"Don't eat the door!" * * * * * * * * * * Tuxedo Jack - and - Craptacularly Spignificant Productions - present, with many apologies to Takeuchi and Akamatsu - Over-Violent Student Double Hail Hina: A Crossover that Should Never Be! Chapter 6.3.14159 "This is what, the fifty-second time it's happened?" * * * * * * * * * * Disclaimer: If I own Love Hina, I'm Ken Akamatsu. Seeing as how I'm Tuxedo Jack, I don't think I own it. And if I owned Sailor Moon, I'd be a woman named Naoko Takeuchi. Again, I'm not her, and I'm most certainly not a woman. * * * * * * * * * * SPECIAL WARNING This episode contains some sexual elements. It's nothing that would be rated higher than TV-14 or PG-13; however, since it's a fairly integral scene, deal with it. There's nothing explicit; it's more a lime than anything else. However, since it's pretty critical to the plotline, you can either read it or skip to the next ending. Don't say I didn't warn you. Seriously, last chance to turn back. Just push Alt+Left or the Back button on your browser. You made the choice, not me. Okay, here's chapter 6.3.154159! * * * * * * * * * * Shinobu stepped out of the back door of Hinata-sou and ran away, tears streaming from her face. _Aaauh, senpai's gone, and I can't do anything about it without help..._ Su ran after her. "Hey, Shinobu-chan, wait up!" Maehara ignored her and continued on. Su shrugged and went off to do battle with her mask shard, not noticing that a Keitaro-clone followed Shinobu as well. Shinobu's tears dripped down her cheeks, and she eventually stopped running, ending up right next to a gigantic oak tree. She collapsed to the ground, sobbing, and didn't notice the clone snap his fingers, creating a mysterious... mist... that appeared around them. He slipped up behind her... "Shinobu-chan?" "Senpai!" Shinobu threw her arms around the clone. "How... how did you..." "Shush," the clone said. "All that matters is that I did." She pressed herself close to Kei-clone, and he grinned, his glasses flashing evilly in the darkness. "Shinobu-chan, everyone's heading for the Dark Storage Shed?" "That's right, senpai," Shinobu said, nuzzling Kei-clone's chest. "I thought... I thought I lost you." The clone blinked. He hadn't expected this. "Don't worry, Shinobu, I'm not going to leave you again." Shinobu sighed in relief and let the tears of relief stain his shirt. "Arigato gozaimasu, senpai. It's just that when I'm with you... it's so comfortable..." He sighed. _Guess I'm going to have to play along for now..._ Kei-clone took Shinobu's hand. "Shinobu-chan, you're the most loving, trusting person I've ever met. You took care of me when I was out cold, you cook the most excellent food I've ever eaten, and your soul... it's so pure and sweet." Shinobu blinked. "Urashima-senpai?" Keitaro-clone smiled and took her chin in his hand. "Call me Keitaro," he whispered, and gently kissed her. Shinobu smiled after they broke apart. "Senpai, I think... I think that I'd better tell you this, before... before I lose my courage." She blushed furiously. "Keitaro, aishiteru!" Kei-clone plotzed. "Shinobu-chan... erm..." "Please, Keitaro, hold me," Shinobu murmured. Kei-clone wrapped his arms around her and sighed inwardly. _Joy... now what am I going to do?_ He sighed. "Ano, Shinobu-chan, I think we'd better get moving." "Just a minute longer, please..." The clone sighed. * * * * * Kanako frowned. "Why isn't that clone killing Sailor Shefu? He's... unreliable." The Formless Black Mass drifted in. "You know why he's not killing her. She's... unique. A soul as pure as hers... it's affecting the aura of the clone. Besides, the soul... it's quite delicious, and there are... other uses for her." Kanako smiled. "Yes, there are, aren't there?" The FBM seemed to frown. "If you do that, I won't aid you any more. I'll tap into the powers I need in another manner." "Then go," Kanako said, shaking her hand dismissively. The FBM nodded and drifted off. "Then I take my leave of you, Urashima, and my powers will not be used to aid you again." The Dark Queen ran her tongue over her lips hungrily. "This is going to be fun. Oh, yes, it will." * * * * * Kei-clone and Shinobu headed