nephrite are sitting there, the men talking about sports, the women sitting back and relaxing.) SETSUNA: Hee hee hee... you wouldn't believe what I was able to do last night. RINI: What, Puu? Build a nuclear missile? SETSUNA: Better. HOTARU: Blow a pickle out of your ear? SETSUNA: O_o Nope, guess again. Or better yet... *Flicks a finger at Nephrite, who flies up from his seat and stays suspended in midair* HOTARU AND RINI: WHOA!!! JACK: Eeeep!!! *Dives for cover* NEPHRITE: AIIIEEEEEE!!!!! SETSUNA: I'm telekinetic! And watch this! *Astral projects* Cool, ne? RINI: Awesome! *Touches red button and gets a premonition... aka spoilers for you people* The Black Moon's coming back, and they'll be sending us fanfics! HOTARU: AAAAAIIIIEEEEEEE!!!!!! *Flicks fingers, and everything else around her freezes* Cool! *Flicks them again, and they unfreeze. Nephrite clatters to the floor* Whoa! JACK: *Pokes head out* If I didn't know better, I'd say that you all got the powers of the Halliwells from "Charmed"! SETSUNA: Maybe... *Pulls Jack out and telekinetically makes him fly* JACK: WHEEEEEEE!!!! *SPLAT* Owwwwieee..... *CRUNCH* Urk... *faints* HOTARU: Crap. *Freezes everyone, only to notice that the lights were beginning to flash. She unfreezes everyone, Amy enters, and the klaxons blare, lights flash, and the all-around usual occurs* WE'VE GOT _LEMON SIIIIIGN!!!!!_ (Door sequence) Door 6: Standard-issue satellite dogbone door. Door 5: Makoto Mizuhara. The poor sucker runs like hell when he sees Hotaru, thinking that she's Alielle Relryle with a bad dye job. He slams into a wall and is knocked unconscious. Door 4: A giant Big Mac. Ex-President Clinton eats it and you move on. Door 3: Al Gore. The wall commits suicide to avoid being bored to death by his voice, and you use six pairs of earplugs to pass by him. Door 2: George "Dubya" Bush. The Texas twang of his voice shatters the wall and you pick your way through the wreckage. Door 1: A series of banners proclaiming "Happy Fifteenth Episode!!" and such tripe like that. You rip them down and enter the theater. (SoS Theater. Seating order from left to right: Setsuna, Amy, Hotaru, Jack, and Rini.) MAGIC VOICE: Welcome, one and all, to the crappiest show in space! SETSUNA: Shove it. *Telekinetically rips a seat from the floor and slams it into the speaker, breaking both of them.* JACK: Eeeep... SETSUNA: (Brooklyn) You wanna piece a me? JACK: Nope... HOTARU: Let's just sit down and riff the fic, hmm? >From: JACK: (Dramatic) HELL!!!! >"Shinji The 10 o'Clock Assassin" ALL: *Facefault* RINI: Oh, damn... Magic Voice was right. HOTARU: Don't remind me. AMY: Hey, how come I haven't gotten a line in this MSTing yet? *Fourth Wall Klaxons go off* ALL: S(BLEEP)IT!!! JACK: I THOUGHT THOSE WERE BUSTED!!! HOTARU: WE APOLOGIZE!!! *The alarms shut off* > AMY: Shinji the 10 o'Clock Assassin _is_ Pacman. SETSUNA: I was thinking more like "Ma Bell". >WARNING: The following fanfic is a lemon; HOTARU: (Shinji) Squeeze it and make lemonade. JACK: No Lemon Wing flashbacks! >containing sexual content RINI: This is a redundant statement of redundancy. >and harsh language. SETSUNA: Sounds vaguely like an Adam Sandler CD. RINI: Which one? SETSUNA: Any of them. >Viewer discretion is advised. AMY: (FOX TV announcer) Due to violent and sexual conduct, viewer indiscretion is advised. >All those JACK: Stuck riffing this fic are SOL. >participating herein are 18 years of age or older. SETSUNA: And have been convicted of at least three felonies. >The characters used >herein belong to their respective copyright holders. ALL: O_o JACK: I'm not going to ask. >************ HOTARU: Target shooting! *Whips out railgun and aims at the screen* SETSUNA: _NO._ >The year is 2520; HOTARU: Giant bugs rule the earth, the "Simpsons" have been genetically engineered, and Hanson has been pulverized by mobs bent on death and destruction. JACK: Ah... good future. >20 years after the "Second Impact," SETSUNA: WARNING!!! CROSSOVER IMMINENT!!! RINI: *Imitates Klaxon* >5 years after AMY: JFK was shot dead in Dallas... >it was found to be "orchestrated" HOTARU: In Carnegie Hall by Leonard Bernstein. >and it's orchestrators were dealt with >in a severe manner. JACK: They were forced to listen to Hanson and Michael Jackson for twelve straight hours. ALL OTHERS: -_-''' >One afternoon, at an Osakan military base... >Everyone: AAAAAWWW SHIT!! RINI: (People in base) Dr. F's sending us a movie again! >Everyone within the site of the large notice on the wall was SETSUNA: Crushed by its incredible size. >complaining about it. The Red Guard, the toughest and most violent >private militia service, are to head for the Congo the following week. ALL: (Nelson Muntz) Ha ha! >And said militia soldiers are not pleased about it. JACK: Hey, at least it ain't us. >Hawkeye: What is it with these guys anyway? That place is naturally >dead right about now due to all that fighting, in-fighting, and >out-fighting! HOTARU: (Hawkeye) Not to mention the Ebola, the nuclear warheads, and the economic crises! AMY: (Hawkeye) And don't forget the lack of cable TV! ALL: Yeah! >Ifurita: Perhaps maybe there's something that they need us to find >because the local army couldn't. SETSUNA: (Ifurita) Their butts, perhaps. HOTARU: (Hawkeye) Word is that they used both hands, other people, _and_ mirrors. >Gostface: Damn, man! I wanted to do this new album before I'd go >and do anything else! This is bullshit, man! Constipated >bullshit! JACK: Adam Sandler warning!!! (Buffoon) This s(BLEEP)it stinks up the whole f(BLEEP)ckin' house, man! >Shinji: Well at least the higher-ups aren't telling us to go there in >only our swimsuits. ALL WOMEN: O~O JACK: *Malicious grin* Just be grateful it isn't their birthday suits that they'll be wearing. ALL WOMEN: *Break out the barf bags* >Just then, SETSUNA: A shot rang out. HOTARU: The maid screamed. RINI: The door slammed. >Sergeant Tanya Natdhipytadd AMY: Can anyone actually pronounce that? >(who really looks and acts >like JACK: Puff Daddy! RINI: Duke Nukem! SETSUNA: Queen Beryl! HOTARU: O_o''' AMY: Pamela Anderson Lee! >Kiddy Phenil, HOTARU: Close enough. >but she's still a wild cheetah RINI: Tanya Natdhipytadd: the genetics experiment gone wrong. >at heart) walks in. JACK: And shoots everyone dead. >Gostface: Hey, Tanya! We need to speak to you! HOTARU: (Crow as Gostface) You're not my real father! >Shinji: It's about the Red Guard going into the Congo! >Tanya: And what about it? AMY: (Shinji) Well, it's the rainy season, "Survivor 3"'s filming there, there's no cable TV... and even worse, there's no McDonald's! >Ifurita: Look, we understand. We are the toughest private militia the >world's ever known. Through our efforts we've managed to >bring to its knees the power-hungry corporation once known >as Nergel. HOTARU: (Ifurita) And we managed to clean the toilets at a New York City public school, bus terminal, and subway station! AMY: (Tanya) Not bad, team! >Tanya: Yes? >Hawkeye: But isn't going to the Congo too much?! There's still all >types of diseases flying around back there! >Tanya: If you'd really had a complaint, you could've came to me >and said something yesterday. You had all the time in the >world. SETSUNA: (Vogon) What do you mean, you've never been there? It's only 23 light-years away. I can't be bothered with it; it's your problem. Apathetic bloody planet, no sympathy at all.: Eep! "An Eating Guide to the Silver Millenium" flashback! >But just then everybody starts turning pale. All that time>somebody could've said something was spent watching the "Great >Competition." HOTARU: Also known as "Survivor". >And the ground shook with a mighty thud from JACK: Rosie O'Donnell landing on the ground. >all the >facevaults made. RINI: All the facefaults made, and all the king's men, they couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again! >Shinji: Well, I guess we're going. >Gostface: Damn, fool! I can feel my life draining away, now! AMY: (Gostface) Must... get Zubat... to stop using... Leech Life... RINI: Poke-freak. AMY: Urusei. >Ifurita: I'm saddened. My warranty will be null and void by that >time. >Hawkeye: (Smacks her over the head.) WHAT'VE YOU GOT TO >COMPLAIN ABOUT??!! You're a machine, aren't ya?! >Ifurita: You'll be surprised, Hawkeye. You'll be surprised what I'm >able to suffer... SETSUNA: (Ifurita) I'm built to handle anything short of a nuclear bomb, but I can't handle sex... JACK: Nani? Hentai jokes from you? SETSUNA: That's my one for this fic. Shove it. >-=***=- HOTARU: Look, it's the Olympic awards platforms! JACK: No, it's a Sonique equalizer. >I little side-story of mine. AMY: Well, now Shinji's doing a bad impression of Shampoo. JACK: (Shinji as Shampoo) Airen! Mishtal date with me now, yes? >Hawkeye is from Marvel's "Avengers," JACK: Hey, where's Emma Peel? HOTARU: Wrong "Avengers", Jack. >Ghostface Killah is that MC from the "Wu-Tang Clan," SETSUNA: (O.D.B.) Puffy is good, but Wu-Tang is the best! >and Shinji Ikari >is... Well... HOTARU: President Clinton. JACK: Elaine Benes on crack. RINI: Avanent. SETSUNA: Hey, shut up! The EVA commercial was good! >My Shinji Ikari. HOTARU: Man, we were _way_ off! >Ifurita "outlasted