"Thank God I'm halfway blasted." * * * * * * * * * * Tuxedo Jack - and_ Craptacularly Spignificant Productions - present, with apologies to Takeuchi and Akamatsu - Over-Violent Student Double Hail Hina: A Crossover That Should Never Be! Chapter 6.40.4.80 "I swear, this is the last one! ... Isn't it?" * * * * * * * * * * Disclaimer: If the person who owns Love Hina or the person who owns Sailor Moon falls down in a forest, it doesn't hurt me, because I'm not them. Special Warning! Two words - "Cherry Blossoms." Probably only Kana and Kanako will understand that. And Kanako-san, Kana sent it to me. Her and her _and_ grenades? I'm flattered, but one of them's married, isn't she? And that last bit... erm... well, isn't that _illegal_ in half the world? My head would explode, but you already made me do that... three times. ^_^¿ * * * * * * * * * * It wasn't really all that hard. The Shironin I'd hired all failed, yes, and they were failures in themselves. Shiraite and Haitanite were useless students, Saraite was a hateful little bitch, and Liddite... well, that squirrel... or whatever the hell he was... was a mistake. Even the Formless Black Mass had deserted me. I was furious with her, and in the note she left, Motoko said that I'd screwed up too many times to redeem myself in her view. My screwups? _Mine?_ It wasn't I who failed, it was the Shironin, and Motoko was acting like a gaijin in not acknowledging that the whole damn process was screwed up. At any rate, I knew that the Senshi had found the Hina Blade, and I knew that they wanted Keitaro back. That's right, Keitaro. I'm not some half-crazed psychobitch like Dakki from "Soul Hunters" or Beryl from "Sailor Moon." I'm Kanako, and I have a calm side that surprises even me. Besides, saying a name conveys a sense of intimacy, and that's exactly what I want with Keitaro. After all, he's the only one who really loves me. The six Keitaro-clones were rather taxing to create, and they took quite a bit of energy out of me. I knew that I wouldn't be able to pull many illusions for a while, and I knew that the Senshi would eventually defeat the clones... That, or crack and stay with them, thinking that they were the real thing. I figured the Shinobu girl would be the first to go nuts. * * * * * At any rate, I created the six clones, and I knew that one self-destructed from the look on oniisama's face when I went in to see him. Admittedly, the outfit I was wearing - a black lace teddy with a translucent chiffon robe - may have caused the look, but seeing as how he kind of tended to get himself into... unusual... situations, he probably felt the link with the clones instead of the sight of me. I know Motoko would have loved it, but she was gone. "What's wrong, Keitaro-kun?" "Everything," he whispered. "Oh, come on, it can't possibly be _that bad_," I said to him, drawing it out and rolling the last bit of it off my tongue. His eyes flashed. "That's just it! You're only using me for sex, Kanako-chan! You don't even care that I made a promise fifteen years ago to go to Todai!" I snorted. "Of course I care. You don't get it, Kei-kun. Those five just abuse you. They beat you, they deceive you, they con you out of money, and even that little Shinobu girl emotionally manipulates you. What do you think she's doing whenever she cries?" "At least they try to be nice to me!" "Fine, then." I snapped my fingers, and used some of the little power I had left to magically change my clothes into something more confortable - just a simple t-shirt and jeans, nothing special, but just enough to calm Keitaro down. I didn't want him freaking out on me. Yet. Just then, I noticed his expression twitch and facefault. Apparently, one of the clones had been defeated. I hoped it wasn't the one that Narusegawa bitch had. * * * * * Kitsune giggled and slapped the Kei-clone's back. "Ya know, Keitaro, yer great. I absholutely love ya. I wantsh to have yer babiesh and end up growin' old wish you..." She hiccuped. The now-dead-of-alcohol-poisoning Kei-clone didn't respond. Instead, he merely turned into dust and floated away, then reformed into a mask shard. Kitsune shrugged and continued drinking. * * * * * About ten minutes passed, and nothing came into the small perimeter I'd set up outside the Shed. It was good - if it had been the Narusegawa girl, I'd