towards the Shed and eventually, after trekking across the incredible length of the lawn and the wastes of the tree-covered wood, reached their destination. As they entered, Kanako was there to greet them. "Oniisama!" She turned to the clone. "I don't like what I've been seeing, clone," she whispered to him. "You'd better be ready to do what I say." The Kei-clone just nodded. Kanako then turned to Shinobu, who by now had transformed into Sailor Shefu and had her Kebab Glaive aimed at Kanako. "Sailor Shefu, I, Dark Queen Kanako of the Dark Storage Shed, do formally surrender to you, the Senshi of the Kitchen's Powers. I am yours to do with as you will." Shefu blinked and detransformed. "Um... Kanako-san, why?" Kanako smiled. "Because I acknowledge your... dominance... over me, and I'll... submit... to _anything_ you want." She smiled - rather cattily, I might add. Kei-clone, while being an exact physical and mental clone of Keitaro (while evil in disposition and ultimately submitting to the will of the Dark Queen), and as such being subject to all his weaknesses, did not, despite the common assumption, nosebleed. Shinobu blushed madly. "Kanako-san..." Kanako ran her finger along Shinobu's cheek before gently kissing the Senshi's hand. "Dear, dear Shinobu-chan. Perhaps we could discuss our plans for my punishment in my quarters?" She softly tugged on Shinobu's hand and pulled her towards the bed in her room. "Stand guard," she whispered towards the clone. "Come in when you get my signal... and be prepared. I don't want any sticky stains, though, if you get my drift." The clone nodded. * * * * * The author slapped himself furiously. "For the love of Pen^2, what am I _DOING?!?_ I can't write a Shinobu lemon! I'm supposed to MST the damn things!" He then checked his Dr. Pepper. "Hey, there's something funny in this, and it's not alcohol..." He sniffed at it. "It's... sodium pentothal?" He blinked, trying to remember just what that did. "Let's see... it's a truth drug from the Cold War... and it was used in conjunction with Versed, the suggestant drug..." He trailed off in astonishment. "ALASKAN!" The author raised his hand high in the air. "Mallet of Akane, come to me!" With that, the traditional giant wooden ki-powered mallet appeared in his hand, and a battle aura appeared. "Come out, come out, wherever you are, you kono ecchi otaku!" Nearby, Baka-Alaskan giggled and ran off like a rabbit on acid. * * * * * Kanako gently pushed Shinobu down on to her bed. "And now, my dear, let me teach you the ways to make your enemy helpless." She snapped her fingers, and her clothes disappeared. "Step one - get them alone." This was punctuated by a kiss, to which Shinobu blushed furiously. "Step two - know their secrets, their fires, their darkest lusts," Kanako hissed into Shinobu's ear, trailing a fiery line of kisses down the Senshi's neck. Shinobu was moaning now. "Step three - get them right where you want them." Kanako snapped her fingers, and the Kei-clone slipped into the room, holding a knife. She waved her hand to him while using the other one to... minister... to Shinobu. The clone moved closer, and slipped the dagger from its sheath, which readied it for use. "Last - do it!" Kanako said, making Shinobu's back arch in pleasure, causing the Senshi to see what Kanako had planned - The clone stabbed his dagger downwards as Kanako rolled away - - Shinobu's eyes flickered for a second, and the light died - - and the Queen screamed as the dagger found its way into her chest. "YOU... how... why..." Kanako moaned as she ripped it free. The clone wept. "Her eyes, my queen. Have you seen into them? I have, and I couldn't... not now, not ever." "Urashima-senpai!" Shinobu leapt off the bed and hugged him to her. "She was... you mean..." The clone's eyes were flinty. "She would have killed you, Shinobu-chan." His gaze fixed upon Kanako, who was hissing in rage. "She'd have seduced you, pleasured you, and taken your very soul to power her infernal machinations." Shinobu blinked. "Ano, I think the studying's paying off." Kanako laughed. The mere sound of it bubbled wallpaper, made heads explode, and put Naga and Kodachi to shame. * * * * * Off