"Thrustmaster joysticks? Sounds kinky!"

*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*

Tuxedo Jack
- and -
Craptacularly Spignificant Productions
- present -

		Over-Violent Student Double Hail Hina:
		   A Crossover that Should Never Be
			   Part 4!

*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*

Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina, Sailor Moon, or the
flaming bag of dog poop that showed up on my doorstep
last night.

This still diverges from the LH/BSSM timelines. I highly
recommend taking some Dramamine to combat the feeling of
timeline shift.

*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*

Previously on Trigun... err, ACTSNB...

- Mutsumi was revealed to be Sailor Yakusoku
- Liddite got the holy bejeezus beaten outta him
- And, of course, more plotzing!

Now on with the show!

*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*

Despite Keitaro's latest expectations, the new Senshi was
far beyond them.

The raven-haired woman detransformed, giving Sailor Senpai
a quick nude flash (and the resultant nosebleed) and appeared
before him and the incognito Saraite as Otohime Mutsumi, 
with her kawaii smile (and large... erm, watermelons) turned
towards him.

"And out pooped Sailor Mercury," she said. "Ara ara, Kei-kun,
how've you been?"

"... Mutsumi, what the hell..."

"Weren't you listening, Kei-kun?" she beamed. "I'm Sailor
Yakusoku, keeper of the promise!"

"Oh? And what makes you the promise-keeper?" Tuxedo Ronin
said, vaulting from her perch in a nearby tree.

"Well, I can use the power of the Yakusoku, and I remember
that I made a promise to someone to go to Todai back when I
was a child."

Tuxedo Ronin facefaulted. "But then..."

"Ara ara, that's right!" Mutsumi smiled towards Tuxedo Ronin.
She then put her finger to her lip. "But I don't remember who
I made the promise to!"

The ground shook with the massive facefault that ensued.

*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*

Elsewhere, Dark Queen Kanako was brooding.

Not _breeding_, you people. Get your minds out of the gutter.

Brooding. A noun. It means "to have the mind dwell 
continuously or moodily on a subject."

Don't blame me, blame Akamatsu.

But as I was saying, she brooded. The failures of the
Shironin to capture Sailor Senpai or even collect
energy for the Formless Black Mass were weighing
heavily on her, and she didn't want to risk punishment
from her mistress. The last time that that happened...
She shuddered at the memory.

(FLASHBACK)(FLASHBACK)(FLASHBACK)(FLASHBACK)(FLASHBACK)

The FBM stared down at her, candle in hand. "Now, Urashima,
will you continue to retrieve energy so I can take over
this world and exorcise all demons other than myself?"

Kanako merely moaned.

"So be it! More hot wax for you, then!" It angled the candle
just a little, and Kanako felt the wax dribble onto a most...
sensitive... part of her.

She shrieked.

Not from agony, mind you, but from pleasure.

(STORAGE SHED)(STORAGE SHED)(STORAGE SHED)(STORAGE SHED)

Kanako shivered. Her mistress had made sure that she
wouldn't fail again... no matter how much she wanted to.

"SARAITE!"

Kuro sighed. "She's not here, remember? You sent her inside
Hinata-Sou to get Sailor Senpai and bring him here." He sighed.
"I still don't believe that you want that crossdresser for
some non-evil purpose, miya."

"Quiet, you," Kanako said, smacking Kuro out of the way.
"All I care about now is that _you_ get out there and collect
energy, since Saraite has another mission."

"Me?"

"Yes, you," she muttered. "Now get out of here and go to Jyuban.
The Senshi there will think you're just another talking cat."

Kuro stalked off angrily, and Kanako returned to her
brooding, which was soon interrupted by the Formless Black Mass
sneaking up behind her.

FBMs generally have an easy time doing that, since they
don't have bodies. However, this one was intent on gaining
one, and it would do pretty much anything it needed to,
up to and including possessing things.

"So, Urashima, you're going after Senpai, despite my direct
orders to get energy?"

Kanako frowned. "We need him out of the way to get energy,
in case you hadn't noticed. He's killed two of the Shironin
on his own and brought about the death of the fourth."

