"Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, but the very next day you gave it away..." * * * * * * * * * * Tuxedo Jack ~and~ Craptacularly Spignificant Productions ~present, with apologies to Anno and Akamatsu~ Shinseiki Hinagelion Episode III: Why, God, Why * * * * * * * * * * If you want a disclaimer, go back to the first part. I'm in enough pain typing this as is thanks to a certain someone... *Deathglares at a certain redhead, who whistles innocently and looks away whilst rubbing her fist* Who made sure that she got top billing. And Kebinu, I couldn't find Naru's quote from book seven because mine is misprinted, and I'm missing half the volume. * * * * * * * * * * "BAKA!" Keitaro felt Naru's fist slam into his face, and once again, he thought back... (FLASHBACK) (FLASHBACK) (FLASHBACK) (FLASHBACK) "But... but Kitsune-san!" "No buts, Keitaro... unless it's mine." Kitsune winked at Keitaro, who promptly nosebleeded a bit, and then continued. "The Second Child's arriving from Germany in a few days, and by the orders of the Commander, she's moving in with us!" "But..." Keitaro screwed up his courage. "I don't want to have to share a room!" "Share a room?" Kitsune laughed. "Oh, don't worry. You're not going to share a room with her! There's always Pen-pen." "WARK!" "All right then, Pen-pen, he can share a room with Mr. Yebisu!" Keitaro sighed. The prospect of sharing a room with a six-foot-tall anthropomorphic bottle of sake just didn't appeal to him. (PRESENT) (PRESENT) (PRESENT) (PRESENT) Kitsune poked her head out of her room. "Oy, Naru! Keep it down! Some of us have to get our sleep!" "He started it," the redhead bellowed at the major. "He walked into the shower and... and..." "Saw you naked?" Kitsune grinned. "No big deal. He's done it a lot with me, and I don't mind!" Keitaro immediately started sputtering, and Naru drew back her fist. "And then there was that time he surprised Kanako at her house, and she was naked under him, and he had his hand on her breast..." "Kitsune-san, I thought we agreed you'd never tell anyone about that!" Keitaro flinched for the inevitable blow from Naru, and no, it wasn't the kind Kitsune constantly joked about. "Anou, I don't see how telling Naru about it could hurt," the major replied. "After all, she's living with us, so she'd better get used to it!" Naru's face was beyond red now, so Keitaro leapt up and started running. * * * * * Mutsumi placed a black piece on the go table. "The plan is on schedule." Haruka reciprocated, but with a white piece. "And the Yakusoku Project?" Another black piece. "Less than five percent behind schedule, I believe." White piece. "Good. And how is the Second Child adapting to her accomodations?" "Ara ara, it's not as good as I thought it'd be," Mutsumi said, dropping another piece. Haruka smiled. "Perfect." She clicked her lighter. "With the Second Child hating the Third, the First will have an unimpeded road to him, and that will speed the project." * * * * * "All right, Keitaro, let's see your synch rate," Su said, bending over Shinobu's shoulder to look at a console. Shinobu blushed furiously when she felt something warm and soft press into her back - and then her senpai was smiling! She blushed even more, hoping that she'd one day have a chance... And then Su drew back, shaking her head. "Keitaro, your rate's down by ten percent! Even Naru's beating you!" "She's _beating_ him?" Shirai said, laughing. "Quiet!" Shinobu said, glomping on to Su's arm. "Let Senpai do her job!" Su sighed and disengaged Shinobu from her, then turned back to Shinobu's console and bent over it. Shinobu, of course, immediately positioned herself beneath Su's bust. Kitsune just sweatdropped. "Naru, your synch rate is decent - sixty-nine percent. It's just a bit better than Kanako's," Su said into a microphone. "Let's try hand-to-hand combat. I want to see how each unit will perform." "Got it," Naru said over her comlink. "See that, you little pervert? I'm doing better than you!" "Urashima-kun, perhaps the Second Child enjoys being on top of everyone else." Kanako's comment started Keitaro's fit of laughter, and Naru started swearing over the comlink. Kitsune sighed. "Come on, you all, fight. Amalla-00, move in to combat Aoyama-02, and Keitaro, you and Aoyama-01 sit this one out." Kanako maneuvered her Amalla-00 into range of Naru's Aoyama-02, and the fight began in earnest. Slaps were traded, articles of clothing were ripped, and Haitani and Shirai started drooling in the Control Room at the sight of the giant Amalla and the giant Tsuruko fighting each other. "All right, you two, break it up," Kitsune ordered as Kanako's unit tore off Aoyama-02's breast bindings. Naru, however, ignored the order, and screamed, "HENTAI!" before supercharging a fist and punching Amalla-00 right on the chin. The