in their respective dimensions, the aforementioned two women sneezed again and wondered if they had caught colds. * * * * * In accordance with MSMT3K canon, Tuxedo Jack's head exploded, flinging Liddo-kun plushies around the theater. It reassembled on its own. Meanwhile, Sailors Pluto and Saturn continued riffing the fanfic they were watching and paid the head explosion no mind. Yes, it was just another day in the life of the people on the Eisei no Senshi. * * * * * Kanako rose to her feet, flung the dagger into a wall, and snapped her fingers to make clothes appear on her. The clothes didn't hide the growing red stain, though. "What do you know?" she hissed at him. "You're just a clone, just a duplicate I made of oniisama." Shinobu blinked. "What?" Kanako smiled. "He didn't tell you? Go ahead, _clone_. Tell her what you are. Tell her that I made you to _kill_ her." The Senshi turned her head towards the clone. "Urashima-senpai..." Kei-clone dropped his head in shame. "It... it's true, Shinobu-chan. I'm an exact duplicate of Keitaro, both physically and mentally." Shinobu gasped in shock. "But... then... what you said..." "On some level, he feels the same," the clone muttered. "He and I are mentally linked, since we're the same. He sees what I see and he feels what I feel - and right now, he's miserable." "It still doesn't change things," Kanako screamed in fury, charging up a blast of dark ki. "You're going to die, and nothing's going to stop it!" She fired - - and the clone leapt in front of Shinobu, taking the blast of energy and collapsing to the ground. "URASHIMA-SENPAI!" Shinobu leapt to Kei-clone's side, cradling him in her arms. Kanako collapsed, panting, as if the ki attack took too much out of her. "Shinobu..." he whispered. "I guess that I won't get to go to the Tanabata festival with you..." (10) Shinobu's eyes were covered in tears. "Aaaau, Urashima-senpai, don't die..." The clone sighed gently. "I'm not him..." "You are to me!" Kei-clone smiled. "In a sense, I am not... and yet I am. It is... comforting." The clone dissolved into shards of light, which then turned into a shard of Saraite's mask. Shinobu stood up, full of rage. "Kanako! You've killed my love, and now you're going to pay for it! Shefu Skillet Power, MAKE UP!" She transformed with a nude flash (though that bit was censored thanks the Belldandy's FCC Spell, although you have to wonder why it didn't kick in in Keitaro's or Naru's henshin sequences) (11) to Sailor Shefu, and Shefu twirled her Glaive at Kanako. "Do you know how I'm going to defeat you, Kanako?" Shefu hissed. "Just like you taught me. Step one - get them alone." She swung at Kanako, forcing her back into a corner of the room. "Step two - know their weaknesses!" Shefu seemed to be praying. "Step three - get them right where you want them!" Shefu grinned ferally, which is completely out of character for her, but since this story's a touch short on PlotFuckŠ, I think I can let it slide. "Pan-Fry Smoke Hallucination!" A smoke image of Keitaro popped up in mid-air in front of Kanako. "Oniisama?" Kanako stared in shock and awe. (12) "Step four - DO IT!" The Kebab Glaive sliced through the hallucination - - and right into Kanako, who shuddered, gasped, and passed out. Shefu withdrew the Glaive, detransformed, checked on Kanako's pulse, and sighed. "She's still alive... I couldn't do it." "Ano, Shinobu-chan, I think you did it this time," Keitaro said from the other side of the room whilst rubbing his wrist. The Senshi blinked. "Urashima-senpai? Is it _you_?" "Why wouldn't it be?" Keitaro frowned. "Did that psycho send out evil clones hellbent on killing my friends again?" Shinobu, Keitaro, and even the unconscious Kanako sweatdropped. "Come on, Shinobu-chan, let's go home," Keitaro said, reaching out to her. "One second, Kei-kun," Shinobu said, picking up the mask shard from the floor and hugging it against her, then running after the kanrinrin. * * * * * A week later... Shinobu lay against Keitaro on the roof of Hinata-sou, her head on his chest, as the Tanabata fireworks went off overhead. Their hands were intertwined, and none of the other tenants were anywhere