The FBM seemed to shrug. "They were worthless in any case.
Haitanite and Shiraite failed, and as such, they were
typical men."

"So what you're saying is that you'd rather be with me?"
Kanako purred, reaching around behind her back and down
her evil queen's robe (think a cross between the original
Beryl's robe and the swimsuit that Ryoko normally wears.
Basically, a black robe with blood-red slashes of color
here and there, and quite a generous view of her cleavage.)
to the clasp of her bra.

The FBM stayed silent and still, but a giant sweatdrop
formed where one would expect its head to be.

"I thought so," Kanako grumbled. "Come back when you make up
your mind." She snapped her fingers, and the FBM vanished.
She then turned to the television she used to monitor the
Shironin.

Hey, you can't waste all that precious magical energy on
friggin' crystal balls and such.

*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*

Meanwhile...

Yes, it's back to Hinata-sou, where we see Saraite
breaking things, and Naru chasing after her. Shinobu's
running the laundry (while Suu tries to make the washer
into some kind of super-hyper-dimensional transporter
or something. Whatever it was, it just blew up), Kitsune's
sleeping on the couch, and Keitaro...

Hey, where _is_ Keitaro?

Why, he's off with Mutsumi and Tama-chan, and they're
painting the town red!

Needless to say, Naru was quite incensed with Keitaro
leaving Saraite with her while he went out on a date
with Mutsumi.

"Mutsumi, you can tap into the Yakusoku?"

She nodded. "It's how I used that cannon to take care
of Liddo-kun. He was the strongest of the Shironin, but
then he and Haitanite got wasted one night and he never
seemed to get any better."

Keitaro sweatdropped. "The term Shironin... there are four,
right?" At her nod, he continued. "We've fought Shiranite,
Haitanite, and Liddite, so who's the fourth?"

Mutsumi shrugged, and Tama myuu-ed. "No idea. Oh, Kei-kun,
let's go in there!" She grabbed his hand and pulled him
towards a beef bowl stand.

"Five double-packed beef bowls, onegai!"

Keitaro facefaulted.

"I faint a lot, so I eat lots of good food to get energy,"
Mutsumi said, following it up with a "fu fu fu" as they pulled
up two stools and sat down.

The food soon arrived, and Mutsumi dug in, polishing the
four bowls she had ordered for herself off in the time it took
Keitaro to finish his _one_ bowl.

Tama-chan flew off halfway through the meal, claiming that
she could sense something screwy afoot.

As they left the counter and walked off into the night,
Mutsumi spoke as she walked next to him.

"Kei-kun, do you really want to find the two who made
the promise?"

Keitaro shrugged. "Well, Tama told me that Sailor Senpai
was the one who had to protect the power of the Yakusoku,
so I guess that means that I've got to find the people
who made it and protect them from the Shironin as well."
He looked up. "The trouble is, you're the only one I found.
I dont' even have a clue who the other one is."

Mutsumi slid her arms around his arm. "Kei-kun, you found 
me. Finding me will be fine. The other one will come forward
soon enough. They'll remember eventually."

He blushed, but relaxed as she placed her head on his shoulder.
They walked on under the silver moon in silence - Keitaro
contemplating what she had said, Mutsumi taking comfort in 
being near him.

*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*

"Where the hell did that brat go?" Naru panted, leaning over
and placing her hands on her knees.

_She ran so fast! It's not like she's a friggin' demon, but
still, no normal human can move like that!_

"Um, senpai?"

Naru looked to the stairs and saw Su and Shinobu standing there.
Each carried a pen, and both looked concerned.

"Need help with your homework, you two?"

Shinobu shook her head. "We're going out for a little while,
okay? Don't lock us out, please."

Su nodded. "Shinobu said she'd get some bananas!" She grinned
evilly. "Suu can find many, many uses for bananas, and not all
like you'd think, either."

Shinobu blushed furiously. "Kyaa, Mecha, not now!"

Naru blinked twice.

*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*

All the Shinobu/Su fanboys immediately spouted nosebleeds.