the Energizer Bunny." ALL: O_o''' JACK: She just kept going, and going, and going... AMY: Just like the bunny after the Ex-Lax commercial. ALL: It just kept going, and going, and going... >So I'm pretty sure she outlasted Makoto as well. SETSUNA: Damn right! Machines have more endurance than a man! JACK: Then that explains the "Ultra Vibe 2000" that was in your bedroom. SETSUNA: HEY!!! *THWAP* > ************ ALL: (Singing) When you wish upon a star... >EL HAZARD RINI: The Dukes of El Hazard star in "Quit Pining Over Ifurita". >The Magnificent World AMY: The F(BLEEP)cked-up World. >"QUIT PINING OVER IFURITA!!" HOTARU: (Afura) And do me instead!!! JACK: Nani?!? HOTARU: Sorry. Snapped for a minute. > ************ JACK: That's really getting annoying... >Present day (sort-of) Rostalia. If you're looking for Makoto >Mizuhara, ALL: WE'RE NOT. >he can still be found in the library; reading through all the >literature there is about the past technology that was used in old El >Hazard, RINI: This is starting to sound like Final Fantasy. SETSUNA: Bio! *The Bio spell from FFV envelopes Rini* Ha ha! RINI: Grrr... >and dreaming about his only love that's named JACK: Tuxedo Mask. HOTARU: Nani?!?! JACK: What? You never heard the "My Only Love" SailorMoon dub song? Just another chop job by those DiCheads. MAGIC VOICE: I agree with you for once, so there's no punishment this time. >Ifurita. He's >gone through several already, finding a wealth of knowledge about AMY: How to prepare julienne fries without a Slice-O-Matic. >this >world and its inhabitants. But is he even remotely one step closer to >finding a w- SETSUNA: *Telekinetically pulls out another seat* (Dirty Harry) You gotta ask yourself one question, fic. Do you feel lucky? Well, fic, do you? >Nanami: (In Demonic Soun Tendou Death-head Mode) MAAA- > KOOO-TOOOOOOOOO!!!! ALL: *Scream in pain and cover their ears* >Makoto: WAAAAAAHH!!! Nanami! What the...?! HOTARU: (Nanami, singing) All I wanna do is have sex with you... >Nanami: (Now sitting on his lap, looking angrily at him.) And just > how much LONGER are you going to be in this library, > Makoto?! What does this weapon of mass destruction have > besides tits that I don't?! HUH??!! RINI: A brain, perhaps, and self-control... >Makoto: Well... Let's not get carried away, Nanami-chan. I'm just > trying to find a way home for us... JACK: (Makoto) Yes, I think we can go down Elm Street and turn left on to Oak Drive. >Nanami: Oh really, now... > And with that, Nanami's hands go at Makoto's pants crotch and >pulls out his member. HOTARU: Ah, a primitive castration! JACK: *Winces and covers groin* >She then parts her panties by the side and stuffs >his confused manhood into her. SETSUNA: Makoto is confused! AMY: Makoto used PenisStrike! SETSUNA: A critical hit! JACK: Poke-freaks. SETSUNA AND AMY: Shut up. >All the while Makoto's still in shock RINI: Due to the massive electrical shocks running through him. >of the things rapidly happening to him. >Nanami: Can Ifurita do this? (Humps on top of Makoto's manhood.) ALL: Yes. > Can she take your cock and put it into her? ALL: YES. > Where is she > gonna put it, Makoto? She's a machine after all! (Starts to > hump faster on him.) WELL??!! AREN'T YOU GONNA > SAY SOMETHING??!! ALL: _NO._ > IS THIS YOUR FIRST TIME, > MAKOTO??!! JACK: (Makoto) No comment. I take the Fifth! > The young man just sat there stunned for a while; trying to digest >the situation into his head. SETSUNA: Hey, it's a multipurpose stomach! AMY: It thinks and digests at the same time! >Why is his childhood friend slamming his >penis into her? His childhood friend... HOTARU: (Dark) Is about to _DIE_!!! >Nanami: MAA-KOO-TOOOOO!! >Makoto: Nanami-chan... I'm sorry... JACK: (Makoto) I forgot my Viagra this morning... > This causes Nanami to stop humping on him and stare at him with >eyes as beady as her brother's. Makoto then takes his arms and wrap >them around her, burying his head into her shoulders. RINI: Shinji forgot to mention that her head had been severed. HOTARU: So Makoto's into necrophilia? AMY: I pray not... I've seen that on http://www.thinhline.com before. RINI: ThinHLine? AMY: A hent... hey!!! >Makoto: I... I didn't realize... Hey... How long have I been here? JACK: (Nanami) Through the Silver Millenium and past King Arthur... oh, yes, and Misato got through AA successfully! >Nanami: ........ AMY: Hey, she's now a video game RPG main character! >Makoto: I've been studying hard to find a way back to her. But I'd > forgotten about you. I'd forgotten... Oh no! What about the > others! JACK: Uh-oh... ALL WOMEN: BRACE FOR IMPACT!!!!! >Nanami: (Her shock turns into a cold stare.) Others, Makoto? ALL: *Cringing* Wait for it... >Makoto: Shayla must've been worried about me. And Rune, and > Fujisa ALL: Wait for it... > *Smack!* RINI: Perfect shot! SETSUNA: (Akane) Makoto.... no... BAKA!!!!! *Pretends to knock Jack into space* JACK: AIEEEEE!!! *Is slammed into the theater roof. Collapses to the floor* Owww... SETSUNA: Whoops! Forgot I was telekinetic! >Makoto: OW! What's that for?! JACK: Yeah! >Nanami: _I'M_ on you're cock, Makoto. Not "Shayla," not "Rune," > and definitely not "Ifurita!" HOTARU: And Ifurita would probably crush it to boot. > Don't have me ride on your > cock and then start talking about "Others." GOT THAT?! AMY: (Nanami as Drill Sergeant) GOT THAT, PRIVATE!?! JACK: (Private) Sir, yes sir! >Makoto: ...okay... I'm sorry... RINI: (Britney Spears) Oops, I did it again... > And with that, Makoto scoots all the books aside and lays her on >top of the table. JACK: Great... lemon scene approaching. >He tries to find the energy needed to start up his sex >drive RINI: But he lacks the "batteries", so... >so he can do his childhood friend. Nanami's cute face... ALL: *Burst out laughing* >Nanami's lovely hair style... JACK: *Still laughing* Yeah, just like Elaine Benes on crack. >Nanami's pert breasts... SETSUNA: Is "pert" even a word? HOTARU: Yeah... thinnk "Pert Plus". AMY: So Nanami can wash her hair with her breasts? >Nanami's strong >thighs... JACK: Which can be deep-fried, breaded, or served at a Church's Chicken. >Nanami's warm, wettening pussy! AMY: My God! She dumped her cat in water? That bitch! >His manhood had no >trouble at all getting hard. HOTARU: Even after it had been severed. >Nanami grunts lightly at the sudden sensation >of a cock growing into her pussy. SETSUNA: Something's literally taking root, then. >And she starts feeling better as >Makoto starts to hump away at her with new determination. AMY: But no skill at all. > Meanwhile, from behind a small hole at the enterance, an eye takes >witness of the whole sex scene. A tear starts to form in said eye... JACK: And said eye begins to fall out of its socket. HOTARU: And said eye rots on the floor. RINI: And said eye dissolves into a mush. SETSUNA: And Setsuna begins to vomit. *Vomits* > Makoto's now sitting down on the chair as Nanami takes his cock RINI: Off of him and replaces it with a larger one. JACK: (Singing) "The Detachable Penis..." >by the mouth and sucks on him. AMY: Cleaning off all the dust and dirt that years of masturbation without a bath had accumulated. >Makoto's seem some great beauties >whilst in El Hazard; JACK: Not the least among them Afura Mann... *THWAP* OWW!!! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!? HOTARU: You're mine, thank you, and I'll thank you even more to keep your eyes off of other women! JACK: Then here! *Pulls out left eye and drops in Hotaru's lap. She screams, and he opens his left eyelid to reveal his real eye. He grins, and she hits him again.* >but nothing's more pleasing to the eyes as his best >friend performing fellatio on him. Nanami SETSUNA: Tendo. HOTARU: Kuno. RINI: Langley. AMY: Katsuragi. JACK: What the f(BLEEP)ck? >Jinnai. The girl who stuck JACK: Out like a sore thumb. >by him since childhood. He moans out her name as he empties his SETSUNA: Steaming-hot tumbler of acid into her mouth. >seed >into her mouth. HOTARU: Close enough. RINI: Thus proving that you do indeed use "Copy" and "Paste". JACK: Shush! The Fourth Wall has ears... >And he empties some more into her mouth as he feels >the suction upon his cock. She's swallowing his seed, his childhood >friend is swallowing his seed. AMY: (Makoto) Damn it, Nanami! Now what am I gonna plant in the spring??? JACK: *Snicker snicker* HOTARU: Shaddup. >Nanami: And that was for free, Makoto. You won't get this type of > service from anyone else! RINI: (Nanami) At least no one that I'm gonna tell you about... > But just then, they both hear a lady crying from behind the door. >And then the sound of footsteps running from the door. JACK: And M-80 rockets shattering the door. >Nanami shrugs >it off; but Makoto knows exactly who that cry belongs to, adding to >Nanami's chargin... HOTARU: Enemy Nanami used Blowjob! AMY: Enemy Nanami must recharge! JACK: *Grumble grumble* Damn Pokemon reference... *Grumble* >Makoto: SHAYLA! JACK: (Kirk) KAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!! >-=**=- SETSUNA: Anyone know what that thing is? >Shayla-Shayla AMY: So she's "Shayla^2"? HOTARU: No, 2Shayla. >flops onto her bed, crying her heart out RINI: