"And I did open the can of dog food, and I did mix it with the dry dog 
food..."

A Trio of Rather Screwed-Up Christmas Carols
By Tuxedo Jack
December 11, 2000

DISCLAIMER: Everyone mentioned herein is their own property. I own these 
lyrics, as I created them. Apologies to the ones who wrote the music 
and lyrics to the originals. All anime beings are the properties
of whomever created them. MST3K is the property of Best Brains.

************************************************************************

"Oscar Roasting on an Open Fire" to the tune of "Chestnuts Roasting on 
an Open Fire"

Oscar roasting on an open fire,
Ratliff nipping at your nose.
Lots of songfic being flung in the fire,
Avatars dressed up like Eskimos...

Everybody knows
A MiSTing and some MiSTletoe
Help to make the season bright
The SoL
With its lights all aglow
Is high in its orbit tonight

They know Dr. F. is on his way
He's loaded lots of fics and movies on his sleigh
And every single bot is gonna cringe
When Pearl Forrester goes on a drinking binge

And so we're offering this simple thought
To every MSTer, man or bot
"When you go to riff the things the Mads send you,
Bring sarcasm... bring a lot."

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"Pikachu" to the tune of "Jingle Bells"

(Ash) Fighting Team Rocket,
Beating Gym Leaders,
Capturing Pokemon,
Winning more battles!

My name is Ash Ketchum,
And that what's my life's like,
I can sum it up for you - 
It's one great big old fight!

CHORUS:
(All Pokemon characters w/Outer Senshi) Oh, Pikachu, Pikachu,
What are you to do?
You're trapped in a Christmas songfic
Written by Hotaru...

Pikachu, Pikachu,
Commit suicide
All of us here hate you
So go run in fear and hide!

(James) A day or two ago,
I thought I'd have some fun,
And soon Jessie and Meowth
Had loaded up their guns!

We went after the kids,
And caught them in a backyard
Then that stupid fucking kid
Sent out his Charizard!

(Repeat Chorus)

***********************************************************************

"What Fic is This" to the tune of "What Child is This"

(Males from the Satellite of Senshi) What fic is this that Oscar wrote,
That Beryl sent and we're riffing
In which he does the hibbidy-dibbidy
With Artemis and then Felicia

(Females from the Satellite of Senshi) That, that is an Oscarfic
He's the worst hentai on the Internet
Run, run, for his fics come forth
The hermaphrodite, Oscar

(Males) And who wrote this steaming pile of crap
Involving the Sailor Senshi
He blows them away with a common twelve-gauge
Sawed-off shotgun and two shells each

(Females) That, that is a being named Nav
He's a man with quite a large axe to grind
He hates the Sailor Senshi
And he wants to kill them all brutally

***********************************************************************

AUTHOR'S NOTES

Well, happy holidays, everybody. This definitely isn't my Christmas special
- that's a Shinji Ikari the 10 o' Clock Assassin lemon - but this comes 
close. The "Oscar Roasting on an Open Fire" bit I thought up the same 
morning that I wrote "You're the Moon Princess" - I was definitely 
overdosed on caffeine. "What Fic is This" I wrote later that day. I had 
kicked around the idea of a novel-form Christmas special for MSMT3K in 
which everybody sang these... but I decided, as you can tell, to post
these separately.

"Pikachu" - well, you don't want to know where that came from, but I'll 
tell you. I made it up in the shower last night. I was bored, and my 
laptop's MIDI player won't repeat if I use a playlist (which I did)... 
so I sang.

(A la the Prince from "Monty Python and the Holy Grail") I want to sing,
sing, _sing_! (Normal) Oy... sorry. Little error there. Mind snapped.

Bring the antinauseants for Mystery Sailor Moon Theater 3000 episode 114! 
Someone escapes... Urd discovers the true meaning of "don't eat that food"
and soon regrets it... and a prelude to horror is laid!

Ja ne!

Tuxedo Jack
TuxedoJack@juno.com

http://www.satellitesenshi.net
http://www.satellitesenshi.com
http://www.satellitesenshi.org

"He's going to tell us, he's going to tell us, he's going to tell us,
he's going to tell us..." - Monty Python and the Holy Grail