punch knocked Kanako's unit through the air, and it landed right in front of Aoyama-01. Keitaro bent over, picked up Kanako, and frowned. Since Aoyama-01 was mimicking his movements, the giant Motoko frowned. You've seen how disturbing a normal Motoko frown is. Imagine it seven and a half times larger, then multiply the force to the nth power. Yeah, that's about it. "Naru, you baka! You could have hurt her!" "She tore off my Aoyama-02's breast bindings, jackass!" "So? That's armor! It can be replaced!" "Urashima-kun, do not worry about me," Kanako's voice said over a private comm channel. "I can heal easily, though the wounds in my heart cannot." Keitaro sighed. "Kanako-san, I'll protect you, just like I said I'd protect Hinata and the people of ONSEN." He frowned. "Except obaasan. She's been bitchy lately." Haruka's face popped up on a screen right in front of Keitaro's face. "_Don't_ call me obaasan." * * * * * "Bring in the fourth unit for testing!" Kitsune called out over the comlink to the Random Expositional Technicians. "That's right, be careful!" Said RETs brought the fourth unit into the combat room, and two of the three pilots already out there gaped and blabbered about it. The third merely sweatdropped. "It's... it's..." Naru gasped, her eyes hanging wide open. "Oh, dear sweet god, no!" Keitaro muttered. Kanako, again, just sweatdropped. "Meet Simmons-04, the fourth prototype unit that's going to help us fight the Angels," Kitsune said over the relays. "Be nice, okay? Don't push it too hard on its first day, since it's computer-controlled, and it's got to learn to adapt to fighting." "It's a giant fitness guru, Kitsune," Keitaro deadpanned. "What's it going to do, make us do push-ups until we die?" Simmons-04 responded to Keitaro's taunt by charging Aoyama-01 and slamming it to the mat in a half-nelson. "Okay, Simmons-04, let him up," Kitsune said. When the unit didn't respond and tightened its hold, Kitsune turned to Su. "Kaolla, what the hell's going on here?" Su shrugged, and she and Shinobu began to type command overrides on the SOU terminal that controlled Simmons-04. Just then, klaxons went off, and Haruka stepped onto the bridge, followed by Mutsumi. "Pattern Blue confirmed!" Shirai yelled. "It's emanating from Simmons-04!" Haitani said. "And this is my only line in this episode!" "Senpai, we've got to..." "Simmons-04 is now classified as Ricardel, the Thirteenth Angel," Haruka said calmly, lighting yet another cigarette. "Destroy it at all costs." "Understood," Kanako said, rising from her prone position inside Amalla-00. "I will combat and destroy the Angel." She charged it, prog crocodile out and at the ready. "And I will save Urashima-kun!" Ricardel saw her coming and threw Aoyama-01 straight at Amalla-00. It bowled them over, and only Aoyama-02 was left standing. Fortunately, Naru had her prog katana out, and she was slashing at Ricardel left and right. The fitness guru-cum-Angel, however, parried her blows easily, and then leapt back. "Face the ultimate attack of God - Sweatin' to the Oldies!" He pulled a tape deck out of nowhere, slipped in a Yoko Ono tape, and hit Play. Ricardel then started to dance around, making his fat, hairy body jiggle and wiggle. Every single person in the control room, Haruka included, grimaced and winced at the sight. * * * * * Feel free to moan and groan at the mental image of that. And now, back to your irregularly scheduled screwed-up parody. * * * * * Aoyamas 02 and 01 collapsed to the ground, wincing and covering their ears. "THE NOISE!" Naru screamed. "I _HATE_ YOKO ONO!" Keitaro stood, grabbed his prog katana, and charged Ricardel. He swung, and Ricardel reached to parry - but Keitaro wasn't aiming at the Angel. He aimed for the tape deck. With one swing, he disemboweled it, and everyone in the control room sighed in relief. "That wasn't nice, tubby," Ricardel said, shaking his finger at Aoyama-01. The whole base fell dead silent. Keitaro Urashima, pilot of Aoyama-01 (also known as Motoko), had lost control. "'Tubby,'" the giant Motoko said in disbelief. "TUBBY?" Haruka immediately dove for cover underneath a console, and everyone else in the room followed suit, seeing as how when the stoic commander hides, the shit's about to hit the fan. "You have insulted me, and you shall DIE!" Motoko said, lunging at Ricardel. Kanako and Naru stared in shock at the scene in front of their units - Aoyama-01 dove straight at Ricardel, rent him limb from limb, plunged her hand into his chest, and ripped out his still-beating heart. "And your skull shall be my drinking gourd!" she bellowed just before she swallowed the heart whole. A few seconds later, the staff in the control room (all of whom had seen the whole thing on a handy monitor) collectively retched, even Haruka. Naru wouldn't look Keitaro