But then how would she pump blood through her body? >into her >pillow. She hates being defeated; SETSUNA: Enemy SHAYLA^2 was defeated! JACK: (To self) Oh, all right. (Out loud) Got $2500. Sent some to MOM! HOTARU: What, Gold and Silver coming into this now? >whether the competition be >microwave-oven, bitchy lesbian, or snooty businesswoman. AMY: Or any combination of the three. >She >couldn't take the stress anymore... : So she slit her wrists and throat, which spewed red blood everywhere for several minutes before drying up. She turned a pale white and lifelessly fell upon the bed. The end. > But there was a knock on her door. AMY: A knock, knock, knocking upon her chamber door... SETSUNA: By her dead sister, known only as Lenore. >Shayla: GO AWAY!!! RINI: (Shayla) I'm armed and dangerous! >Makoto: Shayla... It's me... HOTARU: (Shayla, sweetly) Come on in, Makoto! *Imitates gun cocking* >Shayla: M... M... Makoto? AMY: (Sylvester the Cat) Yeth? >Makoto: Shayla... I just wanted... JACK: (Makoto) To _KILL_ you!!! HOTARU: Close enough. >Nanami: (Right behind him) You to be the next to get fucked, Shayla! JACK: (Makoto) Shut up, Nanami! You want her to actually realize why I'm here? >Makoto: (Smacks Nanami upside the head) THAT'S NOT WHAT > I'M HERE FOR!! (Back towards Shayla's door) Shayla, > please don't feel sad. I didn't mean to HOTARU: (Makoto) Kill Bambi's mother. RINI: (Makoto) Sink the Titanic. AMY: (Fake sobs) But Leo was on that ship... *Fake gush of tears a la the Shine Aqua Illusion* SETSUNA: (Makoto) Rip off my *DING* and give it to Nanami... JACK: I _TOLD_ you four not to mention that particular injury near me!!! > break your heart at > all... JACK: (Hick farmer) Mah Gawd! Someone get the Super Glue! > As he spoke, Shayla opened the door to show him a look of HOTARU: Homicidal rage. SETSUNA: Deathly illness. RINI: Humor at the size of his tiny *DING*. JACK: HEY!!! It's not that small! ALL WOMEN: *Laugh like crazy* JACK: But it's not... but I'm not... AAAAARRRRGGGGHHH!!!!! *Head explodes, showering Sting CDs everywhere. It soon reassembles.* >bitterness on her face. RINI: But where else could the look of bitterness be? *Sees Jack grinning* Forget it; I can guess. >Shayla: Gee, I don't know Makoto. You pretty much enjoyed having > your thing sucked by that bitch SETSUNA: So he's into bestiality? *Realizes what she just said* OH MY GOD!!! OSCAR JOKE!!! AAAAIIIIIEEEEEE!!!!! *Head explodes, flinging large amounts of disks with CD-ripping programs everywhere. Her head reassembles as well.* RINI: Wow! HOTARU: Setsuna-mama, you can pull that stunt too? SETSUNA: Yeah... *Holds head in hands* That's a killer... > over there. I even heard you > call out her name. JACK: (Makoto) Cause it was one helluva blowjob... >Makoto: Well... That's because she wanted me to forget Ifurita... RINI: (Makoto) If I forgot IFURITA, I could learn SURF... but I need to remember IFURITA to get through MT. SILVER! JACK: Quit the Pokemon Gold and Silver references! >Nanami: (Rubbing her cheek from the slap) And I guess he needed > more help. HOTARU: (Nanami) Yeah, his Viagra isn't working. >That's why he came to you. SETSUNA: (Nanami) Yeah, he needs a new prescription. >Shayla: Hey! It ain't like I'm gonna- >Nanami: Oh no! He came to _you_ for some more fucking. So let > him find out for himself who the better girl is. AMY: This is _NOT_ going to turn into "Ranma 0.5". This _cannot_ turn into "Ranma 0.5"!!! JACK: One would hope not. >I'll just be in >my room... MASTUBATING! SETSUNA: In the BATHTUB, no doubt. > And she walks off; leaving Makoto too flabbergasted to say >anymore and Shayla to silently go "bullshit." RINI: She s(BLEEP)ts like a bull? Damn! That's gotta leave a helluva stench! JACK: *Opens mouth* RINI: No Adam Sandler jokes. JACK: *Shuts mouth* >Makoto then turns to look >at her, hoping to atleast walk out of this alive. But instead HOTARU: He'll be castrated and fed to the crows. JACK: *Vomits* >he's greeted >with a sharp punch to the shoulders. >Shayla: Damn, Mako. You just dumped your girlfriend. ALL: *Make various dump truck sounds* SETSUNA: (Makoto) Yep, I took a dump. >Makoto: Ow! You didn't have to hit me.>Shayla: (Punches his shoulder again) And why not? You're gonna > be doing a lot of "hitting" on me. SETSUNA: Please, god, no S&M... please, god, no S&M... > Shayla then drags him by the collar into her bedroom and, with >near-superhuman strength, ALL: (Chanting in high voices) Her-cules! Her-cules! >flings him onto the bed. She then sits on his >crotch and removes his cock from out of his pants. JACK: I'm not going to ask how she does that without crushing it. After all, she _is_ sitting on his crotch. >Makoto: Hey, whoa! Wait a minute! RINI: (Makoto) I need to take my Viagra! HOTARU: (Makoto, whiny) I want my mommy!!! >Why don't we "get into the > mood first?" > Snorting out of the fact that he _would_ say something like that, >she takes his cock and HOTARU: Rips it off. >rubs it along her panty crotch. And in no time at >all it's HOTARU: Fallen off. >gotten hard. Makoto's moan is the sign that her idea for >"forplay" JACK: Is a pathetic failure and can't be used for anything at all. >works. So she pulls her panties aside and slides his cock into >her. RINI: (Cock) Whee, a waterslide! >Shayla starts slamming her butt onto Makoto's lap as her >moistening pussy slides up and down his cock. ALL: (Yakko, Wakko, and Dot) Boingy, boingy, boingy! >Shayla: Ooh shit, Makoto! Does your girlfriend do you like that? JACK: Yes, Hotaru does... *THWAP* OWWWWW!!!!! HOTARU: Don't bring our sex lives into the theater. > Do you like it when... OH!! ALL: My goddess! > Makoto decided to be on top of her. So she grabs her legs and SETSUNA: Rips them off. >rolls her over. AMY: He then butters her with honey butter and takes a big bite out of her fleshy midsection. HOTARU: Makoto Mizuhara _is_ Hannibal Lector. SETSUNA: And just _WHEN_ did _YOU_ see "Silence of the Lambs"?!?!? HOTARU: Haruka-mama showed it to me one night when you and Michiru-mama were out shopping for Christmas presents. SETSUNA: -_-' >With one hand he grabs her by her ankle so he can >penetrate her better. And with the other hand he helps remove her shirt >so he can feel at her breasts. He licks his tongue on one of her nipples, RINI: It's a NipplePop! JACK: The new sweet from "Hazard Candies". >and then he goes and kisses her deep in the mouth. > Meanwhile, Nanami's in the next room fingering her cunt as she >listens to the sex within the other room. RINI: (Mumbling to herself) Much like Puu on nights when Jack and Hotaru do it. SETSUNA: SMALL LADY!!! WHAT DID YOU _SAY_?!? RINI: Nothing... >She's on her third orgasm as of >late and is wondering why Makoto didn't blow his wad into her yet. >Then it hits her: JACK: It's because he's dirt-cheap. >He obviously likes "dark meat." SETSUNA: And thus they're at Church's Chicken, where the food's okay but they need delivery. JACK: Think they'd deliver here? SETSUNA: Not a chance in hell. >Makoto: Aaaauuuhhh... Shhhhayyylaaaaaa... HOTARU: (Makoto, whiny) Stop! You're hurting me! OWWWW!!! >Shayla: Aaaaa... Give it to meeeeee.... ALL: (Singing) Give it to me baby, ah huh, ah huh, give it to me baby, ah huh, ah huh... >And the extra wetness from Shalya's orgasm causes Makoto to RINI: Slip and fall flat on his ass. >go >over the edge and HOTARU: Act much like Wile E. Coyote when he falls off the cliff. >shoots his seed into her. ALL: *Make various gunshot noises* >He humps his cock into her >for the last time. And, with his cock still inside her pussy and going >automatic, he falls asleep between Shayla's breasts... JACK: Silicon Valley. SETSUNA: No, that's Pamela Anderson, not Shayla^2. >-=**=- JACK: It's (Tom Servo) the amazing Technicolor cheese wedge! >Mishtal: WHAT??!! RINI: (Mishtal, yelling) I can't hear you! >NO WAY, MASOMICHI!! I'M NOT GONNA LET YOU LEAVE ME!! >Fujisawa: (Picking up his backpack full of stuff) Miz, will you just > QUIT IT!! This is something a man has to do! JACK: (Fujisawa) And besides, I ran out of Trojans last night! *THWAP* >If I can't RINI: (Fujisawa) Get hard, I can't do you! HOTARU: (Mishtal) Go get the Viagra, then! >complete myself, then I'll be useless to you as a man! >Mishtal: Then why don't you just fuck me if you wanna be a man that > badly?! SETSUNA: (Fujisawa) I told you, I'm out of Viagra! >Fujisawa: 'Cause life ain't just all about sex! You look great and all, > but there's even a greater spirit calling me; begging me to > come to it. >Mishtal: And what am I suppose to do while you're gone?! I'm > STILL HORNY!! RINI: Go diddle yourself, then. SETSUNA: Small Lady, are you all right? RINI: I like making hentai jokes. So sue me. >Fujisawa: ^_^; Well, you can practice abstinence. ALL: *Burst out laughing* >I'm sure my student >Makoto needs someone to look up to in that area. JACK: Do we even need to say something here? >But Miz Mishtal turns boiling red at what Masomichi said to him. ALL: OSCAR!!!!! RUN!!!!!!! >-=*=- JACK: How about we ignore that line for the rest of this fic? ALL OTHERS: Fine by us. >Meanwhile, Makoto's now in the washroom/spa. His thoughts are >consumed HOTARU: By Hannibal Lector, who