Those of us who read Chibiusa's 7th Birthday immediately
grew nauseated and thwapped the author about the head.

The author sighed and proceeded to speak.

"No, this isn't Shinobu/Suu yuri. Shinobu has a crush
on Keitaro in the manga and anime, and I'm leaving it
at that. You readers can make your own implications
if you wish."

The gods of writing promptly slapped the author for
blatantly ripping off Andrew Huang.

The author sweatdropped and continued.

*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*

Despite the reader's expectations, there was _not_ a youma
in this episode to deal with the panty flashes from Sailor
Senpai.

Youma Local Union number 42 sighed in relief.

*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*

Mutsumi and Keitaro reached the stairs leading up to Hinata-Sou,
and as they walked up them, Mutsumi pulled herself closer to
Keitaro.

"Kei-kun, do you think that the Promised Ones will be found soon?"

He sighed. "I don't know, Mutsumi. If they are, they are; if not,
they're not. There's nothing I can do about it but defend Hinata-sou
from those Shironin and youma." He blinked. "Though I wonder
why they're targeting it and the girls there..."

They reached the top of the stairs and stepped under the
temple-ish arch. Mutsumi leaned up to Keitaro and gently
kissed him, and for a second, he responded...

And a white glow began to surround them.

*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*

In the Dark Storage Shed...

Queen Kanako shook off her funk and stepped outside for
some fresh air. "Dammit, I have to install some vents
in there."

She turned to see the pair under the arch, and the aura 
around them.

"NO! They can't be... not this soon... there's no way..."

And then it registered that it was _Keitaro_ kissing
_someone else_.

Suffice it to say, Kanako was _pissed_. She thought about
charging towards them, kidnapping Keitaro, and killing 
anyone who dared come near them, but then she realized that 
since a good 95% of crimes that occur in Japan are solved,
that would be a _bad_ thing.

So she decided to let her minions take care of it for her.

She slipped back into the storage shed quietly, sat down in
her throne, and called on the power of the FBM to reanimate
Liddite.

The plushie blinked. "The hell? Where the fu -"

Kanako smacked him. "Shut up. You screw up this time, and
I'll send you to hell myself. Screw the reincarnation, you're
getting torment."

Liddite immediately fell silent.

"Since you're reincarneted now, you won't have the results
of that nasty drinking binge you did with Haitanite, and
you're stronger, faster, and smarter, though I'm still
doubtful on the last one."

"You mind? I'm in the room!"

"Oh, and I made you lust after men now. That way you won't
be disgusted if Sailor Senpai shows up and you get a
panty flash."

Liddite sweatdropped.

"You've got a new mission. I want you to kidnap Keitaro
Urashima and bring him here without letting the residents
of the Hinata-sou find out about it. Saraite's going to
help you on this one, and you tell her that I don't
care if it blows her cover there."

Liddite bowed and made his way out of the shed with an
aura of power that he hadn't had for months.

The FBM came up behind Kanako. "You're kidnapping him
now? Why would you do that?"

"You'll see, puppet, you'll see."

*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*

Saraite was crouched in one of the many secret passages in the
Hinata-sou when she felt something tingling in her mind.

_Saraite!_

"Yes, my queen?"

_You've got a new mission._

"And?"

_You're going to kidnap oniisama and bring him to me._

"WHAT?" She quickly quieted down so that Naru wouldn't hear her 
and come try to kill her for reading through her diary. "But
that'll blow my cover!"

_So be it. After I get him, we're done. Liddite's going
to help you on this mission._

"I thought he was killed."

_Reincarnation does wonders._

"FIne, fine. I'll get on it." She sighed and felt the 
telepathic link break. "Joy. I've  got to capture a klutzy 
spaz for a lusty queen and fend off Senshi with only the aid
of a drunken... whatever the hell he is."

She slipped out of the passage and landed in the front yard.
Saraite saw Mutsumi and Keitaro, and she blinked at what she
saw... but she moved forward, oblivious to Liddite hovering 
overhead.