near. "Urashima-senpai?" "I thought I told you that you could call me Keitaro," he said through a chuckle. Shinobu blushed. "_Keitaro..._ I'm going to bed now. I'm tired." Keitaro nodded. "I'll be down in a bit to kiss you good night, Shinobu-chan." Shinobu stood up, and for a second, a flash of light illuminated the new necklace she wore. "Good night, Urashima-senpai," she thought, giving the mask shard she wore on her necklace a little squeeze. It seemed to get warmer for a second. "I guess you got to go with me after all." * * * * * Meanwhile... Kanako was screaming in horror. Her punishment was something truly awful. It was beyond compare. Even the Yama Kings of Hell shuddered at the thought of it. I mean, Jesus, this was the most evil thing anyone could ever do to a former dark queen turned prisoner. Note the distinct lack of multiple "e" uses on that evil. Kanako's eyes were taped open, and a television across the room was blaring out something truly sickening. "GO, GO, POWER RANGERS, YOU MIGHTY MORPHIN' POWER RANGERS!" Kanako's screams could be heard outside the Not-So-Dark Storage Shed. * * * * * Off in reality, the author went ouside of his house, winced at the bright light, and walked to his mailbox. "Let's see... bill, lawn care ad, bill, pizza flyer, bill... the hell? 'Saint Ataru's Hospital for Otaku?'" He blinked. "'This is your final notice of debt due on the bill of...'" The author trailed off. "KANA! Stop sending your bills for your damn nosebleeds to me! I won't pay them!" Nearby, the men in white coats waited for an opportunity to jump said author. Said author yelped and ran inside, slamming the door just in time. * * * * * * * * * * AUTHOR'S NOTES Yosh and Togg to TrueC! First off, I want to state that the punishment scene this time was an adaptation of an omake created for this by TrueC. In addition to its being here, the original omake will be published with the reference guide and the other omakes. Once again, I thank TrueC for the omake, and I gratefully acknowledge his contribution as both a prereader and creative inspiration for this. What, the reference guide? Oh, I didn't tell you? Well, here's the deal. You know how I've been placing numbers in parentheses throughout the series? Well, after I publish the last ending, I'll give you people two weeks to participate in a little contest. If you detail where _all_ the marked references are from, I'll write a fic at your request about almost any anime or a (limited amount, since I'm a poor bastard and I don't often emulate) video game. This is probably the only time I'll ever do a request, so keep your eyes out. Hell, if you want, I'll even stick you in as a guest MSTer or villain on Mystery Sailor Moon Theater 3000, my MST series. The following is a direct excerpt from the reference guide and a general idea of what I want in an answer from anyone who plays the game: "7: An indirect reference to Fushigi Yuugi's ending theme, 'Tokimeki no Doukasen,' or, roughly translated, 'Fuse to My Heart.'" Got it? Good luck. Thirdly, like I said in the last one, I hadn't intended to write a Shinobu ending, namely because I hadn't emphasized her role as Sailor Shefu too much in the series, and not only that, the general rule (outside of "A Love that Binds," anyway) is that she's paired with Su. However, when I got Alaskan's review for the Mutsumi ending, I felt kinda guilty, and shortly thereafter, a friend of mine mentioned backstabbing and backscratching (the kinky kind, in the latter case), and the whole thing just came together like Tupperware and lids. On a lighter note, this was completed over the space of four hours of Adult Swim, a 44-ounce Dr. Pepper from Phillips 66, and a goodly deal of El-Hazard, which is on the International Channel on Wednesdays. Again, the Kanako ending is in development, and there's one... other... ending I have in mind. They'll be out soon enough. Just relax. After this, who knows? I do have more LH ideas in mind, but I have other pressing projects to attend to, so... Ja ne! Tuxedo Jack May 21st, 2003 "Life's gonna suck when you grow up, When you grow up, When you grow up, Life's gonna suck when you grow up, It sucks pretty bad right now!"