"TTFN, ta-ta for now!" - Tigger * * * * * * * * * * The Book of Shinji Chapter 2 - Secrets and fantasies and nosebleeds, oh my! By Tuxedo Jack * * * * * * * * * * DISCLAIMER: You know the drill, it ain't mine, I'm just borrowing it for a while. * * * * * * * * * * Shinji pulled open the door to the apartment. "Tadaima!" he said, carefully placing his shoes to the left of the doorwell. A deafening silence greeted his call. "Guess Asuka's not home yet," he muttered, half to himself, half to the empty room. He shrugged, shut the door, and went to his room. As he dropped his backpack on the futon, Shinji unhooked his SDAT. A heavy thunking sound alerted him - the book had fallen out of his bag and lay upon the floor. Shinji stared in astonishment - the book's cover, which had shown his face when he purchased it - now showed the faces of Asuka, Rei, and Misato! "The hell?" Shinji muttered, and picked up the book. He examined it closely... "Nope, no TV screens, no hologram stuff... This certainly isn't from 'Star Trek'." He shrugged and set it on his desk. "I think I'll read a bit now, and then some more before bed." He flipped it open to the first page, and began to read... * * * _"Oh, please, Shinji, don't torment me!" Misato said as she bucked against him. "Don't... stop... don't stop... GYAHHH!"_ * * * He slammed the book shut. "What... the hell... was that?" Shinji grabbed for his box of Kleenex and shoved two tissues up each nostril. "Oh... oh my," he said, having a Kasumi moment. He opened it again to what he thought was the same page... * * * _"Gott im himmel, Shinji, that's good!" Asuka moaned as she writhed in ecstasy under him, completely out of her mind. "Du hast... control... du hast mein seele..."_ With a scream and a twitch, she milked..._ * * * Shinji pulled away from the illustrated story for a moment to replace the Kleenex, which had been completely soaked through by this point. The book merely shifted itself once again... and he turned back to it and continued reading. * * * _"Wark! Wark... wa..."_ * * * Shinji slammed the book shut and threw it away from him. "What the hell is this thing?!?" * * * Meanwhile, in a warehouse not too far away... Dr. Lustidick released the Lust Virus yet again, thus infecting the entire Evangelion universe and eliminating the prospects for SEELE's Third Impact scenario. However, the IBI intervened just in time, and therefore the world was saved - or screwed over, depending on how you look at it. However, this doesn't really concern us, so we move next door, where ten black monoliths sit and wait. "He has the book," one says. "He shall be weakened to submit to our desires." "Really, you think that that little thing can pervert him to the degree that we need?" Keele said from behind his monolith. "It's hardly the power that we require." "The book from the Angels should do as we wish!" "It merely does the bidding of the possessor," Gendo said, walking in. "Ikari," Keele said, almost spitting out the name. "I've come to report on the Instrumentality Project," Gendo muttered. "We're less than two percent behind schedule. The Angels have slowed us down, but they have not stopped us." "Your child has the book," Two said. "It will suffice." Gendo's face, normally composed, relayed a touch of shock. "The Third Children has _the_ book?" _This is unacceptable,_ Gendo thought. _The book must stay with those who don't suspect its powers._ * * * Asuka threw Shinji's door open. "Hey, baka, time for dinner!" She gaped at the sight before her - walls, ceiling, and floor splotched with white, the bedclothes in disarray, and Shinji half-naked on the floor, trying to cover his... *Cough* equipment... up. "You... you... HENTAI!" Asuka said, then promptly kicked him. In the groin. As he doubled over, she muttered, "You'd better be thinking about me and not that damn doll." On her way out, something caught her eye... and she grabbed it. Shinji clutched at his penis reflexively, remembering the "Garden of EVA" series, but then he remembered the pain from her foot, and then he passed out. He didn't notice that the book was missing... * * * AUTHOR'S NOTES So, Shinji finally opened the book... and he saw what was inside, and he obviously liked it. SHINJI: (weakly) Asuka didn't... *Thud* Yeah, well, that's not my fault. Deal with it. *Turns back to audience* I'd originally intended for each part to be a full lemon with each bit from the book, but a Shinji/Pen Pen lemon... >_< Even I don't think that I could write that, and I'm damn sure I don't _want_ to write that. And no, I don't _want_ anyone to write that. Well, in the next part, Asuka's got the book, and this fic becomes even more... shitty... well, hell, I can't say anymore, namely because I haven't written any more. BUT! Why does SEELE have such an interest in this ecchi book? What could it really be about? And why the hell does the picture on the cover keep shifting? Find out in the next part of "The Book of Shinji!" * * * OMAKE Asuka threw Shinji's door open. "Hey, baka, time for dinner!" She gaped at the sight before her - walls, ceiling, and floor splotched with white, the bedclothes in disarray, and Shinji half-naked on the floor, trying to cover his... *Cough* equipment... up. "You... you... HENTAI!" Asuka said. She thought for a moment, and then leaned down to him. "You'd better be thinking about me and not that damn doll."