also had fava beans and a nice Chianti. >of the goings-on that happened to him since this morning. RINI: Let's see... he got blown, he f(BLEEP)cked two girls... SETSUNA: (Shocked) Rini! Language! >Nanami coming by the the library, mad at him because all he was >thinking about was AMY: Sex. SETSUNA: Star Trek. JACK: O_o >Ifurita. And in actuality, Nanami WAS his first. ALL: NANI?!?!? >Then there was Shayla. He didn't want to leave her out. HOTARU: No one had better make a threesome joke. JACK: Damn. >But it would've turned out for the worse. JACK: He just didn't have the stamina to last... >Nanami and Shayla would've >caused an argument that might've caused some property damage as well >as some damage upon himself. But it didn't happen... HOTARU: Because the little coward turned tail and fled after the sex. >Makoto would've contemplated about the fact that he should be RINI: Committing suicide. SETSUNA: F(BLEEP)cking another El-Hazard woman right about now. >studying his work instead of "fucking around" AMY: *Imitates klaxon* Warning! Lemon scene imminent! >if he hadn't felt another >presence within the spa waters. JACK: (Obi-Wan) Use the force, Makoto, use the Force! >He turns around to see... Miz Mishtal. >In her bare-naked glory. Right in front of his eyes. JACK: *Eyes bug out* HOTARU: What? WHAT?!? JACK: I used to fantasize about her... *THWAP THWAP* HOTARU: Jack, have you snapped? You're regressing! JACK: Sorry. The fic's getting to me. >Makoto: WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING HERE??!! SETSUNA: (Mishtal) This isn't the locker room? RINI: (Mishtal) I needed a bath! HOTARU: (Mishtal) I wanted a f(BLEEP)ck! *Speaker repairs* MAGIC VOICE: Watch the language! >THIS IS THE MEN'S WASHROOM!! ALL: (Yelling) INTENSE... YELLING... ACTION!!! >Mishtal: Which is why I'm here! JACK: Subtle, she is not. >Makoto: (Quickly turns around to avoid the site of her naked body) AMY: The men's washroom: the test site of the "Mishtal" bomb. >Did you and Mr. Fujisawa had a fight again? RINI: O_o SETSUNA: *Holds head* Urrrrrgh... Thinker grammar... >Mishtal: Yes! I wanted a fuck, and he said that I should be abstinent! > The NERVE of that bastard! And why don't YOU look at > me, Makoto?! SETSUNA: (Makoto) I don't want to turn to stone, Mishtaldusa! >Am I THAT hideous?! ALL: YES. >Makoto: No! It's just that I don't wanna end up having sex with you! > That's all! HOTARU: (Mishtal) But I _WANT_ you to have sex with me! >Mishtal: But I WANT you to have sex with me! MAGIC VOICE: What is it with you five and the fourth wall? JACK: We like breaking things. RINI: Especially the fourth wall. SETSUNA: *Telekinetically slams a seat into the speaker* SIDDOWN!!! >Makoto: You're 30-ish, right? HOTARU: (Ling from Ally McBeal) NO! I'm 26! >But Mishtal walks toward him and wraps his arms around him. >The feeling of two breasts behind his back causes him to have a >nosebleed. RINI: As it would to any anime male. >But then he notices that her grip around him's getting >stronger. SETSUNA: And stronger, and eventually, she crushes his ribs and punctures a lung, thus killing him. The end. >Mishtal: Now Makoto... This could either end in one or two ways... JACK: (Mishtal) In or out. HOTARU: I'd have said dead or alive. > In utmost pleasure... Or in utmost PAIN. A smart little > scientific genius like yourself would not have any problem in > a decision like this... RINI: Hey! It's Washu-san! WASHU: *Teleports into theater* That is _not_ me! I have the decency to dress nicely in front of Tenchi! CHIBI-WASHU 1: Yeah! Washu dresses really good! CHIBI-WASHU 2: Washu's the best! WASHU: Ah, thanks, kids. *Teleports out* RINI: Whoops... >Wanting to get back to work as soon as he can, Makoto finally HOTARU: Commits suicide. >gives up. He takes his "mighty oak" and slides it into Mishtal's "baggy >pussy..." There was a saying that goes "you get better with age." JACK: Cheese, fine wine, and women... three things that follow the above guideline. >Either >that, or it was something in the spa water. SETSUNA: Yeah, they drew it from a toxic waste dump. RINI: Jack's closet! JACK: HEY!!! >Whatever it was, Makoto was >cumming like a firehose inside her pussy; JACK: I'd make a "turn the firehose on the crowd" joke here, but Setsuna'd fry me. SETSUNA: Damn straight. >and in about third of the time >it took for Nanami or Shayla to get him off. RINI: His high horse. >Mishtal: Good heavens, Makoto. Did I cause you to have a > "premature ejaculation?" JACK: (Makoto, panicked & embarrassed) No, no! It wasn't me, it was you! I just lost control for a second there... >Makoto: [Jesus H. Christ! This woman's a Dark Horse! HOTARU: She's the logo of a comic book company?!? >What was >Ms. Fujisawa thinking?!] JACK: (Fujisawa) Oh, man, that babe's hot... I want her! HOTARU: STOP THAT!!! *THWAP* SETSUNA: _MS._ Fujisawa?!? Nani? Is Fujisawa-san Oscar now?!? >Mishtal: But you know, I'm not satisfied yet. So if you kindly do the > honors... RINI: Pop the champagne cork! JACK: Okay! *Summons champagne from Hammerspace and fires the cork off through the theater. He then pours five glasses and passes them out* >He understood as he lays upon the spa floor and takes Mishtal's >pussy into his mouth. SETSUNA: He's eating a cat?!? >He slides his tongue along her pussy lips, tasting SETSUNA: Now he's kissing the friggin' cat! *Begins to glow* JACK: She's not supposed to glow like that, is she? RINI: I don't think so... >her juice that's mixed with his sperm. Mishtal, from the other end, >moans in pleasure. She gives him a point HOTARU: Yeah, a sword point. AMY: I was hoping a spear point, but that'll work. >for knowing how to orally >handle a woman; doing so by taking his member into his mouth and >sucking on him. But she tries not to have him orgasm to quickly as she >did with her pussy. SETSUNA: So it's an orgy with cats?!? *Ki flickers* RINI: Oh, s(BLEEP)it... AMY: SHE'S GONNA BLOW!!!!! HOTARU: DIVE FOR COVER!!! *All but Setsuna dive behind the seats* SETSUNA: TAUNT ME WITH OSCAR FLASHBACKS, WILL YOU?!? TAKE THIS!!! *Ki flares to a blinding level* PLUTO PSIONIC BARRAGE!!! *A huge, uncontrollable wave of psionic energy flies towards the screen. Needless to say, the screen is completely incinerated. Setsuna collapses to the ground, unconscious* JACK: Holy s(BLEEP)it! MAGIC VOICE: Congrats, guys, you've started to uncover your secret attacks. This was hers, and there's one per each of you... at least, right now there's one... you might develop more. Anyway, finish this scene and evac the theater. HOTARU: I'm not going to argue here. RINI: I wonder what mine is? >After a while Makoto had sped up his pace, AMY: (singing) Here she comes, here comes Miz Mishtal... RINI: (singing) She's an orgasm on wheels... >licking and fingering >her box HOTARU: To get to the gooey icing on the cake. >as it starts to drool the gooey liquid that's falling onto his face. >Mishtal, meanwhile, finally reaches her orgasm and moans loudly and >uncontrollabley. And after she falls off of her plateau, ALL: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! *Splatting sounds* >she takes him >back into her mouth. DEEP into her mouth. She gives him the best >blowjob that any man would go to war for. Makoto would've howled in >great pleasure if it weren't for Mishtal's pussy RINI: _More_ Oscar references?!? What, is Shinji Oscar now? >all into his mouth. His >cock shoots his seed all into her mouth, and he kept shooting as Mishtal >manages to swallow it all... JACK: No great feat; there's only a little of it... >-=**=- HOTARU: That's it? RINI: The section's over. AMY: Let's get Setsuna out of here. JACK: Yeah, you're right. *Jack carries out Setsuna. The others exit* (Reverse Door Sequence) (SoS bridge. Setsuna is unconscious on the couch, and Nephrite has stepped onto the bridge.) NEPHRITE: What happened to her?!? JACK: She got her super attack. NEPHRITE: Super attack? RINI: She can pull a psionic attack. JACK: And it annihilated the theater completely. MAGIC VOICE: Yeah, and it ain't gonna be fixed for a while. So we're gonna do something else... *The Hexfield lights up* RINI: Who's calling at this hour? EVIL VOICE: (O.S.) They're there! We locked on to their comm signal! RINI: Diamond?!? *Diamond steps onscreen* DIAMOND: Damn! How'd you know it was me? RINI: Well, I recognize voices, and I remember yours pretty damned well from the Crisis! EMERALD: Ah, hahahahahahahahaha!!! So, little rabbit, you've gotten bigger and stronger. Can you take what we're gonna do to you now? HOTARU: I remember these chumps! The Senshi of the past helped us the last time these fools invaded Earth. SAPPHIRE: True, true, but we survived despite what happened to us... JACK: Who are they? RUBEUS: You don't remember us? JACK: Hey, I was only around when the Makaiju (Doom Tree) existed. RUBEUS: Well, we're the Black Moon family, and we're back for the Ginzuishou! NEPHRITE: *Sigh* Just like Beryl... but they don't get it either. RINI: Where's the dumbass? WISEMAN: Right here, bitch! And because you nuked the theater, you've got to watch the rest of the fanfic! Emerald! Send them the fanfic! EMERALD: Yes, sir! Ah, hahahahahahahahaha!!!!! *Presses button* JACK: Great... *Lights, klaxons, etc.