Geez, not this again...

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Screwed-Up Christmas Carols Version 2.0
By Tuxedo Jack
November 15, 2001

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(Scene: The lounge from the afterlife in MSMT3K episode 20.
JR and Rei are sitting there. JR is in a Santa costume, Rei
is dressed as Mrs. Claus, and Nephrite enters from the right
dressed as a none-too-jolly elf.)
NEPHRITE: I swear, I'm going to kill you for this one day.
REI: Look at me. Can you call your situation bad after this?
NEPHRITE: You don't have to wear makeup.
REI: ...
JR: *Sweatdrop* Anyways, welcome to the mansion. It seems that
you all liked last year's Christmas special so much, we decided
to do another one this year.
NEPHRITE: "We"? I seem to recall you mentioning something about
it during dinner yesterday with the Shitennou and Naru, all of
who... except me, foolishly... ran off.
JR: Hey, you stayed instead of leaving. It's your own fault.
NEPHRITE: No, I stayed because Zoisite spilled the damned gravy
boat all over my new shoes and I was looking for something to
clean them off with.
REI: ... JR, why was I brought into this?
JR: Because you look good in a Mrs. Claus outfit. You think I get
dressed up like this for just anything?
NEPHRITE: Hey, you've got the padding.
JR: Shut up. It's just this holiday thing...
REI: Can we get started?
JR: Yes, let's.

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Angels Roasting On An Open Fire
(To the tune of "Chestnuts roasting on an open fire")

Angels roasting over Tokyo-3
Asuka bitches at Gendo
Misato and Kaji getting warm by the fire
Ritsuko's under mistletoe

Everybody knows
Some EVAs and a few Angels
Help to make the skyline bright
Toji's sis, with her mind so full
Will find it hard to sleep tonight

She knows Tabris is on his way
He's got love and destruction on his sleigh
And even Hikari will smile
When the school goes up in a blaze of fire

And so, we're offering this simple though
To everyone in Tokyo-3
"Go out, have a great Christmas, listen to bells...
But make peace with the Lord, or burn in hell."

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Hotaru the Kawaii Senshi
(To the tune of Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer)

You know Ami, Makoto, Minako, Haruka
Usagi, Michiru, and Chibi-Usa...

But can you recall
The kawaiiest Senshi of all?

Hotaru the kawaii Senshi
Has some disturbing powers
Despite the death she can command
She really enjoys her flowers

All of the other Senshi
They run off and hide in fear
But not the kid Chibi-Usa
She holds Hotaru quite dear

Short black hair, quite a sweet smile
Hotaru's so kawaii
I know that you'll agree with me
When you see her beautiful violet eyes

Hotaru, the Kawaii Senshi,
She dies, yet she's reborn again,
Just don't ever get her angry
Or "Death Reborn Revolution"!

* * *

I'm Dreaming
(To the tune of "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas)

(Mamoru)
I'm dreaming of a white Christmas
With snow everywhere on the map
A warm blanket, I've got; the cider's quite hot,
Usagi's sitting in my lap

It's wonderful to hold her close
She's the perfect woman for me
Her soft lips meet mine, and I think,
"Ai shiteru, my dear Usagi."

(Usagi)
I'm dreaming of my love, Mamoru
Though I am nestled in his arms
Outside, the wind howls, the snow, it follows,
But in here, I'm nice and warm

My lips meet his and I ponder
How this perfect love could be
The answer seems ever so right:
"It's only your destiny."

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(Back to the lounge. Now Naru and the Shitennou have joined the
crew, and each is in an... interesting... outfit. Naru is wearing
another Mrs. Claus suit, the three Shitennou not in elf costumes
are in angel outfits, and Beryl - who, for some reason, is rooming
in an apartment around the block - holds a glass of cider in her
hand. As usual, she's seated in her throne. JR raises a glass to
the room...)
JR: And a merry Christmas slash happy holidays to us all. Rei, if
you would please?
REI: ...*Reaches over and hits the button*

(FWOOSH)

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AUTHOR'S NOTES

Well, there's your Christmas special, and a month early at that!
Enjoy, cause Episode 202 is gonna take a while...

Ja ne!

Tuxedo Jack
TuxedoJack@juno.com