Hi!
This is my first real eva fic, my first real lemon.  I never really liked
Asuka before this, but I wanted to try and understand her.  This is what I
came up with.  This is the final draft out of countless rewrites - I have to
thank tai an my first reader, editor, encourager and best chum for seeing me
through this; after all the late nights working out problem areas, this is
as much his fic as it is mine.  Thanks!  He has a poem based on this fic
which he is posting soon.

all hail symbiotic inspiration!

Ikari Yui/sze-chan




_RED_

Smell vaguely chemical;
skin that contests
snowWhite and
you beat her at that icy game!

Asuka scribbled on, pen scratching lethargically over the lined paper, not
even half listening to sensei give yet again the lecture on the third
impact.

Perfect.
Like a doll, a
HORRIBLE
doll.

Asuka hated dolls.  They made her want to kick them, scream at them, slit
their throats with a progressive knife...  her fingers gripped convulsively
over the penknife in on her desk, and she closed her eyes to the gratifying
image of her beautiful eva slicing a pint-size perfect doll lengthwise.  She
rewound the scene.  How about -  Widthwise.   She imagined the stuffing
spill out, the form becoming a limp unrecognisable collapsed heap.  She
ressurected it and started, again.

*Oh my darling, you don't know how I would like to slide this sweet little
knife down the curve of your white neck.  But of course, all that you would
do is give me that idiotic dead red doll look...*

She watched the mop of blue hair in front of her, blue hair that always
seemed as impossibly rumpled as Rei was always impossibly composed.  How
often had she wanted to reach out just before her (so easy a thing to do,
and yet so hard) and smooth that mess out.  Teach it what it should be,
conform it to her will, Asuka's will.  To tickle that white smooth
disgusting skin, delicately spray that sterile form over with her little
bottle of Polo Sport till it smelled somehow more real, if such a thing was
possible.

As it was, that doll smelled like Mother.  Mother and the work that had
taken Asuka away from Mother and given Mother a doll.

*Doll, I could just reach out and strangle you before you knew it.*

Asuka surveyed her hands.  Her nails were uncut, likely to make the process
all the more painful  - her heart quickened.

*Dolls are for playing with.*

She could see her doll stripped, simply watching her as she choked the pale
mechanical form to death.  She ran hands down the beautiful (constructed,
she reminded herself) curves of  hip and thigh, let her breath kiss lightly
the still breasts while she laughed softly at the lack of reaction.  It was
exactly as she had known it would be.

*You are dead.  I can violate you if I want to.*

She let her auburn curls fall and caress the flat white stomach as she laid
her head down upon it, eyes closed while her sharp fingers first caressed,
then dug into the quiet form of  each rib of the pale chest, lower, lower,
till she laid cold lips upon the navel that had never connected to any
mother.

*Rei, you don't taste half as bad as I suspected.*

She worked the kiss back up over the silent figure, grasping those slender
white arms.  No one was going to fight back, she knew that.  She surveyed
with relish the red lacerations that appeared where she clawed at the pale
flesh, and she drove them in  harder in a wave of mad exhilaration,
surprised by the firmness of muscle beneath the skin.

*A strong dolly then,  aren't you.*

She wrenched the blue mass of rough hair back from the pale face, and stared
into deep red eyes that were wide open - open but devoid of sense and with
no soul within their depths.  For a moment they held her - pools of LCL in
which she could almost see her own reflection.  Panting and clammy she
caught the chemical whiff again, and to stop herelf from retching tore her
gaze away.  In furious perversity she drove upon those small pristine lips a
more passionate kiss than she had ever given any boy.

The lips beneath hers fell open; the mouth was dry and cold.  The alieness
of it shocked her into a frozen pause, but a moment later she was furious
with herself, furious that this *thing* could have any kind of hold on her.
She grabbed the limp wrists and thrust the white hands against her own
breast.