* We've got LEMON SIIIIIGN!!!!! (Door Sequence Version 15.2) Door 6: Standard-issue satellite dogbone door. Door 5: Heero Yuy. He recognizes you and lets you pass by. Door 4: Archangel Bloodraven. After you peek into "Mesmermon's Castle", you get a nosebleed and rush onwards. Door 3: A giant banana. You peel it and eat your way through. Door 2: Weird Al Yankovic. You rap to "Amish Paradise" and pass by. Door 1: An "Under Repairs" sign. You tear it down and enter... (SoS alternate theater. Seating order: Rini, Hotaru, Jack, Nephrite, and Amy.) AMY: Damn, I never knew that we had attacks past the ones that we learned at Super form. HOTARU: I wonder what mine is. NEPHRITE: Thank God you all didn't know them when you fought us. >Afura Mann is with Rune Venus in her chambers. JACK: (Cartman) Yuri. Yuri?!? YURI!!!!! HOTARU: No South Park! *THWAP THWAP* >Their discussion is about Makoto and his constant AMY: Sexual escapades. NEPHRITE: Whoa, whoa, whoa. This is a lemon? JACK: Well, duh. I yelled "Lemon Sign" before we went in! NEPHRITE: CRAP!!! MAGIC VOICE: Who knows? Maybe you've got a super attack, Nephrite. NEPHRITE: Hmm.... >search for a way to control RINI: His premature ejaculation problem. HOTARU: RINI!!! >the "Eye of God." And then it went on a sick tangent, somehow, about >the escapades of Princess Fatora and Alielle as they try to "score" ALL: (Telemundo soccer anbnouncer) GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAL!!!!!!!!!! >with either Shayla-Shayla or Nanami. Apparently Afura is trying out the JACK: 69 position. *THWAP* >"Earth Slang" in order to look more acceptable. But she's annoyed that >the elder princess is speaking through her puppet once more. RINI: Mr. Garrison _is_ Rune Venus. >Afura: Princess Venus. HOTARU: (Afura) I can destroy the world in three words. NEPHRITE: (Afura) We're out of pickles. AMY: (Afura) We're riffing a crappy lemon. KLAXONS: FOURTH WALL BREACH!!!!! *Klaxons blare* JACK: SORRY!!!!! *Alarms shut off* >I'm glad that you're able to restrict >Mizuhara from acutally JACK: Having an orgasm. NEPHRITE: Stop before I lay the smackdown on you. >using the "EOG." But what of his >drive towards the finding of Ifurita? NEPHRITE: (Venus) Don't worry, he gets 25 miles to the orgasm! >MrHappy: (Really Venus speaking high-pitched through her puppet.) AMY: I thougt that it was Mr. Hat... HOTARU: Damn South Park! > You shouldn't worry, my dear. The princess has told Ms. > Jinnai about it and she's currently dealing with the problem. JACK: Oh, she dealt with it, all right, more than you know. >Afura: Venus. Will you please stop speaking through your puppet? ALL: (Venus) NO! >Venus: And why should I? A princess can make a fool out of herself > if she wants. AMY: Yeah, look at Fatora! >Afura: Look: Just because Fatora runs around... HOTARU: Half-naked and horny. >Makoto: (Knocking on the door...) Hello? NEPHRITE: (Crow as Dr. Cal Meacham) Hello, hello... Mr. Magic Plane Person? Hello, hello... >Afura and Venus look towards the closed door. RINI: And see a closed door. >Apparently Makoto needed some expert help in searching for his teacher. >And what better help is there than the princess' royal guards? JACK: How about a ship's computer? HOTARU: Or the ability to blink? *Blinks out of the theater* ALL OTHERS: What the f(BLEEP)ck?!?!? JACK: How'd she _do_ that?!? HOTARU: (O.S.) It's a magic power from "Charmed". It involves thinking and a huge amount of mass transference. >He's been let inside... Only to find his hard-on returning and sticking >out of his pants again. RINI: Nephrite, time for you to see what we endured every time you sent us a fic this bad. NEPHRITE: *Gulp* >The "Harem" outfit seems to be the choice of attire for most of >the women in Rostalia. (Baggy pants showing the legs through the clear >vail, large breasts sticking out... AMY: This place clearly ain't Afghanistan. >Afghanistan this place ain't.) AMY: STOP MESSING WITH MY MIND! MERCURY TIDAL STRIKE!!! *A huge set of waves of water fill the theater and shatter the screen and speaker* That was fun... *Collapses* NEPHRITE: Well, at least we don't have to watch the lemon. MAGIC VOICE: Wanna bet? *Fic is projected on the wall* ALL: DAMN!!! *Amy is teleported out of the theater* >The words "fuck" and "screw" are continuosly bombarding the young >Mizuhara's mind. But he mustn't sink that low. Not in front of royalty, >and definitely not in front of Afura. >Venus: (Noticing his hard-on) Why, hello Makoto. Would you like > to take a seat near me? RINI: Take the seat where? >Makoto: Well... No. The thing is... >Afura: (Also noticing his hard-on) That thing is going to bust if it's > not handled immediately, Mizuhara. JACK: *Klaxon* Warning! Orgasms approaching!!! >Afura takes the silently protesting Makoto by the shoulders and >walks him to the bed Venus is sitting on. The two then gently drag him >down to his seat next to the princess, with the young bookworm sitting >next to him. Makoto's manhood is saluting for all the world to see. NEPHRITE AND JACK: *Salute* RINI: Great... the fic's gotten to you two. >Makoto: N-no! I'm not here for this. RINI: I need some money changed! >Afura: Then what are you here for, Mizuhara? JACK: (Makoto) Drugs. NEPHRITE: (Makoto) Antihistamines. >Makoto: Well... It's about Mr. Fujisawa-aaahh... (His manhood > getting fondled through his pants by the two ladies.) RINI: Does nothing for him. RANMA: *Enters* Hey, guys, whatcha riffing? JACK: A Shinji Ikari lemon. RANMA: Eeeep... *Turns to exit* Hey, the door's locked! *Sits down* Oh, well, might as well riff. >Venus: Masomichi Fujisawa? >Makoto: Yes... He left... Miz... And she... OH GOD!! RANMA: They killed Kenny! JACK: You bastards! >By this time they've gotten his manhood from out of his pants. >The two had also started licking his cheeks. As they continued to RINI: Shoot him through the head. >fondle his cock, the two ladies had layed him down upon the bed. >They layed down with him; their crotches near Makoto's face... NEPHRITE: (Makoto) Whoa, Afura! You don't shave?!? JACK: NEPHRITE!!! RINI: THAT'S DISGUSTING!!! NEPHRITE: Whoa... *Holds hands to head* Sorry, guys, I snapped. >And they soon start sucking upon his cock and testicles... JACK: The drink cups of the future. >Makoto's mind is now in a different timezone once more. He RANMA: Is running on Beijing time. >smells the fresh scent of women all around him as he starts to remove >the Arabian pants. First he undid the princess', and then Afura's. He >puts his hands in both of the women's boxes, RANMA: And draws out the "handfuls of gold". NEPHRITE: NO!!! *THWAP* >causing them to moan silently as they still continued to suck on >his cock. >Afura: His balls are moving... His first round is about to end. >Venus: Then we shall take him by his head and lap up his essence. > Afura? >Afura: My pleasure. >The two ladies take their tongues and slurp on the head of his cock >as fast as humanly possible. This causes Makoto to moan loudly as his >balls empty yet another load through his cock. RINI: Dump her here! OTHERS: *Make various dump truck sounds* >It shoots onto Afura's >side of the face where her hair hangs, but they were both able to clean >the shooting cum from his cock; causing some more of it to fly from his >headpiece... JACK: Rini, shall we? RINI: Why not? JACK AND RINI: PENIS HEADPIECE POWER ORGASM! NEPHRITE: You two... >Makoto is soon kneeling on the bed, watching in awe as Afura and >Venus lick his cum off each other's faces. He feels at their breasts; >their softness and warmth, the way they move about when he caresses them... RANMA: Yuri content approaching... >Afura: Okay, Mizuhara. Who do you want to "shove it in" first? NEPHRITE: (Makoto) How about a watermelon? >Venus: We have all the time in the world, so don't rush... RINI: No, for the sake of the kamis, get it over with now!! >He puts his cock within the elder princess first. He grabs her by >the waist and starts slamming his cock into her. He feels the inner walls >of her pussy and listens to her as she moans out his name. He then takes >out his cock and puts it in Afura, who was mastubating at the time. JACK: In the BASTUB, no doubt. >He grabs her by the waist and slams it in her, listening to the way she >moans. Her pussy feels... It feels good, but how does it differ from >Venus'? RANMA: The science of sex. Sexology. JACK: O_O'' >He starts to alternate between the ladies. He couldn't tell the >difference between them through their vaginal openings. But he could >distinguish between them by the way the gasp, pant, and moan out his >name: Venus is a little higher in pitch than Afura... Never mind. He's >about to cum again. RINI: Orgasm count: six as of now. JACK: The record holder is Miz Mishtal with two. >Venus tells him to get on top of her and place his cock between her >breasts. He did so and he was so amazed at the softness of the breasts >his cock's inbetween. In no time at all his seed flew out of his cock; >first making a mess on Afura's face, and then all over Venus's face... >And finally along the top of the princesses chest... >-=**=- NEPHRITE: (Kasumi) Oh, my! That's just