in the eye for a week, and she didn't even protest when he accidentally walked in on her in the bath every day for a month. Kanako smiled. Her plan was going perfectly. Now all she needed to do was visit his apartment that night, just like she'd planned on doing anyway... Keitaro blinked, then came to his senses. "Um... what happened? Why am I covered in blood? Was the Angel defeated?" "In a manner of speaking, Urashima-kun, he was," Kanako said with a light sweatdrop. * * * * * The author shuddered. "Yes, I know that was horribly out of character. I make no excuse, and I shall commit seppuku forthwith." He then realized if he committed seppuku, the readers could not see the end of the fusion, and as such, would be stuck reading it forever in a vain attempt to find the end. Since he had no desire to create time loops, he continued the story. * * * * * Later that day... "Come on, Keitaro, let's party!" Kitsune pulled a grill out of nowhere, slammed it down on a table in her living room, and glared at Keitaro. "Come on, Keitaro, you're today's hero! Let's see what else you can do." He sighed. He'd cooked practically every night since he'd moved in with Kitsune, and Keitaro wasn't partial to doing that. Of course, Naru's fist clenching around his testicles quickly changed his mind. Keitaro broke out the weenies, carrots, sausages, and various other phallic-shaped foods, impaled them on skewers, and began to cook. Amidst the sea of sizzling and the crashing of crackling foods, Kitsune's shout that her old college boyfriend was coming over went unnoticed by Keitaro, although Naru noticed and squealed in glee. A knock sounded, and Keitaro slipped away from the grill to answer it. When he opened the door, he found the very last thing in the world he'd ever expected - a man with his eyes closed and lips puckered for a kiss. Keitaro pulled back and blinked. "Ano, you are..." "Oh, you're not Kitsune!" The man pulled back and laughed. "The name's Noriyasu, Seta Noriyasu. I'm Kitsune's friend." "Oh, yeah, she's..." Keitaro was promptly bowled over by the two women (one scantily clad, of course. I'll leave it to your imagination as to whom) rushing to greet Seta. "Ooh, Seta-san, is that for me?" Kitsune ran her hand over a package in Seta's hand, and he dropped in into hers. "Thanks!" She walked back to the grill, her arm in his, and sat down. Naru followed, and when she sat down, she started flirting with Seta. Seta didn't notice, though - he was focused on Kitsune. This, of course, made Naru fume, which ensured pain in Keitaro. However, dinner passed without incident - except for Kitsune getting completely blasted. After Seta and Kitsune "retired," Naru went back to her room to sulk, and Keitaro just lay down next to the table. He was damn tired, but another knock came at the door, and it was _quiet_. The knocker knocked twice before Keitaro got up and answered it. "Hello... Kanako? What are you doing here?" Kanako pulled Keitaro out into the hallway. "Urashima-kun, I... I do not wish to be alone." "What?" Kanako cast her face down. "The Commander wishes for me to stay alone, to never link my soul to another." "Link your soul... what do you mean?" Kanako stared straight into Keitaro's eyes. "I cannot become One without her approval." "Become One..." Keitaro's eyes went wide. "You don't mean..." Kanako nodded, and pressed her lips to his. She broke apart after a minute, and whispered into his ear. "But the day is coming when she will let me be One... and I shall be One with you. On that, the Last Day, the world as you know will end, and a new world shall be born of our Union." The girl kissed Keitaro's cheek once more, then slipped down the hallway to the elevator. Keitaro's eyes followed her, and when the doors closed over the lovely girl, he let out a long sigh. "She's beautiful and intelligent... she's perfect." Keitaro frowned. "I wish she wouldn't speak in riddles, though." * * * * * AUTHOR'S NOTES Well, two parts left, and they're the End. Literally. The End of Hinagelion is coming, and it's going to be quite interesting, especially since Keitaro's the one who controls Yakusoku (which, unfortunately, substitutes for Instrumentality). But what's this Union Kanako spoke of? And what on earth will Keitaro do with it? Find out in the next - and second-to-last - part of Shinseiki Hinagelion! And in regards to the contest, Persephone of Abydos got the answer in less than an hour after the contest was opened. She wins! She requested a yaoi WAFF-fest lemon with Touya and Yukito from Cardcaptor Sakura, and as stated in my terms, I shall write it and give it to her. The non-explicit parts will be posted here on FFN if she so agrees. Ja ne! Tuxedo Jack Tuxedojack@juno.com users3.ev1.net/~jchiles Click on the Senshi no Eisei logo for my site. "Gary the Rat... shit."