have had serious trouble repelling her in my condition. As is, the mere presence of Keitaro's connection to the Yakusoku was recharging me, and I'd be at full power in a bit. His face twisted again, and I knew that a second clone had just gone down. From the way his expression brightened, I was certain that it was Narusegawa's clone. My heart sank. I didn't have much time. "Keitaro, come on," I pleaded. "Don't you know how much I love you?" "Kanako, you may love me, but I'm your _brother_!" "Adopted!" "This isn't 'Tenchi Muyo,' oneechan." "So?" * * * * * Mutsumi dropped her Keitaro-clone with a single Yakusoku Cannon, then promptly passed out. She remained like that for a few hours, and then Haruka found her. The cigarette-smoking woman sighed and carried Mutsumi back to her teahouse. "Kanako owes me quite a bit of money for this," she muttered to herself. "She'd better pay, or it's a Dragon Slave for her." (13) * * * * * Haruka's message came through to my mind clearly, and I inwardly smiled. Two of the four Senshi were done with. The other two... well, they'd be a touch tougher, since they shared a special bond - that of a first kiss. They'd stick together, and that'd be tough to break. The cockroach... well, I'd deal with her when she got here. I had plans for _her_. Keitaro and I lay side by side on his bed, not moving, not doing much of anything but talking. We'd reminisced, and I'd slowly seeded the idea into his mind that Naru was merely using him as an emotional dumping ground so she could get into Todai. "But you're stronger than her, oniisama," I said quietly into his ear. "You've taken everything she's dished out and then some. I mean, look at you - you've taken _beatings_ from her." "And I always emerge unscathed," he muttered. "Only because you're full of love! Love for everyone... but do I get any of that?" I ran my hand down his chest. He grabbed it halfway down. "Of course, neechan." Damn. He was still thinking of me as his oneechan... I'd have to fix that, and fast. "Keitaro, just call me Kanako. We've known each other for that long, anyway, and it's just easier." He smiled. "Okay, Kanako." Good, good. It was working. * * * * * "Mecha-Tama CRUSH!" The giant turtle obliterated the Keitaro-clone and Sailor Mecha approached the Shed, mask shard in hand. She held it up to the front door, and it opened for her. "Wai! Now Su-chan's going to play with Keitaro-san all day and all night forever and ever!" * * * * * I got up from our bed - yes, I was thinking of it as that that quickly. "Excuse me, Kei-kun. Nature." He nodded and closed his eyes. I slipped out to the front door of the Shed, and saw the little girl - Mecha, or Su, I think. Anyway, she pointed a little turtle at me, and I grinned. "You won't be able to hurt me with that. Here, play with this!" I flung a small knotted piece of string at her. The second she caught it, it expanded over her, tied her up, and kept knotting itself and growing with every knot. "It's called a Gordian Knot," I said evilly. "It took the great Alexander a sword to untie. For your sake, I _do_ hope that you get it undone quickly." She started screaming, but soon enough the screams were muffled due to the huge ball of string. I kicked the ball aside, walked back inside, and shut the door. "Now where were we, Kei-kun? "Kanako, I think it would be nice. After all, you're you, and I mean, you as a tenant at Hinata-sou would be good." Hmm... he wants me to live there. Interesting. How could I manipulate this to my advantage? "Kei-kun, you know there's no extra room there. I couldn't possibly room with any of the girls there - they all hate me!" "You can stay in my room, if that'll make you comfortable." I smiled. "Really, Keitaro? Thank you so much!" I reached over to his face, and was relieved when he didn't tense up. Good. He was beginning to trust me. "Your glasses might get broken. Here, let me place them on the bedside table." I pulled them off, brushing a few strands of his hair out of the way, and he shivered. I smirked inwardly. He apparently liked it. * * * * * Shinobu's clone took one look at her and dropped dead of sudden and massive glucose poisoning. "Ack, urk, glurgh," it muttered before dying and dissolving into dust and a mask shard. Shinobu blinked. "Ano, Urashima-senpai, where'd you go?" * * * * * Another