not proper! RANMA: (Kasumi) Hum de dum de dum... where's that cleaver? >The next day, Princess Fatora and Alielle are back to their old tricks JACK: Three-card, find the queen, around the world, et cetera. >again as they try to score with the other ladies of Rostalia... To no >avail. So they're basically stuck with pleasing each other. NEPHRITE: As usual. >It's going >into the early evening; RINI: Going into the early evening... it's Makoto in the lead, followed by Masomichi Fujisawa by two lengths! >and the two lesbians are already sticky with their >own sweat and juice. RANMA: *Holds up two pitchers* Orange or apple? JACK: I prefer limeade. >Alielle: (Nudging Fatora) Hey, sister? >Fatora: What is it? >Alielle: Something's missing... RINI: (Alielle) My dildo's gone again. Did you take it? JACK: Eeeeppp!!! FTBT flashback! >Fatora: Another woman. I hope this isn't permanent. NEPHRITE: Nope, a little soap and water should wash it out nicely. >Alielle: (Taking her chances) RANMA: And cashing them in at the chip counter. JACK: Ironically, they're only worth 25 cents apiece. >Well, maybe we should try a man >instead. >Fatora: Excuse me. ALL: (A-ko) EXCUSE US! JACK: *Waves hand in front of nose* Who farted? >But what have I been telling you about men? >Alielle: That they're scum, and insignificant, and are only good in > creating babies? RINI: (Fatora) That about sums it up. Damn, but you're a good student! >Fatora: So; why are you bringing this up when you KNOW it pisses > me off? RANMA: Because a pissed-off Fatora calms everyone down. NEPHRITE: It's a calm Fatora that has people worried. >Alielle: Well, to tell you the truth... I'm beginning to lose interest JACK: (Alielle) My stocks. I think that my female stockbroker's playing the markt wrong. >in other women. >Fatora: Oh, really now? RINI: (Midwestern twang) Oh, don'tcha know? >Alielle: And I was hoping, in a far-off chance, ALL: (Singing a la the MST3K Theme) In the not-too-distant future, Courtesy of a demon, Makoto-san, in his far-off land, Is trapped in a bad lemon! >that you would feel >the same way. >(A long pause of silence save the birds chirping outside.) ALL: *Mimic birds chirping* >Fatora: Okay... So, what if we now decide to chase men from now > on. Who would be your first target? NEPHRITE: (Fatora) Use this sniper rifle. I find it quite accurate. >Alielle: Why, Makoto of course. ^_^ JACK: Hey, go ahead and kill him. It'll end the damn lemon. >-=*=- RANMA: *Imitates Klaxon* (Protoss voice) WARNING: NUCLEAR LAUNCH DETECTED. >Matoko Mizuhara was lucky enough for RINI: (Monty Python narrator) The animator to have a massive heart attack. The cartoon lemon was no more. JACK: And there was much rejoicing. ALL: (Blandly) Yay. RINI: Hey, I said that the lemon was ending! ALL: *Cheer wildly* >Rune Venus to have her >guards bring breakfast to him. RANMA: Ironically, that breakfast _was_ Rune Venus. >He was even luckier that he was able to >eat everything since all he ate the other days were women's pussy. JACK: I do wish that Setsuna hadn't lost it. She didn't realize that the pussy jokes here were actually references to genitalia instead of Oscar. >Right now the young man wanted to hit the books again NEPHRITE: (Makoto) *Punches a Hammerspace book five times* Take that! And that! And that! And that! BOOK... NO... BAKA!!!!!! >and continue on >with his research of Ifurita's key so he and his friends can get back >home. This type of luck he doesn't have anymore... JACK: For he was written into a lemon. >Fatora: (Busting into the room with Alielle in tow) A fine how-de- > doo to the great foreigner, Mizuhara! RANMA: A "how-de-doo"? She'd better clean it up! JACK: And stop O.D.ing on laxatives. >Makoto: HEY!! HOLD ON A MINUTE!! I still hadn't dressed up, > yet! RINI: And why would you? >Alielle: You don't need to be dressed up, silly. NEPHRITE: (Alielle) You only need to be dressed in casual clothes! RANAM: (Fatora) Or your birthday suit. >Fatora: Because as of today, you shall be having non-stop sex with > the both of us! NEPHRITE: *Sigh* Surprise, surprise. >Makoto: (Grimacing) JACK: Makoto _is_ the McDonald's mascot. >Hey. I just had sex with five women the last >couple of days. One woman too many in my humble >opinion. NEPHRITE: That's something you'd never hear Zoisite or Malachite say. JACK: What, were they... NEPHRITE: That aphrodisiac powder that Kodachi had... we accidentally ingested some about four fics after we sent them to the Satellite. JACK: You're joking. NEPHRITE: It certainly explains the "Austin Powers" bit that they pulled. RINI: Hey, how'd you know about that? Beryl killed you after the lemon! NEPHRITE: I saw it on the videos in the library. You all didn't know that the computer automatically records all transmissions? JACK: Hey, it does... and Setsuna and I discovered the computer before we riffed "Poke-Sailors", and it said that Jadeite held the rank of captain... what was yours? NEPHRITE: Admiral. JACK: Hot damn! We might just get out of here after all! RINI AND RANMA: What... how... JACK: Tell you after the fic. >Alielle: And what of two more? (Gets nudged by Fatora) What is it? RINI: (Fatora) You're supposed to shoot him! >Fatora: Five women you say. (Walks over towards him and starts > stripping his clothes off) And who are said five women you > had sex with? RANMA: (Singing) Dasher and Dancer... NEPHRITE: (Singing) And Donner and Blitzen... RINI: (Singing) Comet and Cupid and Donder and Blitzen... JACK: (Singing) But can you recall... the most horrible lemon of all? ALL: (Singing) Chibi-Usa's Seventh Birthday! NEPHRITE: Though this comes in a close fifteenth. >Makoto: Well there's Nanami, and Shayla, Rune, Afura, and then > there's Mishtal... >Alielle: Miz is married. Right? NEPHRITE: (British) No, no, I don't think so, no, no, no. JACK: Has that ever mattered to a horny 30-year-old woman? >Makoto: Well she had a fight with Mr. Fujisawa again and she needed > a "dildo" to cheer her up... ~_~; JACK: Well, maybe she should have turned to the Royal Guards. Their spears certainly are useful. >Fatora: So what we have here is failure to be hard and sex-driven. >Alielle: Don't worry! We'll fix it right up! RANMA: (Alielle) Fatora, give me the blue Viagra pills, the porn videos, and the nuclear weapon. NEPHRITE: Eeeep!!!! "Pokemon: The Next Pikachu" reference! RANMA: I take it that that's one of the fics you were gonna send us? NEPHRITE: Yeah, but the hard drive went down and we forgot where to find it. JACK: I think we have a plan, then! >The two ladies soon start kissing, licking, and fondling his >manhood. NEPHRITE: Is the fic regressing? This sounds vaguely like the Venus/Afura scene. JACK: Maybe Setsuna's woken up and is reversing the time stream. NEPHRITE: Not a chance. We made damned sure you couldn't use the time editing features here because you'd change it to stop us. RINI: Believe us, we know. -_-'' >Makoto had no choice but to give in; hoping that no bondage >will be used in this escapade. AVANENT: *Teleports in* But of course, there's always the ropes, whips and chains... and I'd be happy to loan them out. *Teleports out* JACK: Dammit, Avanent, stop guesting so much! >-=*=- JACK: (Starfleet computer) You eliminated the Doctor. Two frags left. >A young lady is walking through the shopping strip RINI: Hey, it's Comedy Central's "Strip Mall"! >towards the palace of Rostalia. RANMA: Also known as the "Place of Death". >Her blue hair, wild yet with stern organization, >flows with the little wind produced at that time of day. JACK: Here's some more wind for you! *Farts loudly* ALL OTHERS: EEEEEEEEEWWWWWWW!!!!! JACK: (A-ko) Well, excuuuuuuuse me! *Flips on ventilation system* >She's the newest >candidate to become one of the "Three Priestesses of Muldoon" and the >successor of the now married Miz Mishtal. But right now she wishes to NEPHRITE: Commit suicide. JACK: F(BLEEP)ck Makoto Mizuhara silly. RINI: Get us off the Satellite. RANMA: Lift the Jusenkyou curse on me? >go into a clothing center. Upon going in, she checks her wallet to make >sure she hasn't been pickpocketed. She wants to find the best clothing >and look the best she can so she can impress the people herein; and >especially the guy who claims to be from another world... RINI: Not the Magnificient World, no. El-Hazard's the "Lemony World"! >-=*=- JACK: (Dirty Harry) You've just crossed the line, buddy. *Imitates gunshot* >Makoto continuously thrusts his manhood into Fatora's tight pussy >as Alielle licks the combined sexes from underneath. And then he >switches to Alielle's even-tighter pussy and thrusts his manhood >into NEPHRITE: A meat grinder. JACK: O_O''' *Covers his "special" region* >her whilst Fatora glides her tongue about his meat and her clitoris. >And then a new position is tried where the two lesbians rub their pussies >together. Makoto lays on the bed, his soldier saluting victoriously, ALL MALES: *Salute sharply* >as the lesbians rub the opening of their pussies along it. What followed >shorty after was an orgy of orgasm RANMA: Repetition. No fanfic by the author of a fanfic is complete or whole without repetition and redundancy. JACK: This announcement brought to you by the