*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*

Mutsumi broke the kiss and stared in shock. "Nothing."

Keitaro blinked. "What?"

"I don't believe it. I didn't sense anything at all."
She gesticulated wildly. "We had the white aura, and 
I can tap into the Yakusoku... there should have been
a completion!"

Keitaro just stared. "What are you talking about?"

Mutsumi fainted.

Keitaro sweatdropped. "Why me, God?"

"Because you're perpetually cursed," Saraite said, sneaking
up to him and tugging on his hand.

"Oh, it's you. What do you want now, to break another vase?"

"No, I just have something cool to show you." Saraite smiled,
and this time it had a vaguely kawaii glint to it.

Keitaro shook his head in despair. "All right, all right,
I'll come look at it."

He and Saraite headed off towards the Dark Storage Shed.

_Mission accomplished, your highness,_ Saraite thought.
_Now I just need Liddite to keep them off my back for a
while... while I kick this poor bastard in the nuts!_

She cackled evilly, and Keitaro winced.

"Do you have to do that? It sounds like Naga all over again."

Sara sweatdropped.

*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*

Liddite swooped down. "Now I'm gonna take care of that
dame as payback!" He snorted. "Yakusoku Cannon my ass."

"Oh, no, you're not!"

He turned and look down at the bottom of the stairs,
and his eyes grew wide.

A giant Mecha-Tama was rushing towards him at incredible
speed, and atop it were Shinobu and Su, the former holding
on for dear life and the latter giggling madly.

"Shefu Skillet Power, MAKE UP!"

"Mecha Construction Power, MAKE UP!"

Liddite sighed. "Life really sucks."

And then Sailor Shefu swung her Kebab Glaive at him,
and he casually batted it away, sending her flying into
a nearby wall.

Sailor Shefu immediately started crying.

Mecha struck a powerpose. "In the name of justice...
and bananas... I'll punish you for making Shefu cry!"

Liddite snapped his fingers, and a bowl of stewed turtle
appeared next to Mecha. She yelped in delight and began to
dine.

Liddite smirked. "It's almost too easy."

Just then, sakura petals began to drift through the
yard where they were, and Liddite looked around in confusion.

"I'm not going to bother with speeches this time,"
Tuxedo Ronin said. She leapt down from a nearby tree and
grabbed Liddite. "Where's Sailor Senpai?"

Liddite shrugged. "Beats the hell outta me. I'd expected
him to show up myself, but he isn't here... so I'll
just have to kill you!" He fired a blast at Ronin's
stomach, causing het to drop him and roll around on
the ground.

"Stunning Sexy FLASH!"

Sailor Sake leapt out from a corner of the yard, and
her current attire left nothing to the imagination.

The plushie laughed. "Your gifts no longer interest me,
Sailor Sake! You've got no power over me since the Dark
Queen made me yaoi!"

Sailor Sake blinked twice, shrugged, and went back
inside the house.

Tuxedo Ronin sweatdropped, and Liddite went back to
pounding her... until she managed to throw him into
a tree. He gasped. "That hurt!"

"This will hurt worse," Ronin growled. "WHERE'S
SAILOR SENPAI?" She pulled back her fist.

Liddite blinked. "You think you can hurt me?"

"RONIN PUNCH!" She socked him.

Hard.

In the mommy-daddy button.

Liddite doubled over and began screaming.

Ronin blew on her fist. "Gets them every time."
She turned down to Liddite, who was groaning in
pain. "Now WHERE IS HE?"

"Never!"

"RONIN PUUUUUNCH!"

*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*

Saraite led Keitaro into the Shed. "Here you go, your Highness,
your oniisama."

Kanako squealed with glee. "ONIISAMA!"

Keitaro blinked. "Kanako-chan? What's going on here?"

"Now I can... and... oh, wow, I've finally got oniisama in
my clutches!" Kanako was almost completely giddy by now.

Saraite sighed. "I'm going to bed. Oh, Keitaro - this is
for you." She kicked him in the nuts, and he went down.