clone was destroyed, I could tell that much from Keitaro's wince. I waited a few minutes, and since the door to the shed wasn't broken down, I figured it must be that other little girl, the one who was so confused and broken that she was like a little lost puppy... And that gave me an idea. No, I wouldn't kill this one like I did the other. I had some... ideas... in mind. I licked my lips, and slipped off from Keitaro while he lay there, lightly snoozing. When I got to the front of the Shed, I noticed little Shinobu Maehara there, not even transformed, not even prepared for what I was going to do to her. I flat-out kissed her. She gave off a little "meep" and shook like a leaf, but didn't pass out. When I slipped my tongue into her mouth, she moaned, but didn't resist even one bit. However, when I dispelled her clothes, Shinobu lost her balance and fell to the ground. I chuckled. I could see the longing in her eyes, the sense of lust... but I decided satifying her... and admittedly, myself... would have to wait for a while. "Go down to the third door on the left," I whispered hotly in her ear, and nipped at it to make sure that she got the picture. She did, and she stumbled all the way. Just before she entered the room, I said, "Oh, Shinobu?" When she turned around, I flung a mask shard into her chest. It didn't hurt her - it was merely ki-powered - but instead, it implanted my will and desires into the girl. It was nice to know that I provoked the kind of response she gave me in both men and women... and come to think of it, I still do. I slipped back to Keitaro's room just in time to see that the last clone had been destroyed and that the Narusegawa bitch was on her way. I let Keitaro alone and ran to the front door, just in time to see a fist slam through it. When Naru entered, I simply spoke a few words. "You didn't have to ruin the door. You could have used the knob." She merely sighed. "Where's Keitaro?" she growled at me. "Keitaro? I haven't the slightest idea what you're talking about," I said innocently. "Oniisama hasn't been here in a while." I was telling the truth - he certainly hadn't been out to the front door of the shed in a _long_ time. The cockroach hissed and slapped me. She. Slapped. Me. It hurt... a lot. I would have drawn back my fist and punched her out, or blasted her with a ki ball, but Keitaro took the opportunity to walk into the room with Shinobu (now clothed, fortunately) in tow. "Ano, Kanako-chan, what's she doing here?" Naru took Keitaro's comment to mean her, and needless to say, she was _pissed_. "I come all this way to rescue you, through hell, high water, and stuffed plushies, and you don't even call me by my _name_?" Keitaro blinked. "Rescue me? Why would I need to be rescued? It's not bad at all here, and it's not like I'm in any kind of trouble." Naru gasped. "But... Keitaro, you... you're Sailor Senpai, and he's... he's in love with Tuxedo Ronin... right?" Keitaro shrugged. "Meh, she's nice, but a touch too violent for my taste. I'd much rather be with Kanako-chan than her." I grinned inwardly. Now was the time to make the final move. "See, Ronin?" I whispered to Naru as I slipped my arm around Keitaro's waist, and he did the same to me. "He doesn't want you." With that, I turned his head down to mine and kissed him solidly. He responded, and at that moment, I knew I'd won. Naru let out a howl, and punched me in my face, knocking me away from my dear Keitaro and onto the floor. She leapt for me, screaming out "RONIN..." along the way, and right after she yelled "PUNCH!" and slammed her arm forwards, Keitaro blocked for me. Unfortunately, even those who are invincible have a breaking point, and this was it. Keitaro collapsed, since the entire right side of his chest was collapsing, and Naru just stared in shock. This made it easy for me to flick a ki-powered mask shard into her, which brought her under my control. "I can heal him," I whispered to her. "Do it! DO IT!" "It'll cost you, you ungrateful, violent bitch," I hissed in her ear. She nodded, the tears flowing freely now. "Oh, gods, Keitaro, what have I done..." I focused the last - the very last - of my power over him, and he got up, groaning in pain. "Kanako-chan? What happened?" "That cockroach killed you, Keitaro," I said, staring straight into Naru's eyes. "She