*This is what I have and you don't.  This is passion, life.  This is me, I
exist, and you are nothing.  Doll!  You are nothing.*

It sat, hauled upright by the force of her pull, and merely looked at her.
With what seemed to be a life of their own, her fists lashed out at the
blank face and with grim glee she saw blue-black welts appear.

*You are so ugly, Rei.  So ugly.  A million times inferior to me.  You
should lie prostrate at my feet.  You should be my slave.*

Passion searing between her own thighs, she grabbed those hands once again
and
pressed the fingers into her own slit, sending fireworks radiating through
her entire body.  She plunged them in again, gasping with little shivers of
pleasure.  For this moment, she, Asuka, was perfect.  Was beautiful.  She
leaned forward suddenly, and kissed the pale, finely-boned hands.  Tasted
herself, as she suckled at those fingertips.

Asuka sat up slowly, still grasping Rei's hands tightly.  She closed her
eyes to the blank face, the red eyes, and traced the features with just her
fingertips.  The smooth skin, the fine hair.  Then she clasped her arms
about the slender neck and rubbing  her own taut nipples against the ones
below, put her lips to the cool forehead. Her arms found their way from
definition of Rei^Òs shoulder blades to the lightest tracing over Rei's
abdomen.

*Rei ... the times I look at you in class and want this...*

With that thought the penknife from her desk appeared in her grip, the blade
finely honed with every pent up  moment of pain and frustration of her
fifteen years of life.  She continued her tracery gently, teasing open the
warm slit with first the rounded butt of the knife, then gently with the
cool flat of the blade.  The edge just grazing the folds within.

Did she imagine it?  The doll seemed to sigh.  To twitch.  Asuka smiled to
herself, not quite knowing why.  Momentarily she retracted the blade, and
pondered as she licked the flat of the knife.

*I must admit, you are good for something...but I shan't be so kind as to keep
you.  I'm going to bloody you where you never bled before. A doll is not a
doll till she is _used_.*

The scent, the taste, the hint of blood crashed through her system.  Asuka
jerked with sudden painful pleasure.  This was better than battle, better
than victory.  Asuka laughed: a terrible demented howl. Wrenched those legs
open and continued where she had left off.  Plunged the blade in deeper,
twisting it with fierce energy.  Rei gasped, spasmed, then cried out: a
startling choked moan that was as much pain as pleasure, as she bled where
she had never bled before.  Asuka's hands grew slick with a salty wetness
but she only gripped the handle harder, and repeated the action till the
quickening gasps from other girl had escalated into a burst of  pained
screams and horrified yells and the world was going into a red haze as the
form became limper and stiller.

 "Asuka!"

The sound was like a far off dream, faint and indistinguishable.  But the
body beneath her that until now had been dead to her touch convulsed, and
the eyes came to life as she *screamed*... and suddenly there was no Rei
there was only Asuka Asuka violated and crushed the blood flowing was red
not blue it was Asuka Asuka Asuka

Something was roughly grabbed out of her hand, arms tried to embrace her,
but as the world swirled into view it was Shinji, brown eyes that were
concerned and a voice that was trying to make her hear.  The second thing
she saw was that the seat in front of hers was now empty.

"Asuka!  Wake up!  It's a dream!  Class is over.  Look, you've even cut
yourself, I don't know what you were doing..."

She thrashed around in reality, now realising what she had just done what
she had just felt.  She felt drenched in uncleanliness and impurity, and the
proximity to another being only heightened the bile in her throat.  She
shoved him away wildly, staggering back into a clatter of tables and chairs
in the empty classroom.  The sudden burst of real physical pain was nothing
to her ... she felt numb all over.

She stumbled away, bumping into more tables as she went, even as Shinji came
forward, concern written plain on his face, a concern that was smothering
and terrible to her now.  She lurched into the corridor and away, choking
down sobs of shock as she went, never looking back at the hurt eyes she left
behind.

© Sze 1998