Institute of Redundancy Institute's Redundancy Institute Redundancy Branch. >release: Makoto started first as his >sperm shot straight up and then back down upon his cock and the two >pussies that were rubbing him. And the two ladies did a simultanious >explosion; drenching Makoto's softening cock with their own fluids. RINI: Orange juice and sulfuric acid! >An hour of resting later, Makoto realized that he HAD TO GET >UP NEPHRITE: *Snorts* Not a chance in hell barring a small miracle. After seven women, he ain't gonna be able to do much. >as it was about time to meet the new Priestess of Muldoon. He >curses himself for being magically transfered to a place where the term: >"a quick shower" is compared to the term: "a snowball's chance in hell." RANMA: Just like us ever getting off this godforsaken Satellite. JACK: Don't bet on it. I have a hunch that we can get on a course home soon. >But as fanfiction luck would have it; RINI: A plot hole sucked the whole fic in and crushed it to atoms. JACK: Actually, I was thinking a massive plot contrivance sale at K-Mart. >two maids were called in, by Rune >Venus, to get the three cleaned up and ready in an equivilant of thirty >minutes. (Makoto being the easiest to do...) JACK: Yeah, they "did" him, all right. OTHERS: *Groan* >-=*=- NEPHRITE: *Blows a whistle like Kari's from "Digimon"* Backcourt violation! Ball turnover! >Venus: (Using her dreaded puppet again, much to everybody's > dismay) I like everybody to meet the successor to the "Water > Priestess of Muldoon," Qawool Towles. RINI: Shampoo _is_ Mr. Hat. >Qawool: [What's with the puppet?] Hello! It's a pleasure to meet all > of you! It's certainly a pleasure to meet the "other-worlders" > who had helped protect Rostalia from harm! NEPHRITE: (Qawool) And I'm high on happy pills right now! >Everyone's here; save Fujisawa who's still climbing mountains. >Makoto's amazed by the sheer power of Venus' maids when it comes to >washing a body. He's smelling like a fresh rose during the spring, and >the royal clothing he wears is enriching on his essence. He then takes a >look at the new priestess. She's kinda cute; her small figure and all. >But, thankfully, she's not enough to cause him to get hard. ALL: (Singing) Hallelujah! Hallelujah! >Qawool then walks over towards Makoto. They're now looking >face-to-face at each other. Makoto's getting nervous now. JACK: So are we... >She's just standing there, smiling at him. RINI: (Qawool) I'm going to kill you, Makoto Mizuhara. Yes, I'm going to kill you slowly and painfully. >Makoto: [I don't know what's running through your mind as of now. > But if you think you're going to have sex with me, then > you're way off!] RANMA: Unfortunately, it's you who's way off, Makoto. >Qawool: You must be Makoto Mizuhara, right? NEPHRITE: (Makoto as Hannibal Lector) Nope, Hannibal Lector. Pleased as punch to meetcha! JACK: (Makoto as Mamoru) Nope, I'm Chiba Mamoru. You're in the wrong anime! El-Hazard is filmed three doors down! >Makoto: Uh... Yeah... >Qawool: You're my hero, Makoto. You're the only man powerful > enough to bring Ifurita under your control. RINI: (Makoto) Well, the two-inch Johnson helped a little. JACK: *Snicker* Nice small joke, Rini. RINI: Wha... HEY! PERVERT!!! *CLANG!* >Makoto: That's not true! I merely gave her a sense of awareness > and... RANMA: (Makoto) Flipped her "off" switch. >Qawool: Makoto? Can we talk in private, please? >The poor Mizuhara had no choice but to comply as she leads him >from out of the gathering hall. He's also unfortunate to learn of her full >strength as she grabs the back of his head and pushing him to the >nearest... JACK: Guillotine! >Makoto: [BEDROOM?! ALL: CRAP!!! RANMA: Oh, for Kami-sama's sake! >Oh for Tokimi's Sake! I'm not gonna do >someo- Alielle! But I don't wanna do another one!] NEPHRITE: (Baby Plucky) Wanna do her again! >Qawool: (Throws him onto the bed) Now let's get one thing clear as > of now, Mizuhara! RINI: (Qawool) You are _not_ going to have sex with me! NEPHRITE: (Makoto) Oh, thank God! >The Demon Goddess Ifurita had been a >plague on my ancestors for generations. And for someone to >fall out of the sky and soon gain control of these bitches... >It's no laughing matter! ALL: *Burst out laughing* >Makoto: And your point...? JACK: (Qawool) Is the one on the end of my staff. >Qawool: We had holidays set up for you, Mizuhara. The young ladies > of our town would have group mastubations in hopes of > having sex with you. RINI: I still don't get how that could help their chances in getting to screw Makoto. >Makoto: Oh crap! Hold on a minute! I don't know if I should > deserve all this! NEPHRITE: (Makoto) I don't want it! Hot potato! Hot potato! >Qawool: Huh? JACK: Buh? RINI: Gah? RANMA: Wha? NEPHRITE: Moving on... *Sweatdrop* >Makoto: First of all: I've done like seven women as of late... RANMA: And if you can stand that, doing one more won't hurt. >Qawool: And you believe that one more's gonna kill you? NEPHRITE: (Makoto) God, I hope so. >Makoto: Wait 'till I finish! There's still one woman I'm very much in > love with. >Qawool: And so that's why you're always in the study hall. You want > her back into your arms again. I understand. BUT RIGHT > NOW...!!! JACK: (Qawool, maniacal) YOU'RE GONNA FREAKIN' DIE, MIZUHARA! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!! *Imitates machine gun* >Makoto: (*Sobbing*) >Qawool: Okay. How about this: You can either be dragged kicking > and screaming, or you can pull out your dick... RINI: (Qawool) And let me chop it off. JACK: What did I tell you and Hotaru about the castration jokes? >The poor genius decided that it would be less painful if he gave in. >So he removed his cock from out of hiding. Qawool gives him an order >to sit on the bed as she kneels down between his legs and gave him the >Rostal version of a "Brentwood Hello." RANMA: I prefer the "California Welcome". *Flips the fic the finger* >She gently licks upon the head NEPHRITE: Of lettuce, which is covered with Thousand Island dressing. >of his cock as it starts to grow. JACK: An extra set of balls. RINI AND RANMA: O_o''' >Makoto is amazed with how well she >does a blowjob. He's been blowed several times before, but with her >it's like she puts more care on how the guy feels instead of just >putting it in her mouth and sucking into he goes off. NEPHRITE: And his head explodes. JACK: Like this? *Head explodes, showering chibi-Mulders everywhere. They disappear, and his head reassembles.* NEPHRITE: Something like that. >He then sees a bright glow eminating from her. RANMA: (Tom Servo) Suddenly I have a refreshing minty flavor! >So he takes her by >the chin and brings her face to his, kissing her in the mouth. >The taste of his own cock is in her mouth. But now he realizes what >he must do. RINI: Face his destiny at Bespin and fight Darth Vader. JACK: (Vader) Makoto, I am your father. It's true. >He takes her by the shoulder and waist as he guides her onto the bed. >He then tries to find a way of removing her clothing... But she helps >him by disconnecting the buttons and hooks which held her clothing >together. And so he kisses her again; and he starts kissing downward. NEPHRITE: And after nine days, he hits hell. >He licks about her pert RANMA: Plus shampoo bottle. JACK: That's just sick, Ranma. >breasts, which were free of the clothing that was >in their way, and alternates from left to right. JACK: (Drill sergeant) Left, left, left, right, left! GOT THAT, YOU MORONS?!? CAN YOU DO THAT, SOLDIERS?!? >He then licks around her >belly button and then down between her legs. RINI: That can't taste too good... especially the belly button lint. JACK AND RANMA: O_o''' >Her underwear already bunched around the ankle of her left leg, >Makoto's tongue dives deep into her pussy and starts servicing her >from there. NEPHRITE: Oil change... tune-up... obviously, the lube and axle jobs. Yep, that's what services she needs! >The taste of her pussy... The taste of women's pussy will always >be different. JACK: Let's see... so far, I count Hotaru's as mint, chocolate, peaches and cream, Cabernet, and several others that I can't remember. RINI: WHAT?!?!? YOU'VE... EATEN... HOTARU?!?!? JACK: Only when she wanted me to! RINI: Geez, you two ought to be married. >But Qawool's taste is something wonderful; like a small >hint of fresh perfume that could only be found at the best department >stores. NEPHRITE: Such as Needless Markup? >(*Ah-CHOOMACY'S!!