gave her powers - and her life - to me to bring you back." Naru winced at this, but I pulled out a ball of ki behind my back so Keitaro couldn't see it, and she nodded. "You mean she's going to die?" He shook his head. "No one should die to bring another back." "Oh, she's not going to die," I said, smiling. "She's going to stay with me... and she'll be Princess Leia to my Jabba the Hutt, metal bikini and all." At this, Keitaro spouted a nosebleed, Shinobu and Naru blushed furiously, and I just grinned. "And Shinobu... you'll dress like a Roshtarian harem girl, if you don't mind," I whispered to her. "After all, the... fringe benefits... of staying with me are nice." "And what about me, Kanako-chan?" Keitaro said. "Do I get to stay with you?" "Of course, oniisama," I said, smiling ferally. "You're mine, and I'm _never_ letting you go." * * * * * And so it all ended. I ended up not only with Keitaro as my beloved, but Shinobu and Naru as... servant girls. Yes, that's it, servant girls, with one in a metal bikini and one in a harem girl's outfit... It's good to be the evil queen of a huge (well, not that big, it's just Hinata-sou and the grounds) empire. And I still don't.... play... with Naru alone. I don't trust her enough for that. Sometimes it's me and Keitaro with her, sometimes it's me and Shinobu, but I'll never be alone. After all, she could stab me in the back, and that's reason enough for me never to let her be on the bottom. * * * * * AUTHOR'S NOTES Jesus, it's finally done. The whole friggin' saga's over. This is the last official ending for Over-Violent Student Double Hail Hina: A Crossover that Should Never Be. I'll have a few omakes for it, and there's the contest, but sailorhina-kanakoending.txt officially closes the canon chapters. Also, I hate to tell you all this, but I'd not seen _any_ Love Hina episodes until I'd finished the Naru ending, which is when I got some fnasubs from a friend. I didn't start watching them until I finished the Mutsumi ending, and even then, I didn't get but to episode 17 before I finished this. And yes, I saw episode 13, and yes, I laughed my ass off, especially at "Cherry-kun." However, it _was_ WAFFy to the extreme at the end. Thanks to the following: *TrueC, for giving me the idea that the FBM should be Motoko *Seth Triggs, for being a sounding board *Rai Nascent, for prereading and slapping me when I went too far in the rough drafts *Kana, for his... intriguing... comments *Kanako, for her gift after the Mutsumi ending, which, admittedly while... interesting, made me nosebleed a touch (and that item isn't _ever_ leaving my computer, so don't ask to see it, people. You'll have to ask her) *Kebinu, for convincing me to turn this from a oneshot into a series *Magician XV, for starting "Tales of the Rotten," which was a major cure for writer's block And last - though certainly by far the greatest, Naoko Takeuchi and Ken Akamatsu for giving me these two worlds to play in. Without them, we'd never have gotten them, so I suggest we thank them! The next project I've got going is called "The Maltese Liddo-Kun." It's a nice little mystery fic about... well, you'll see. It's not a one-shot, though, so it'll be a while before I get it done. Kepe up with my profile! It's got a link to my website, and I'm updating that a lot more often than FFN stuff now, and it gets my writings about a week faster than FFN these days. It's also the only place where I can post my MSTings. The URL's in my profile, and it's also.. users3.ev1.net In the subdirectory... ~jchiles Just in case I can bypass the FFN block on URLs in stories. Click on the logo for the Senshi no Eisei, and you'll see my site. Also hosted there are the sites for Tuxedo Alex and TrueC, both good authors and a damn fine MSTer. Check them out! And so, I leave you for now, but to paraphrase Ben Franklin... "This book will be reprinted by the Creator in a new edition, with better binding, and in a far better revision." Ja ne! Tuxedo Jack J.R. Chiles II June 2nd, 2003 * * * * * * * * * * Omake The lights went out in the studios, with only the hissing of the bug-zappers echoing in the night. It was like that for quite a while until the Gordian Knot suddenly exploded, and Su burst out. "Ha! I knew that Su-chan could beat any challenge!" She looked around. "Ano, where is everyone?"