Kanako stopped laughing and immediately grew furious.
"SARAITE! What have you done to my poor oniisama?"
Kanako knelt next to Keitaro and leaned in close. "You...
you _hurt_ oniisama."

Saraite gulped. "Um, your highness, I..."

Kanako was calm now, and emitting an unholy fire that
was the color of slightly dried blood. "You. _Hurt._
_ONIISAMA._"

Saraite was looking around frantically for an exit
when Kanako raised her hand and fired off a giant
ball of energy. It completely enveloped the Shironin,
and Saraite screamed once before being disintegrated.

Her mask fell to the floor with a soft clutter.

Kanako fell next to Keitaro, and immediately tried to
pull his hands away from his injured parts. "Oniisama,
are you all right? Are you okay? Should I kiss it better?"

Keitaro immediately developed a slight nosebleed.
"Um, no, sis, I think I'll be going now." He got up, turned
towards the door...

"I can't let you do that, Keitaro," Kanako muttered,
rising from her position on the floor.

"What?"

She advanced on him with a seductive gait. "I want you.
Do you understand that? _I_ _want_ _you._"

Keitaro broke free. "Sorry, no thanks. There's someone
else." He stepped back a bit. "Hey, how'd you hurt Sara
anyways?"

She threw up her hand as if to fire another bolt like she
did at Saraite. "I stumbled upon this storage shed ages ago,
when I was trying to place a camera in your room. I opened
it, thinking you might be hiding in here, and that... that
was when _it_ came to me."

"It?"

"The Formless Black Mass." Keitaro could hear the capitals
on it. "It's given me power, the power I need to get you for
myself, and all in exchange for the power of someone else's
promise!"

Keitaro blinked. "Promise... YAKUSOKU!" He ran for the door, and
Kanako fired some kind of magic that pinned a nearby youma to the
wall. _Oh, crap, she's trying to tangle me up! I can't fight this
like I am, but if she sees me transform... Oh, man..._

He dodged a second bolt, and this time, he tripped and fell.
Keitaro looked up to see Kanako standing over him, a positively
eeeeeeevil smile on her lips.

"I've got no choice!" Keitaro stood up.

"That's right," Kanako purred. "You're mine now, and you
can't do anything about it." She laid her hand on his shoulder,
and he jerked back.

"Sorry, 'nee-chan, I've got things to do." He pulled back
and thrust his hand into the air. "Todai Ronin Power..."

Kanako's eyes widened.

"MAKE UP!"

The henshin sequence began, and Kanako was treated to the
sight of Keitaro naked for a half-second before he reappeared
in his sailor fuku.

"I fight for passing exams! I fight for promises!" Keitaro
powerposed. "I'm Sailor Senpai! And in the name of Todai..."
He pointed at Kanako. "I'll punish you!"

"Oh, punish me, oniisama, YES!"

Senpai sweatdropped. "Not again."


*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*

AUTHOR'S NOTES

Personal

Oy. That's all I can say: oy.

Well, I turned 19. Whoopdy-friggin'-do. Now to deal with college
and finals!

Professional

That's part 4 under the belt. I've planned out the next 2 episodes,
but that's going to be it for this series. I'll still write Love Hina
stuff, and I'll still write Sailor Moon stuff, but this, which was once
a oneshot, will be officially closed.

MSMT3K epsode 206 is still in the works. Episodes 207-210 will be the
six worst lemons ever written - Artemis' Lover, Black Day, Chibiusa's
7th Birthday, ami-chan.txt, minako.txt, and mako.txt. You really don't
want to know how I obtained these. It took 2 years, but I've got them
all, and they're all unedited.

God help the poor bastards in the theater.

I've also got some song satires to upload, and a bunch of stuff
that I wrote while I was at the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo's
barbecue cookoff a while back, plus one I wrote on a golf trip to
Louisiana (Blame my father. I don't play golf.)

Finally, thanks to everyone for reviewing, and a special thanks
to TrueC for giving me an eeeeeeeevil idea about the Formless
Black Mass. You'll see how it shapes up in future episodes.

Until then,

Ja ne!

Tuxy
May 1st, 2003