* Excuse me.) Small moans and cries >were echoed from her mouth and throughout the room. And the constant >pleasure of her g-spot had suddenly caused her to shudder as she >flooded Makoto's mouth with her pussy juice. RINI: (Hick) Mah Gawd, Maw, the mouth o' the Makoto River's floodin'! Get the kids in the raft! >Meanwhile, everybody's outside the room with SHOCK etched >out on their faces. RANMA: Great tattoo. *Snort* Even Akane wouldn't have _that_ anywhere on her body. >Nanami and Shayla then started sobbing. Fatora and >Alielle's jaws dropped. Afura starts to look pissed. Mishtal >starts to foam in the mouth. And Rune Venus had realized too late that >it was a very, very bad idea to have Qawool come here. JACK: Get used to it. You all screwed him, but it wasn't by his choice, and he's over you all. RANMA: (Nelson Muntz) Ha ha! >Makoto's manhood has been revitalized with new energy as it >plunges into Qawool's tight pussy. He grabs her by the waist, doing her >doggy-style, as the sensation causes the new water priestess to drool >from her mouth and her pussy. But she wanted more. She wanted >more. She wanted more. ALL: We want the fanfic to stop. We want the fanfic to stop. We want the fanfic to stop. >Qawool: Makoto, please stop. >Makoto: (Stopping) Why? Did I do something wrong? NEPHRITE: (Qawool) Yeah, you exist, dumbass. >Qawool: No. I just wanted you to take your cock and put it in another > place of mine. A very special place. JACK: *Eyes widen* RINI: Oh, s(BLEEP)it... RANMA: If this is what I think it is... NEPHRITE: Take cover!!! *All dive behind their seats* >She then reaches her arms from behind, grabs his throbbing cock >from out of her pussy, and proceeds to open up her butthole... JACK: NO ONE LOOK UP AT THE SCREEN! NEPHRITE: Oh,, relax. Don't be such a big baby. *Looks at screen* AIIEEEEEEE!!!! MY EYES!!!! I'M BLINDED!!!!! *Takes hands off eyes* Oh, wait. Never mind. >Makoto: Now this is getting insane here! I've been through some...! >Qawool: Shhhh... Relax your dick, hon. After this, you'll start > feeling good. RANMA: Is it over yet? JACK: (Grim) I ain't looking. >Makoto figured that Qawool seems to know what she's doing. RINI: *Sits back in her chair and munches on popcorn* (Makoto) No, Qawool! You don't mix potassium and water!!! NO!!!!! *Mimics explosion* >And so he takes the head of his cock and slowly pushes it into her very- >tight ass. JACK: NOT ANAL SEX!!!! *Head explodes, flinging chibi-Atarus everywhere. They run out of the theater and explode. His head reassembles.* >There was a loud wail from Qawool, but it was muffled due to RANMA: Her being suffocated by Makoto. >her face being buried into the pillows. And besides; he was told not to >stop until she said so. His cock continued on its journey up her ass; >despite the wailing getting louder. NEPHRITE: Tokyo Makoto in "Raiders of the Lost Ass". >But the sensation was too great for him. He felt like he could >explode any second now. JACK: Just like my head did. >His cock was 2/3 the way up her ass; but if >he'd even move a millimeter, this would be the end for him. >Qawool: Makoto? Come here. >He then follows the order as his head came closer to Qawool's; her >arms wrapping his around her chest as she has him grab her breasts. >Qawool: How does it feel? >Makoto: I feel like I'm about to shoot into your butt, Qawool! NEPHRITE: (Makoto) Shall I use the .22 or the .54 caliber pistols? Take your pick. >Qawool: Then do it. That's why you're here. Now, thrust... >And so, with the strength he had despite the incredible pleasure, he >thrusted his cock into her ass. And it felt great. Qawool started to wail >into the pillows once more. He thrusted once again... And he suddenly >felt a bolt of lightning run through his body. RINI: For Ash Ketchum had entered the lemon and used Pikachu's "Thunderbolt" on Makoto and Qawool. >A stream of white shot out >of his cock and into the depths of her ass... >-=*=- >The next morning, Masomichi Fujisawa came back from the >mountains in hopes of seeing everybody again and getting another free >drink. What he recieved instead was RANMA: The knowledge that he missed out on the lemon. JACK: And believe me, was he ever pissed off. >an extremely irate Miz Mishtal >forcing him into some bondage (despite his new-found strength due to >the mountain weather) and a spreading rumor about Makoto Mizuhara's >new perversion in doing women by their asses. JACK: (Makoto as Bill Clinton) I did not have anal sexual relations with that woman. >Makoto: THAT'S NOT TRUE!!! JACK: (Makoto as Bill Clinton) Whoa, I did? *Grins* Cool! > ************ RINI: The Shinji Network: Home to the WB's "Pop Stars". >Meanwhile, back to the future of Earth... Ifurita's holding a >trinket that she had gotten from when Makoto Mizuhara was still alive. >It took him about ten years to find the deep secrets of the >"Power Keys." he found it. Ifurita would've done her thingy-thing with >the couple guys from "Fushigi Yuugi" if he hadn't shown up in time. NEPHRITE: But they're yaoi! RINI: Oh, my, God.. JACK: This _so_ reeks of "Fit to be Tied". >Time... Humans don't have enough of it. Waste chemicals have >too much of it. And Ifurita's cursed with it... >Shinji Ikari, seeing Ifurita in her state, comes by to see if he can >cheer her up. There's a doubt that he'll be able to, but... RANMA: Maybe he'll get lucky. >Shinji: Ifurita... (Her head turns his way) If you feel sad, then > opening yourself up would make you feel better... RANMA: (Shinji) Now spread your legs and open up for me. >Ifurita: (Then notices some new metals on his jacket...) > PROMOTED??!! Get the hell outta here! (Punches him in > the shoulder) RINI: (Ifurita) Get the hell outta here before I use the "Make My Day" law on your sorry ass. >Shinji: OW!! [I'm lucky this lady didn't punch my shoulder off!] > What was that for?! I only came to cheer you up! >Ifurita: (With a VERY LARGE sneer on her face) The little rodent > finally gets boosted in the ranks! I'm cheered up alright! > This calls for a "threesome!" ALL: O_O NEPHRITE: _MORE_ sex?!?!? I'm sorry I ever joined up with Beryl in the first place! >You! Me! And a six-pack of > Woodchuck! >Shinji: Holy Shit, Rita! Hey! JACK: I don't wanna know what they're gonna do with the cans. >At this end, Ifurita drags the protesting future lieutenant off to the >nearest bar... > ************ > *The End?* ALL: *Cheer wildly* NEPHRITE: We beat the fic! WE BEAT THE FIC!!! RANMA: Then why are the doors still locked? > *Or A New Beginning?* ALL: *Shatter the doors with various ki attacks* (Reverse door sequence) (Scene: SoS bridge. Setsuna is on the couch, still unconscious, and Hotaru is tending to her.) HOTARU: Oh, man, she's out of it. That's gotta be due to the Super attack... *Riffers enter* JACK: Holy crap, they're still out? NEPHRITE: That attack must have drained them incredibly. Have you found the stores of Elixer yet? HOTARU: You have that Pokemon stuff on board? NEPHRITE: Third drawer from the right in the kitchen, last I checked. It should restore them. RANMA: *Fetches Elixer and passes two cans to Hotaru* One for Setsuna, and one for Amy. HOTARU: *Administers Elixer to Setsuna and Amy* This should do it... SETSUNA: *Wakes up* The lemon's over? JACK: Yeah, and you'll never believe who's back. *Red button flashes* Great, now the Backstreet Boys are calling. *Slaps the button* (Black Moon UFO) RUBEUS: Well, I see you made it through the fic! (SoS) SETSUNA: The hell?!? _THEM_?!?!? RINI: Yep, Puu, and they're mad as Akane with a wet t-shirt! (Black Moon UFO) WISEMAN: You won't survive the next fic, though! Sapphire! Push the button! SAPPHIRE: As you wish, my lord. *Hits the button* What? It's not working! (SoS) URD: *Enters with Kuno* What's up, guys? *Teleports elsewhere with Kuno* Bye! JACK: The hell? RINI: She's been teleported off the Satellite! (FWOOSH) \/ \/ \/ \/ -O- /\ /\ /\ /\ (Black Moon UFO) SAPPHIRE: _NOW_ it's working... ******************************************************************** AUTHOR'S NOTES Well, chalk one more up to me. That's fifteen now, and I'm going to take a few weeks off to finish "Fit to Be Tied". Tuxedo Alex and I have been working on that since Columbus Day 2000, and we're gonna get that done by April. Shinji, thanks. This was fun, and even though it took a long time to riff, was definitely one of my better MSTings. I've got to start recommending you to more people. Don't forget, I'm going to get that "Maya Ibuki Sleep-Tight Story" done for episode 120 with Stephen Ratliff's Marrissa Picard story "Memorial Day". People, in case you haven't noticed, I've been plugging the fact that I'm creating a new Satellite with people for a new MSTing series - one that exists exclusively to MST the "Pokemon: The Next Pikachu" series of semi-lemons. I need ideas for prospective characters, plot contrivances, and various other items... I'd give credit, of course, and perhaps have the contributor guest-star in the episode. NEXT EPISODE: A very lost boy arrives at the Satellite with some... odd... passengers... and two people go with him, two very old friends whose departure will mark the end of an era on the Satellite of Senshi. Jack and Hotaru do something unexpected... and the Black Moon decides to start acting like famous movie villains for some odd unexplained reason! Oh, yeah, the record _five_ MSTed fics in the next episode are all by Sailor Sugar. Lia, I hope you're happy that I bumped you up that fast. Until then, ja ne! Tuxedo Jack and the Crew of the Satellite of Senshi TuxedoJack@juno.com User 20047 on FF.net http://www.angelfire.com/gundam/SatelliteSenshi ********************************************************************** Stinger: ">Qawool gives him an order >to sit on the bed as she kneels down between his legs and gave him the >Rostal version of a "Brentwood Hello." RANMA: I prefer the "California Welcome". *Flips the fic the finger*"